Bouncing back

Do you remember the last time you had a disaster on your hands either personally or at work? Do you recall how it felt like the end of the world and how it got blown all out of proportion in your mind? I do.

It happened on Saturday in my basement darkroom. Well that's where it originated, but the problem affected other rooms too. The tap in there has a garden hose attachment that splits the water supply into four separate outlets for various print washers. I'd turned off all of these taps, but had failed to check the main tap was turned off. When I came back an hour later I found the entire floor of the adjacent room flooded with two inches in water and it was creeping into the next room. I waded through to my darkroom to find that the water pressure of the main tap had forced the clamped rubber hose attachment off and was filling the basin faster than the sink would drain it.

Now, I have been ultra-careful recently with the recent drought water restrictions to limit the amount I use. I've even switched to resin coated paper that washes in two minutes in order to conserve water, as well as cutting back on my darkroom activities for the summer. So you can imagine my shock and horror of the problem. I'd not only caused a major flood, I've also wasted a week's amount of water in normal use. Aaaaah!! I apologise unreservedly to the nation. Sorry.

This was a big, wet problem. It was going to affect the entire house for a week, carpets would shrink, damage to the floor and the house would smell for months. Disaster.

An hour and many buckets later the water level was down to the sodden carpet. We phoned a carpet cleaning company who was prepared to come out on Bank Holiday Saturday at double-time. They traipsed huge hoses through the house powered by their giant truck based suction pump and drained the water out. Then they steam cleaned it, shampooed it, deodorized it and left me an hour later with a superbly clean, and all be it damp, carpet. Saved. We left the windows open, put on heaters and now the situation is back to normal. You would hardly know there had been a problem except for the nice clean carpet.

Good always comes out of bad. But the thing I want to remember for myself is how the situation at the height of the drama blew itself out of all proportion in my mind and derailed my entire life. But now it's as though nothing had happened. We rebound. We always do.

Think back to the last disaster you had and where are you now? We move on. Things get better. We recover or we adjust to new situations that we find ourselves and make the best of it if need be. It's in the mind. Our attitude affects how we experience things. Life is OK.

Let's try and remember for the next time the floor drops away from our feet and we find ourselves with an absolute humdinger of a disaster. It WILL get better. It always does.

Evolution?

Seen in the New York Times.
Courtesy of Stephen Pollard via Harry's Place

Sound of Music

I watched 'The Sound of Music' again for the umpteenth time on Bank Holiday Monday TV... and it got me again. It always does. That lump in my throat keeps on coming back each time Captain Georg von Trapp (Christopher Plummer) hears his children singing to the Baroness for the first time since his wife died. He listens from the door and all his coldness, anger and harshness disappear and he walks in to join them singing. He is reunited with his children and they regain their father...... It's 'happy families' and I'm getting that lump again. Must see a doctor as It's over forty years since I saw the film as a thirteen year old and fell in love with Leisl the eldest.

Are people allowed to be that happy? Do families exist who sing to each other while climbing every mountain? Apparently they do. This one did. The Von Trapps actually existed and their descendants live in Vermont.

You know, if people are happy they sing. But if we sing, we can become happy....and healthy. 'People who sing regularly can improve their breathing, increase their supply of oxygen, stimulate their circulation and get their bodies energized', said Professor Wolfram Seidner of the University Clinic Charite in Berlin.

What it is that I just love, is the unadulterated, exuberant, honest happiness. Guess I'll just have to succumb and buy the DVD. Saccharine? Maybe. But life can be really good if we choose. :-)

The hills are alive with the sound of music
With songs they have sung for a thousand years.
The hills fill my heart with the sound of music
My heart wants to sing every song it hears.
My heart wants to beat like the wings
Of the birds that rise from the lake to the trees,
My heart wants to sigh like a chime that flies from a church on a breeze,
To laugh like a brook when it trips and falls
Over stones on its way
To sing through the night like a lark who is learning to pray.
I go to the hills when my heart is lonely,
I know I will hear what I've heard before.
My heart will be blessed with the sound of music
And I'll sing once more.

Sob.

Belief in ourselves

If we’re able to find within us even a faint glimmer of a thought that we may be able to do something for ourselves, then we are tapping into some of the potential we’ve inherited from our ancient ancestry. We are all highly integrated human beings with the capability for a great deal of control over ourselves and our environment. It is this belief, albeit small at first that can have a dramatic effect on how we are. The belief is the trigger.

Once we start to believe that we can make a difference within ourselves by thinking, we’re opening up all sorts of possibilities. This principle can be applied to so many other things in life, and when people say “I can’t do that.” they are setting up a thought pattern that may well prevent them from achieving it. They tell themselves that they can’t do it even before they give it a go.

Instead, let’s say to ourselves something like, “Hey, I may not have done this before, but there’s no proof that I can’t do it, and I won’t know until I’ve tried, so let’s go for it….” then we are giving ourselves the best opportunity for success. We may go on to really achieve some wonderful things in life.

This approach to helping ourselves can be extended into many aspects of our life. From a postural point of view we can change so much if we choose. Alexander Technique helps this and when we start to free up physically, it’s likely to have positive effects on us emotionally too. We can become more confident and go beyond our comfort zone.

Have you ever thought that you might do something that you haven’t done before, something that is a little demanding or about which you feel uncomfortable or possibly down right scared? It doesn’t need to be an activity like jumping out of an aircraft at 12,000ft and doing free-fall. On the other hand it could be! Or maybe give a talk to 100 people, or jump across a small ravine gap but with a 50ft drop, or run a marathon, or tell someone that you love them, or go on stage at the comedy club and tell your favourite joke, or make it up with your friend after a disagreement and say it’s your fault just to save the friendship. Can you think of something that you may have been faced with in the past, or wanted to do, but a voice inside of you says “No you can’t!” or “No, this isn’t for you!”?

Have you heard that inner negative voice that stops you from doing it? When you get the first idea about something and your heart jumps and says “Yes.” then a voice from deep inside pipes up and says “Oh, no you don’t! You CAN’T do that!” It’s the voice that over rules your heart, limits you and holds you back. This little voice is rooted in fear and all our past experiences. Like anyone with something to say, it needs to be heard otherwise it will nag away. Give it an ear. But then having acknowledged it you can just simply choose to ignore it and go ahead.

Go with your heart. Believe what you want is already yours.....and it is. We just need to stop resisting.

Have fun

Whatever you do this weekend, make sure you have fun, enjoy yourself and think nice happy positive thoughts.

What you think is what you get.

I'll be back on Tuesday 30th. See you then.

;-)

Just Be yourself

"One has just to be oneself. That's my basic message.
The moment you accept yourself as you are, all burdens,
all mountainous burdens, simply disappear.
Then life is a sheer joy, a festival of lights."

Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh, Indian spiritual Leader

Making things happen

When it comes to achieving our goals there a time when it's good to put our contemplations to one side and do something on a physical level. We can have all the dreams in the world, the inspiration, the life long desires, and our thoughts are certainly creating energy to manifest them, and we should stay focused on the positive and not waiver.

But It’s important to physically do something towards their achievement too, it’s important to do anything! I'm not saying you won't achieve what you want unless you act physically (anything can happen and your thoughts are the strongest energiser there is) but some action on a physical level spurs it all along. As soon as we move and speak to someone, send an email, go to the library to check something, arrange a meeting, write a list of jobs to do and tick one off, we are energising the project further. This energy will come back to us in one way or another. After so much visualisation and thoughtful energising, it's sometimes extraordiary how things just flow so smoooothly. But if they don't then should take notice and observe this feedback. It's a good principle to something every day towards your goals.

Getting on with your goals does not mean that you just blindly proceed to implement what’s on your check list, but involves you listening too. There should be give and take. Make your action and observe the responses. Be totally aware. But start the ball rolling, even if it’s just writing one letter. Act and listen. At all times however, never lose sight of the visualisation of the wonderful manifestation of your desires. But let's also be open to new opportunities as they come up.... and they can come up at any time, any where. There is no knowing what's going to transpire.

All the time keep your thoughts and emotions as good as you can make them. If you're making your enthusiasm and feelings better you're going in the right direction. If you're starting to worry and doubt, you are going backwards. Compliment your positive feelings with action and watch how it easily it can come.

Laws of attraction

Life is supposed to feel good. It links to health, well-being, healing and growth. In nature all is following a natural life cycle where everything grows and eventually dies. Sickness is an interference that will be overcome unless disease sets in, which is growth of a different kind. If we cut our finger it heals up, if we break a bone it also heals. If we cut a tree above the ground it will sprout new shoots as pollards or coppice's. If we were not subject to the various influence around that can interfere with our health we would probably be almost perfect. From a physical point of view we tend to interfere with our natural poise with tensions that upset our balance and co-ordination and physical well-being. Likewise mentally and emotionally we can think thoughts that also detrimentally affect and undermine us.

Getting what we want in life works in the same way. Whatever we think about is creating energy around whatever is in our minds and it will be soon barrelling down on us like a ten ton truck. But Life isn't so simple for most of us and we also have fears, doubts and worrying thoughts and these also are being manifested and will undermine our best intentions. Whatever you think is what you get...positive and also negative. If we wish we could have that extra £1,000 to pay the bills, and in the next second we worry that we won't have it and get terribly into debt, we have done two things. We have firstly set up the vibration to bring it towards us, then we immediately negate and cancel that out by the negative thought. The key is to stay positive the whole time.

For whatever we want we need to send out vibrations (thinking) to attract it towards us. If we complain that we are not happy and we are sensing the lack of something, then it is the 'lack' that we energise. We cannot notice and complain about our situation and also vibrate positively to bring it towards us. They cancel each other out. It's not possible to vibrate the emotions of discontent and also send out vibrations to match the solution.

We need to be standing in a place of expectation, hope, joy and fulfilment all of the time in order to attract that and our desires towards us.

We can be experiencing pain or discomfort and wish to be free and healthy. Although we set up the vibrations for healing, we are also negating them by wishing to be better. because the 'wish' is made from the position of 'lack' (lack of health). Like attracts like. So if we are to find health and healing we need to set up the vibrations of how we will feel when we have the health. Although we may be in pain we need to experience joy, fun, happiness, loving despite the physical condition or what is going on around us materially. Love is growth. If we are in debt and we wish to be solvent, there is no success to be found in wanting the change. We must find happiness, joy and love within us, as these are natural growth conditions that will positively attract like towards like. Thoughts of debt create debt. Thoughts of success, affluence, joy in achievement creates wealth.

We must pay attention to the way we feel as this is our barometer. How you feel tells you whether you are moving forwards or going backwards. Positive thoughts move forwards, negative worries take us back a few stages. It's clear to see how we may never get to our destination if we are constantly to-ing and fro-ing back and forth. It's also damned exhausting and life is passing us by.

We need to make peace with where we are right now. Feel good inside and you get better. Feel good inside you move forwards towards your positive thoughts. Find the best feeling thoughts you can find and keep refreshing them. How do you feel? Your feelings and emotions are your barometer that tells you if you're progressing or slipping back.

Choose to be happy. Choose to feel joy, love, optimism, contentment and choose thoughts that vibrate with success in achieving what you truly want. Then you'll find that you are not putting obstacles in the way that undermine the natural laws of attraction. Like attracts like. Set up the positive emotions or sensations of 'how it feels to have it' and it surely will be yours.

More on 'Patience'

While I'm talking about patience, there are a few other considerations that come to mind.

Patience can be a damned hard quality to muster up sometimes when things aren’t working out the way we’d hoped. Our ability to be patient is closely linked to our levels of stress, our upbringing and early life’s experiences. However when things don’t seem to work out the way we’d planned, it may be for a reason that we are not aware of and have no influence over. If we are interacting with our surroundings and everyone else, then there are many influences on us and our activities. The timing may simply not be right for us at this moment. Things take the time they take. There is no rationalising why things happen when they do, or don’t when we want them too. We must remember that we are not alone in the equation, and many other people and situations are likely to be affected. The Universe will provide when the time is right, for the good of all. There is no benefit in getting all hot and bothered about it and we may be better having a slightly more laid back attitude. Use the opportunity to attend to something completely different. If it’s not working out as planned, consider whether an alternative approach may be appropriate.

On the other hand, we could set ourselves an improbable deadline to achieve something, just to get it done. So if you give yourself five days, it will take that long to do it. Parkinson’s Law says ‘Work expands to fill the time available for its completion’. However, if we give ourselves only one day to do it, we may still get it done, even if we have to enlist the help of others. By taking this approach does not mean that we’re making an impatient approach to the task, but simply setting a short deadline! We can still be relaxed about it!

Patience may be a virtue, and so is persistence. This does not necessarily conflict with the concept of ‘going with the flow’, but you can be persistent in mind so that you do eventually get what you want. Just because you do not succeed the first time stick with it, and ‘listen’ to the feedback you get from people around you and the outcome of your endeavours. Yes, we can ask for something, but maybe we should pause before asking again. By pushing forcefully you may not get the response you’d hope for. Give your actions time, and allow others to respond in their own way and if after a reasonable time, another request or attempt may be warranted. This may be a little bit like line fishing. Now I’m not a fisherman, but I understand that when a fish is nibbling at the bait, then there is a great skill in teasing the fish by ‘give and take’ actions on the line. Ask, then wait, ask and tease a bit more, then wait. Eventually the patient angler will reap the rewards.

Patience

Patience is a virtue. Yes? Depends on your view as it could be seen as a handicap in certain situations. Sometimes clients say to me that I must have great patience to teach the Alexander Technique where the personal changes are gradual and progress takes time. But this is not how I see it. Indeed patience doesn't come into it.

In today's world we are result orientated. We have financial targets to meet, schedules to complete, deals to be won, matches to win, weight to lose and money to earn. We 'need' the new car and our image status depends on results.....for many of us, but not all. Today's demanding lifestyle puts untold pressures on achievement. And I'm not saying this is wrong. That's the way it is.

But there are different ways of approaching a task. One is to go for the end result, blinkered to all else. The other is to work on the process during the activity and let the end result take care of itself. The former is 'end gaining' while the latter is more considerate to the present moment. I'm not suggesting that we shouldn't have an end result in mind. Indeed I advocate clearly believing in what we want, having a vision, visualising the positive outcome to achieve our goals. This does not preclude the possibility that having done this and visualised our successful outcome, that we don't give our full attention to the task in hand and work on the actual process that will take us there. The thing is to be open to opportunities as it would be equally foolish to blinker ourselves in a process so we do not see the gifts that may come our way. New opportunities can present themselves at every turn in life, often when we're not expecting them. It is also foolish to be so 'blinkered' on our end objective that we miss the great chance to have something better or bigger. Tunnel vision doesn't allow the receptivity and openess to new opportunities that may present themselves.

I play the violin, at least I 'try' to play it. As it happens, I often make a better sound if I stop 'trying' and just damn well 'play it' or 'let it happen'. 'Trying gets in the way'. Sometimes we can just let our subconscious work it out. If we have been able to 'feed' our minds with good examples to copy then we have a wealth of information that goes beyond articulation. I watch archival film footage of early 20th century violinists to inspire my abilities. The same approach will work in golf, swimming, public speaking and any other activity you choose. This is almost akin to research and will inform our abilities. It gives a bedrock of knowledge.

However, when we work on the task in hand, it does us no good at all to be worrying about the end result because that's not what we're working on. The end will get there when the time comes further down the line. At this present time we are at a different stage and that's what we should think about. In 1923 when Yehudi Menuhin found instant fame at the age of seven with his virtuosic performance of Mendelssohn's violin concerto, he wasn't concerned about the grand finale in the final movement until he got there. As a performer he gave his total and complete attention to each and every second he played, and none other. The end came as a wonderful end after all other parts of the piece were played. The ending is nothing without the precluding passages. The same could be said for most books, films or plays. The end is stronger, more complete and more meaningful for what has previously occurred. When playing golf it does no good to be worrying about the ball going in the hole as this will almost certainly cause us to take our eye off the ball at the crucial moment. (this example was used in FM Alexander's own book 'The Use of the Self'.)

Most marathon runners will work along similar lines; you don't get to a quick time by rushing your training. it takes long and many sweaty hours of slowly building up. Marathon runners work on the process; it's the slow and measured build up, pace, rhythm and schedule that counts.

When I give Alexander Technique lessons, I may have an idea of 'how' this person may be able to change and how they can benefit. But I put such considerations out of my mind in order to think about the situation in hand at this present moment. What is she doing with her muscles right now? How is she balancing, tensing, shortening, or how is she freeing up, lengthening and broadening in stature. We work on the present condition and eventually we get to where we're going. I wouldn't pretend to know how and in what manner she will change next as that would be setting up an anticipation of an outcome that is likely to be wrong. Nature will take its own course. We need to be open to all possibilities. So we work, and let the end result take care of itself. This way, we arrive (if one can ever arrive anywhere in this work) wherever we get to. But our main consideration needs to be at the present moment.

By working on the situation at hand, without concerns about the end results is not being patient. It's a different approach where the focus is not on the end result but on the process.

The great escape

NIght Golf is all the rage

I had the opportunity this weekend to do quite a lot more violin playing than normal. The weather in London was so bad I couldn't go out doing photography, so I contented myself with mostly indoor activities. My partner has been away visiting friends for a few days, so while the cat's away....the mice will play. So I dragged horse hair over cat gut and had a great time, doing two hours on Saturday and two and a half of playing on Sunday.

Thinking back on this weekend I realised how good I felt having done so much playing. Indeed I felt as good as I would have if I'd been out at sunrise with my Hassleblad photographing trees in early morning light. I then began to wonder what was the similarity between violin playing and photography that made me feel so comparably good.

Photography is naturally an outdoor activity, requiring all my attention using equipment appropriately to the circumstances to make a good picture. After two or three hours I'm feeling very fulfilled and happy to return home whether I've made good pictures or not. It's the process and outdoor activity that I love. It's all consuming and I'm fulfilled and refreshed.

Violin playing is, well.......violin playing. it's making music and quite different from photography in many ways. Indeed it's hard to find any similarity apart from the artistic endeavour and the complete absorption of ones attention. It's all consuming and afterwards one feels refreshed, transported, as though we've been away somewhere. And this is where the similarity lies, I feel. Ultimately I do what I do because I enjoy it, and I feel transformed and great afterwards.

Indeed there are many, many activities that could have a similar effect, from gardening, car maintenance, crotchet, model railways, painting, sculpture, golf or any sport, wind surfing, cooking to web design or flying. It doesn't matter. it's how we are, and how much we are involved during the activity that counts. It's participative and beats watching telly any day.

We may not actually experience a sense of enjoyment during the activity, although we may. It's afterwards that we realise that we've been happy and had a great time. The thing is that we're just too busy in the activity to notice. An activity that takes us out of ourselves, requires our full attention to the exclusion of all other considerations, that is demanding and stretches our abilities (but not too much, so we can get a sense of satisfaction), that is also creative to some degree; an activity that demands so much rewards us beyond the tangible end result. It changes how we feel, about ourselves, our life and everything around.

Total absorption in a hobby or activity, that need not be a passion itself, but satisfies most of the criteria I've mentioned is likely to reward us in profound ways. it's meditative and good for the soul. If you have a favourite pastime then you'll probably know what I mean. If you don't have such an activity then I strongly recommend you find something suitable to absorb you. You can find great happiness not only while doing it but long afterwards too and you will look forward to the next opportunity to do it again. It makes you happy and this will spread to every part of your life. You even become easier to live with! Although from a partner's point of view, it's questionable whether being a photography 'widow' with lonely absences during 'play' is preferable to the more constant companionship of one who is bored. But I know which I would pick.

It'll also come in pretty handy when we're older, retired and waiting for time up. When you're busy with a hobby you just won't have time to pass away. There is always tomorrow to look forward to, and the next, and the next...

Go with the flow

When we have an idea, there are always reasons why we should do it and reasons why we should not. If the idea is not consistent with what’s in our heart, then it’s likely that it’s not for us and it may even seem like terribly hard work. And some things that we think we want, aren’t really in our best interest.

Have you ever tried to contact someone by phone in haste, either to complain or make a point and you just can’t get through? We can try and try again and the line’s busy. I WANT to speak to her! If we try long enough we may eventually get through but in hindsight wish we hadn’t because the conversation didn’t go well. We’ve created animosity or resentment. But it’s possible that the person would have been able and willing to help in some other way and now they may grudge helping us at all. Have I burnt my boats? Maybe I should have gone with the flow and accepted after a couple of attempts to get through that this wasn’t meant to happen or the timing wasn’t right. Maybe the issue hadn’t been that important and if I’d not made the call, we’d still have good relations.

When we’re going with the flow, things can seem to happen so easily. Travel arrangements work out well, meetings go smoothly, people offer help unexpectedly and we excel in our endeavours. It can seem that certain things are ‘meant’ to be and that they are ‘for’ us. Things always work out well in the end or there are benefits to be had, even if we can't see how at the time.

Today, I'm going to 'go with the flow' and see what happens...

Problem? Ask your subconsious

We all have the odd little problem and sometimes they are whopping great big problems and we need a solution. We need to know what to do, who to ask, where to go and generally sort them out. And while the solution may be found outside of ourselves, it's quite possible that we have the answer to how to go about it within ourselves. Our subconscious mind is an enormous resource that we could probably use far more than we do. I know I can. The thing to do is ask ourselves for the answer.

However, much as this seems simple, we may not get the response from our subconscious quite so easily if we're not going to be receptive to it. This means we need to be pretty relaxed and not thinking too much, as thinking gets in the way. Often when we have a problem we say that we must think about it. This is no doubt true and we can give masses of thought to an issue and still not have the answer. This is the very time when we should stop thinking about it and let our subconscious work it out. And to do this we need to be relaxed.

When are you most relaxed and going to be at your most receptive to your subconscious? It's likely to be in the early hours of the morning when you're just starting to wake up and before you begin thinking about things. You can take advantage of your early morning relaxed state to find solutions for any problem you have.

When you go to bed, think about a particular situation that you may want guidance on or that you want to know how to resolve. Ask yourself what should you do about this, over and over again. Hold the problem in your mind and ask your subconscious for a solution. After five minutes, put it out of your mind and go to sleep. When you start to wake up, allow your mind to drift and you may find that your subconscious provides the answer. Be aware of what comes to mind when you’re in this half dreamy state, so you can give it your consideration later. You may just have the answer to your problem. It may surprise you. You may find that when you start thinking about it your conscious mind starts to rationalise why you should not do this and it's rediculous but that is likely because our fears and doubts start to kick in. Take heed of what your subconscious said. There's likely to be a whole lot more truth and basis for this being a valid answer than we realise.

Sometimes it's good not to think too much when we have an answer, to be brave, to go for the big one. JFDI. I did it exactly this way when I changed my place of work. I woke up one morning with a crazy notion (at least that's how my conscious mind considered it once I'd started thinking about it) but it worked.... and I've never looked back.

Ask your subconscious mind for the answer to a situation when you're going to bed and see what answer you get in the morning. If there's no answer, just do it again the following night. You're mind will work it out.

It's just so wonderful how we have such a huge resource at our fingertips. It's there to be used, but as with any skill, it can take a little time to know how to ask, and also how to let the answer come to you.

Wicked Siesta

When is a siesta not a siesta? Apparently when it's a Power Nap. I must lower my voice to make it deep, resonant and macho to say this......."I'm just going to have my...POWER NAP Grrr. Yeah." so not to appear wimpish, weak or lacking any testosterone. Hmmmn.

Why is it that we have to dress up the natural call of the body to rest during the day so we feel comfortable about it? Hands up anyone who doesn't feel a drop in energy levels after lunch or mid afternoon. Or lets put it another way... who wouldn't like a quick 'NAP' (or a long one) after lunch if they had a chance? Can't see any hands.

We don't need mediterranean climates and sultry summer days to do this most wonderfully refreshing activity. If it came in a bottle it would be a national best seller. But it comes cheaper than that. It's free. However some may argue that they can't afford to 'nap' when there's a job to be done, money to be earned. "While I sleep I'm losing money." Oh yes? Oh no. Because when we try to keep on going when actually our body is crying out to re-charge the batteries and rest our mind, we are not able to give our best. We are sluggish, less vibrant, productive, and creative, slower, poorer communicators and generally not up to our best.

I have had a siesta almost every day for fifteen years because I not only need it for my health and well-being, I also owe it to every client who comes and sees me after lunch. When they come for an Alexander Technique lesson, they want me at my best....not half asleep and lacking energy. I've even left a lunch meeting early to have the siesta before my next client. When I've said that I need to go for my siesta they thought I was joking until they realised I was deadly serious. If anyone has a problem with that, then that's their problem, not mine. Mine is to make sure I'm functioning 100%.

There is a natural lull of energy levels during the day when our subconscious needs time to sort and file the information it's gathered as well as the body's energy being directed towards digestion. Acknowledging this is being responsible to ourselves and others. Call it a Power Nap or a nappy nap, it doesn't matter. The siesta is just a good thing to do.

It can be as short as five minutes, just long enough to let your mind wander freely away from activities at hand. Closing our eyes shuts out the stimuli around us to some degree. I guess an eye mask and ear plugs may be helpful, but I've never used those. But fifteen to twenty minutes is about right I find, and if I'm really tired, thirty does the job. Lying down helps but it could be in a chair. A tall glass of water follows a quick face wash and the afternoon will be as dynamic as the morning.

If you don't do it, I suggest you try it. Make time for it. Break your day. You'll be more productive afterwards. Enjoy.

The Happiness Formula

What makes us happy is being investigated and discussed in the current BBC programme 'The Happiness Formula'. From the scientific to the off-the-cuff-comment, what is it that can make the difference and shift or mood upwards on the smile-scale? Material possessions are considered not to have lasting effect as their perceived happiness-giving-boost soon wares off and we're looking for more.

There are more fundamental factors that contribute to our sense of happiness, from health, relationships, contentment, security and money to transcendence and fulfilment. And although relationships registered a whopping 73% in an opinion poll, a surprising 56% rated contentment as being most important. Some comments included 'Happiness is going to sleep peacefully and waking up the next day', 'Being at peace with the way things are going.' 'Happiness is when you are OK inside about where you are and who you are', and 'Taking the dog for a walk'.

Contentment has been described as 'not fighting yourself'. You are content when the different parts of yourself make friends with each other. Discontent, on the other hand, is the result of a discrepancy between what you want and what you get.

Psychologist Ilona Boniwell says "The trick is that what really matters is what is going on the inside rather than the outside. In other words, what we want depends on us, rather than the situation, so by changing our perspective we can affect our level of contentment as much, if not more, as we could do by changing the situation."

As a famous saying goes, "change what you can, accept what you cannot and have the wisdom to know the difference."

For me, it can be a whole load simpler than looking for the right element and condition to make us happy. I believe it's a choice. I agree with Illona Boniwell, that it's what's going on inside that counts, and we have a direct influence over that. It's our choice. We can simply choose to be happy. But sometimes that can be difficult because we 'like' to hang onto our emotions and feelings. Letting go of a hurt, jealousy, rage, spite, disappointment, sadness and pain can be the hardest thing. We can justify our feelings easily. Shifting out of that state is tough, but it can be done. it's as easy as flicking a switch. I wrote about how I changed my emotions by choice when I was nearly hit by a car a while ago. Read here.

But I wonder if tthe programme will consider the influence of posture and body language on our mood. If we smile or laugh our body creates endorphins and shifts or happiness up a bit. We can probably choose to smile a lot more than we do. It's so much down to choice and the sense of happiness can be found so simply....if we choose. But often we choose not, and look for external reasons and excuses. Lift up your heart and be merry. Smile. Do it now. It truly is your choice.

The Happiness Formula: Wednesdays 7pm BBC Two

Go with ease...

"When the solution is simple, God is answering."

Albert Einstein

Posture affects your emotions

Having specialists who deal with physical problems and other specialists who are focused on mental and emotional issues invites us to believe that our brain and body can function separately. Physiotherapists, chiropractors, osteopaths on the one hand and psychoanalysts, psychiatrists and relationship counsellors on the other divide the indivisible; our integrated and inseparable body and mind gets split. Ouch.

Try putting yourself into an awful slouch for a moment...really collapse your posture and then say " I am Happy!" Does it ring with truth? Almost certainly not. Now bring yourself up tall, relax your shoulders and look out at the world and say "I'm sad!" That doesn't work either, does it?

We all know that our emotions can affect our facial expression, it has also been proved by two famous specialists in California , that facial expressions can actually drive emotions. So if a person frowns, they will feel the associated emotion, and a reinforcing cycle can begin.

One of the best ways of improving how you feel about yourself and the world around you is to enhance your posture. It will make you feel better. Look up and out at the world rather than down. Free your neck by thinking it loose on the top of your spine at a point between your ears. Let your nose drop a few millimetres to help release tensions. Smile. Smiling has a physiological effect by creating endorphins so lifts your mood. They are great things to give away as the more you give, the more you'll get back from others. We never run out of smiles.

Look up, think up and have a good day.

Marital bliss?

For marital bliss....don't argue. That's the upshot of a recent survey conducted by a teeth-whitening product. Nearly a third of men said it would make them happy if their other halves admitted to being wrong more often - rising to 41 per cent of men aged 30-45; They're clearly looking for an easier life. A quarter said hearing the words "I love you" more often would make them smile while just seven per cent said more sex would make them happy.

Women on the other hand, were a bit more demanding, looking for more dinners out in fancy restaurants, flowers and weekends away. But nearly all wanted to hear the words " I love you" more often and to receive more text messages, particularly in the under-thirties.

So, is this new? Hardly. But do we remember to 'give' such pleasure to our partner or do we just consider each other as furniture? Interesting how surveys nearly always state the obvious, but can wake us up. If we like to see people smile, the one big way of encouraging this is to smile first. It costs nothing yet we get back plenty in return. We don't need a reason to smile. It is there to offer freely if we choose.

But if men want their partner to admit to being wrong more often, how happy are they going to make them in forcing this admission? Maybe if the demanding male (or female) was a little bit more giving or allowing, they can let their partner be wrong without it being an issue. There may not be such a need to be so accusing or righteous. And by allowing a little face-saving they can help create a happier environment at home....then they will also be happier. Why do we need to think of us first, if we want to be happy?

The answers are so simple, and as relevant as they ever were. Do companies need to spend so much on research when the answers are obvious? After the second World War, an ice-cream company, I think it was Walls, conducted a huge survey to find out why people liked ice cream so they could design their advertising around the findings. After all the results were analysed the answer to 'why do people like ice cream?' was because..........It is nice.

Let's keep smiling, it's cheapest and the best gift we can give anyone.

Bite-size

As exam dates approach and students revise in readiness the best approach is to tackle it in bite-size chunks, as the BBC site for GCSE Revisions suggests. But exam day or no, this is a great way to tackle anything, from studying to gym work, sport and gardening. A little and often approach gets the job done but with less pain.

It is a well known method in marketing. Get customers to 'try before they buy'. In business presentations, feed them information in manageable and digestible amounts otherwise the audience gets fatigue; too much too quick. Leave them satisfied and even wanting more.

As Amber Rhea writes, Bite-size is also RSS-worthy for busy developers who don't have time to read lengthy articles. The basic idea being that busy web designers don’t always have time to read or write lengthy tutorials but a daily “bite” of useful information, taken or given, could be good for the soul. So check out Bitesize Standards.

I taught myself to touch type twelve years ago. I bought a £2.99 floppy disk tutorial that slipped into that funny old slot on the side of my clunky laptop and it showed me which keys to put my fingers on according to the QWERTY keyboard. I got tired quickly...must be my ageing brain unaccustomed to learning (getting old). So I did ten minutes in the morning, again at lunch, and again late in the afternoon. Little and often. I did this for a couple of months after which I was touch typing blind with ten fingers at between 40-50 words a minute. Not bad for £2.99.

Violin playing is a passion of mine too and having only started a year ago I'm pretty novice and any cat nearby will either dive for cover or raise its hackles ready for a fight. But I find that if I play twice a day for twenty minutes, it's better than doing one hour just in the evening. I do it when I'm fresh and put it down when the going's good and not when I'm tired.

When I was learning French a few years ago with a tutor I found I got tired quite quickly but by doing my revisions in ten or twenty minute chunks very regularly, the repetition ingrained the information better than one big hit once a week. I learnt quickly..... Bonjour!

Long distance runners know a gradual build up in distance and speed is essential to avoid strain and to maximise their abilities. The same should apply to any gym work. It's surprising how many people come in to see me having just started doing exercises, pilates, yoga, workouts, bike runs or gardening and they've crippled themselves by doing too much. It then takes a week to recover.

When training or learning to do anything it's important to stop BEFORE you're tired. When you're tired you're passed your best. Stop when you're peaking. Your lasting impression will be a positive one, of having done your best. It leaves a good feeling and you'll be wanting to do more, so you'll do it more readily.

A little and often approach helps reinforce the principles and technique better and more deeply. You stay fresher, you will see more steady progress. Difficult tasks get done relatively painlessly and enjoyable activities get repeated more often; all much better than a big mega-hit once a week.

Little and often. :-)

Think Success

Chazper sent this little poem relating to Visualisation.

“If you think you are beaten you are,
If you think you dare not, you don’t
If you like to win, but you think you can’t,
It is almost certain you won’t.”

“Life’s battles don’t always go
To the stronger or faster man,
But soon or late the man who wins
Is the man WHO THINKS HE CAN!”

Thanks Chazper.

Acceptance

Happiness may be be found right here and now with what we've got. As Doc Happy says with his cute metaphor - sometimes we chase so much more when what will really make us happy sometimes is so much less.

Others may suggest that we should try for more, go up the ladder, get a bigger house, car, plane....buy an island ....where does it stop? Then we can retire and go fishing. But maybe these ultra-aspirations aren't for us and a simpler way of life may bring just as much happiness, if not more. Others expectations and social pressures make life very demanding and may not be right for us.

It's interesting how others see us and want to change us. It's also interesting how we may wish to change others to suit how we think they should be. So another moral to Doc's may be.... why should we change when others want us to, but why should others change because we want them to? The answer is acceptance; acceptance of ourselves, others and what we've got. It brings peace of mind and tranquility to our being.

Acceptance is a great way to happiness as always wanting more sure sets up tensions and pressure. But then it is gooooood to get a bit more, isn't it? It's a tricky conundrum that is worth exploring to get a good balance. A bit of this, a bit of that and maybe enough is just right.

Coping with anti-passion

When passion creates anti-passion and enthusiasm is returned by negativity by our friends we know we've passed a threshold on the love/hate scale with regards to the topic of our interest. As Kathy Sierra writes in 'Popularity breeds contempt' we see someones enthusiasm for something being met by not only indifference, but definite rejection by others who may not have even tried it. Kathy calls this threshold the Koolaid Point, the point where enthusiasm for a software product is so high that others accuse them of 'Drinking the Koolaid' often fueled by commercial success.

But we've seen this happen in almost any other field you care to mention, not just in computer software. I remember the period of my life before I trained as an Alexander Technique teacher and was on the verge of quitting my career in retail marketing. I was so enthusiastic (and still am) about the Technique that nothing else in my life mattered as much. That didn't go down too well with my wife who couldn't understand it, or wouldn't. It became a choice between marriage or Alexander Technique, and no prizes for guessing which won! (Clearly the relationship was not working anyway, so this may have been the final straw.)

I've also heard some of my clients say how they've recommended the Alexander Technique to a friend who they considered a prime candidate to benefit wholesale because they were in such a desperate situation with their posture/breathing/stress, but their recommendation fell on deaf ears and sometimes complete rejection. It happens with chiropractics, nutrition, massage, osteopathy, homeopathy, naturopathy and any you-name-it-opathy. One person gets fantastic benefits and thinks it's just the koolest-best and when they recommend it others run the other way. They can reject your idea for any reason, and that's fine, but one could ask what experience have they had of this to bring them to their conclusion?

So what is it about enthusiasm that can make others turn tail? If on the other hand we talk more moderately of our new found passion they may take more interest but then we may also just sell it short.

Do we need to be our own discoverer? Do we fall into an auto-negative mode when greeted with enthusiasm? "It can't be that good." "It's just marketing hype." "It won't work for me." Or may be we like to be stuck in our mould. Maybe we have a fear of success and our old and worn-out-modes of failure or pain are actually rather comfortable.

We can get used to discomfort and failure to such a degree that it feels familiar and normal. We like our habits. Maybe it's our habit to look on the bleak side and that's where we'd rather stay, even though there is a far more updated/better/whizzing gizmo/elixir and solution readily available.

We're dealing with change and this can be uncomfortable even if it brings with it potential benefits. There can be a real fear of change as it takes us into the unknown with regards to personal interactions, new situations and costs. Some people don't want us to be right and maybe they'll do anything to prove their own misguided view is right....even if it is wrong.

It can take some time to adjust and come to terms with a new idea and to accept it. It can take years for some people. Maybe they'll hear of it from different sources and after the fifth or sixth encounter they'll decide to give it a go. I've known people to come and see me clutching a newspaper article they cut out two years before and only now are getting round to doing something about it. They're doing it in their own time. It's a mistake for us to think people should do it in our time. They will do it in their time. And that's OK.

The answer is to let it go. Let them do it/see it their way. It really doesn't matter. And anyway one man's meat is another man's poison. We're all right, and we're all wrong. We;'re all getting to where we're all going in our own time. It's just damned frustrating when we know our best friend just needs what we're telling them and they just won't listen!

Visualisation

You can use visualisation techniques to help manifest anything you choose and particularly to energise your goals by seeing them completed successfully, on time, and exactly how you would like them. If you find it difficult to make a mental picture of what you want, think about it. Thinking creates energy around your interest. Thoughts create things, so be sure to think those right thoughts or you'll get what you don't want. Stay positive. Check out the Adventurer's club for more on 'Thoughts become Things...'

As well as visualising yourself owning the car, house, having a relationship, winning the race or match, you can use these techniques to affect any and all aspects of your life.

You can visualise yourself in any situation you like, behaving exactly as you would wish and receiving exactly the response from others that you would desire. Visualise yourself being successful, commanding and authoritative in business, being happy, being content, and at peace, or being entertaining and the centre of attention. You may envisage exactly the outcome of a particular meeting, the contract being signed or the relationship you desire. You can see yourself being one hundred percent confident in difficult situations such as confronting a problem, or speaking in public. You can improve your chances of success in sport by visualising winning, scoring goals and beating records.

We can choose to emulate a particular person living or dead by invoking their characteristics and talents to help us perform and behave as we know they would have done. So if we wish for more confidence and strength in difficult situations, irrespective of political beliefs we could emulate some traits of the ex-prime minister Margaret Thatcher. Or if we would like to be more engaging and warm, we could choose Bill Clinton or Ronald Reagan as a model. We can emulate any sports person, business leader, spiritual leader or anyone else who we greatly admire. This is a well known technique used by many actors wishing to evoke a particular character trait in performance.

We can manifest different behaviours or attributes for ourselves, from being caring, friendly, gregarious, sexy, patient, encouraging, happy, intuitive, loving and generous to being trustworthy, patient, having a good memory, and speaking a language fluently. We can visualise ourselves being successful in any circumstance we choose.

It's life changing. Try it.

Breathing out

Most of us tend to under-breathe so we're deficient in oxygen and also not adequately eliminating toxins. Good efficient breathing oxygenates your blood supply to your whole body and will clear your skin, calm you down, whiten your eyes and shine your hair. If you live in a city you'd be excused for thinking that the air isn't good enough to breathe. But inefficient breathing will do more harm in the long run. To state the obvious, air is good stuff and I would bottle it if I knew how. By freeing up our breathing we can help ourselves think more clearly and function more effectively.

To stimulate your breathing and to calm you down, try the following:

Sit or stand upright and ‘think’ your neck loose. Without taking a special breath, breathe out quietly through your nose as much as you can to empty your lungs. Empty them completely, but avoid collapsing your posture. Stay upright.

When you have expelled as much air as you can, release the tension around your ribs to allow them to expand and just let the air come in naturally. Do not suck or sniff air in. Try to let it come in naturally without effort.

When you do this procedure well, you may find the air comes in, in two stages i.e. your lungs will replace what you expelled, then you may get a small amount extra. When you have completed this little procedure, breathe normally for two breaths then repeat the whole process again, up to 4-5 times.

Do not continue to breathe this way. It is simply an exercise to stimulate your breathing. If you feel dizzy or faint, stop immediately. Return to normal breathing afterwards.

What is right for you

"What is right for one soul may not be right for another.
It may mean having to stand on your own and do something strange in the eyes of others.
But do not be daunted.
Do whatever it is because you know within it is right for you."

Eileen Caddy Co-Founder of the Findhorn Foundation, Scotland

Speaking slowly

If ever there was a way of getting people to listen to us in a meeting it is to speak more quietly and slowly. This is often the opposite of how we may speak in such situations where there's a little nervous and anxious about getting our point across. We may feel we need to speak loudly to get their attention. We can also rush our words, as a consequence of anxieties about being judged or what we are saying isn't important enough and the next bit will be better.

When you speak more slowly and quietly it gives the impression of what you have to say is important. (Whether it is or not doesn't matter!) Experiment with talking slowly when on the phone and in meetings. Put pauses between your comments. These will add weight to your message. Of course our speech shouldn't be a long inaudible drawl. Fluctuations in pitch for emphasis and varying speeds will help, but at all costs avoid rushing or mumbling.

Speaking quietly, slowly and deliberately will encourage people to listen to you more than if you raise your voice and rush your delivery. You will also allow yourself the chance to form your words more fully and add resonance. By doing so you can add power and gravitas to how you come over.

Often it's not what you say but how you say it that counts. The quality of your voice and delivery makes deals, wins arguments, gets salary increases and may even get people falling in love with you.

More posts on Voice.

Becoming high calibre

I believe that it’s possible for us all to perform better at virtually everything we do. It is within us to develop a calm centred balance that conveys our truly confident nature and professional demeanour. Through good natural poise and skilled and effective use of our voice we can sway an argument, enthrall an audience and win deals. We can bring gravitas, power and reassurance to a discussion and convey personal and professional reliability. We are all born with this capacity and with appropriate training, surprising results can be achieved.

We are all performers in one way or another, whether we’re in a business situation, on the tennis court, golf course, or even in social situations. But we’re not interested in ‘putting on’ a pretence that creates an illusion of high caliber. We’re not dealing with acting here. This is about being the person you have always wanted to be.

There are many courses that can help with presentation skills, negotiating and how to read body language etc., but this is not my point. I'm talking about finding your true calm, confidence…… the real you. So that you can be naturally at ease at all times and have the confidence to do the things in life that you really want to do. This quality can only be discovered by ridding yourself of the learnt postural habits that are interfering with your natural, healthy condition. When you are truly balanced, well co-ordinated, free in your joints and breathing fully the qualities I have written about before will be yours without any pretence. After all, we are all meant to be this way….naturally.

In order to achieve these qualities we must ensure that we are in good balance, released in our muscles throughout our body rather than tensing, lengthening and widening rather than stooping and not interfering with our breathing. This is how our body functions best. We've all got the instinct for this....we've got it from birth and it's still there until we die. It's just waiting to be rediscovered.

You can do Anything...

Just received this from a friend.

It's amazing what we can do if we put our mind to it.

The Meaning of Work

Kevin Salwen of Worthwhile magazine highlights a Wall Street Journal article on job fulfillment and how an increasing number of lawyers are less prepared to stick with a job that's unfulfilling, or to climb the corporate ladder just for the sake of the money.
As Kevin says, the term 'success' is being redefined.

It's a good question, why should anyone stick with an occupation that they don't enjoy, never mind love? What's with giving so much of our waking life to a job or career that sucks? Money may be helpful, but there are as many ways of making it as there are seconds in the day. I chose out of the corporate structure myself sixteen years ago, handed back the large company car, relinquished the executive salary to study for three years to retrain as a practitioner of the Alexander Technique and to help people with posture related problems. I've never looked back.

It's easy to feel trapped in a situation. With the high earnings comes the lifestyle, and to maintain the lifestyle that we've become accustomed to we need the high earnings and more....and more. Because the material pleasures don't last that long....about a month or two before the 'newness' and novelty wears off and we need the next latest gizmo to satisfy the craving. Then there is how others perceive us and the 'need' we have to be seen climbing the corporate/social ladder.... but for what? The material gains satisfy us on such a low and superficial level.

Continue reading "The Meaning of Work"

Church at Ivinghoe

St Mary's Church, Ivinghoe, Buckinghamshire

Churches can be such a haven of tranquility. A peacefulness and silence hangs in the air and while lingering to absorb the quietness, I find that I'm reconnected in some way with my soul and an experience of spirituality.

Through my photography I try to portray the mood of the church, its silence, age and atmosphere. The church transcends time. It smells of musty antiquity, home to a homogenous combination of ancient and more recent elements bearing witness to centuries of parishioners. Empty historic pews and stone slabs worn and polished by many hands and feet wait silently for future generations, unchanging and trapped in time while more modern items and the occasional personal touch betrays the hand of its present-day but absent assembly.

I'm going for a long weekend to Nofolk on Thursday and there are 400 meieval churches there. That's an awful lot of churches....

Photograph taken with Leica M6 on a tripod. Delta 100 film rated at 50ASA, 30 seconds at f11 and developed to compensate for contrast between shadows and highlights.

Persistence

"Nothing in this world can take the place of persistence.
Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent.
Genius will not; unrwarded genius is almost a proverb.
Education will not; the world is full of educated failures.
Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent"

Calvin Coolidge, 1872-1933 President of the United States of America

Beating stress

When it seems that all of the world’s troubles have taken up residence, lock stock and barrel in our neck and shoulders, then we know that tension is a problem. The muscles we’ve got in this part of our body are no weaklings, and they have the strength to really put us in a vice. This isn’t just a problem in itself, painful as it may be, but it can have disastrous knock-on effects to our whole posture, our breathing, and our ability to think clearly. And when we can’t think clearly, then life gets even more stressful!

Emotional stress and physical tension are inextricably linked up; pent up emotions can make us stiffen our muscles, and over tense muscles can cause anxiety, so it all gets worse. It seems that we’ve got our own helter-skelter downward spiral all to ourselves without going to any fairground! The unfortunate thing is that this one’s not much fun. We need to break the cycle. Whilst the external factors that cause us stress may be outside of our control, it may be possible for us to change the way we respond to them. Seeking help from an Alexander Technique teacher will be helpful, and if you feel that your symptoms are serious, you should consult your doctor. However, there are several things we can do to help ourselves.

Our body will function best if it’s loose and expansive; the way that nature intends us and how young children will show us. We can make our body looser by simply choosing to be so. Let’s start with our neck. Our spine comes right up to a height of between our ears and this is where our head balances. We should allow our head to roll forwards a little so that our nose drops by 1cm as this action helps to release tension in the big muscles in the back of our neck. Think of your head ‘teetering’ on top of your spine. We must not hold our head in any particular position as the ‘holding’ will involve tensing. Just allow it to balance. Allow your shoulders to relax and to be wide. You mustn’t force anything, and just let nature ‘do it’ for you.

Another important consideration is to ensure that we’re breathing! This may sound silly, but any physical tensions in our body reduce the efficiency of how we breathe. We tend to hold our breath, particularly when feeling stressed, which is the very time that we need adequate oxygen! You can increase the oxygenation of your body and expel toxins by simply performing the following procedure. Breathe out as far as you can, ideally without collapsing in stature. Keep your full height whilst breathing out fully, then simply ‘let go’ and allow the air to come in. Don’t suck; just let the air come in. You may notice that you get more in than you sent out! Do this again, but no more than six times. If you feel any dizziness, stop immediately.

Ideally we need to maintain upright posture that is both loose and tall whilst breathing freely. If we can maintain this quality during the day, we may find life a lot easier. The problems that we originally found to be the source of our stress may become just water off a duck’s back.