Perfect Poise, Perfect Life
Bring your body into balance and revolutionise your life
By Noel Kingsley
Publisher Hodder Mobius
AVAILABLE HERE
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Love and hug
Joel Kurth gives his father, Thomas, a hug the night before the kidney transplant surgery.
There are times when only a hug will speak what's truly in our heart. There are times when only physical contact can communicate the true depth of feeling, understanding, love, support, rapport, sympathy, caring, happiness, empathy, forgiveness, togetherness, reconciliation, pride and any otherness you can just about imagine. I'm thinking to myself as I write, who have I not given a hug to that I really deep down wish I could and should? Who am I missing out with and who is missing out from me? When is giving-time? It's most certainly anytime...particularly when we or our friends, relatives and companions are in difficulties. It's now. When there's fear, there's need for love. Love is healing. And when there's love, there's need for more. It's one of those things that doesn't run out, as there's more to give, like smiles.
The time when we’re falling in love is such a heavenly experience, our body chemistry is on overdrive creating hormones at a hundred miles an hour and we’re floating on air. Of course the object of our love is outside of us, but the experience and sensation is inside. The situation is a catalyst to change how we feel. Enjoying the company and love of others changes our chemistry so that we feel this happy, loving feeling, but the experience is just as much about how we feel about ourselves. Touching, stroking and hugging is known to lower the heart rate and blood pressure so reducing the risk of illness or heart disease. Being in love brings the opportunity to share and enjoy regular physical contact, peace and contentment, satisfaction and security and it helps us relax. They say it makes the world go round.
Any form of emotional expression helps to free us up, connect with our innermost feelings, to feel good and relax inside. When we are really relaxed we are also probably at our most intuitive, receptive and responsive. Human contact is one of the strongest stimuli that we can experience and it has untold powers. Being touched by another communicates so many things, and we usually enjoy it; at least we do when it’s not threatening.
Touching is something that many westerners refrain from doing; partly because of social inhibitions, but also to avoid possible misinterpretation and it may be taboo in particular circumstances and with certain age groups, but we may also not touch because we are just simply withheld. We hold ourselves back. If we look at monkeys, they’re touching the whole time and if we were more allowing, we would probably do so too.
Now I’m not suggesting that you go out and hug, touch and generally assault everyone you meet. This would be alarming for the person involved if she or he is not willing, and it may well get you into trouble. But with people who you know and with whom you have a familiarity and where the territories are understood, then to touch or even to have a nice hug is a wonderful experience. It helps us connect, really connect. It’s reassuring, comforting, relaxing, loving, and altogether good for us. Stroking a pet is also beneficial as this is also known to lower levels of stress and reduce blood pressure.
Unconditional love and hugs are wonderful because we feel safe and unthreatened. In such situations we can give ourselves wholeheartedly without fear that it will turn into something else. Some people in relationships may reduce the amount of physical contact between each other as familiarity and possibly boredom increases over the years. This is not because they don’t need the contact, but for other reasons. Indeed we may need even more hugs and touching as a sign and confirmation of continuing love and support. If we don’t get this experience from within the relationship, we may well start looking for it from outside.
There were many decades when I didn't hug my parents. It was part of growing up, being macho and independent. Many of us probably behave this way at times in our lives. This situation lasted too long in my case, but that's now changed. I've got the best relationship with my Dad now than I ever had, and we enjoy a good hug when we meet. Sadly my Mum passed away, but not before we enjoyed the return of more physical closeness.
By touching on greeting, kissing as the French do, shaking hands and having a hug can all be helpful in encouraging the open exchange of honest rapport. They help us connect, and connecting helps us communicate and on more levels than simply by speech. If our intentions are honourable, our actions are unlikely to be misinterpreted and we can enjoy many benefits.
It can take some courage to break patterns of behaviour that have built up over time. But if the relationship is long standing, and hugs were higher on the agenda than they are now, then maybe we can be brave and take the step. If our 'intentions' are honourable, and we 'behave', then our actions are unlikely to be misjudged. If we have feelings other than 'honourable' then the other person will probably pick up on it. Being unconditional is the key, with a clear head. If it's with your wife/husband or partner, ...or your father, mother, sister or brother, then you may just make their day....and their life too.
:-)
