Perfect Poise, Perfect Life
Bring your body into balance and revolutionise your life
By Noel Kingsley
Publisher Hodder Mobius
AVAILABLE HERE

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Mirroring emotions and posture

I was at a preview last night of Sam Shepherd's play 'Fool for Love' that opens at the Apollo, Shaftesbury Avenue, and I must say I had a real problem to stay unaffected by it. You may well ask why would I want to remain unaffected rather than let myself go. Good question. It comes down to the nature of the play and my mirror neurons.

The play was a relationship feud between a girl and her ex who has returned again to wreck her peace by seeking her back. And so it continued. It's a well written play, certainly well performed and I wish them well with this production. But there was so much angst in it....probably around 80% argument and shouting that I could feel my own emotions being dragged down to a similar level. Now for me, this is not the sort of 'entertainment' that I normal seek. My day is generally on a high; I teach the Alexander Technique, I help people revive good posture, we're on the up physically and emotions are usually on the level and happy. You may have gathered this from the type of blogs I write. So being assaulted by aggro does not appeal at least not for the full duration of a play.

Mirror neurons have been well researched and these work inside of us when we watch other people and create a similar emotional state as though we had been in the same situation ourselves. We pick up on other people's emotions very quickly. Indeed, it seems that negative emotions are picked up more easily than positive happy ones. Choosing who we share time with is important as we pick up on each other. So it's good to be around positive happy people as much of the time as possible. It rubs off on us and them. Like attracts like.

As a health practitioner I meet many hundreds and indeed thousands of people over the years, all of whom are wonderful people in their own individual way. Many are full of hope and seeking good and help and are great to work with. There are some people though who may have been so overcome by difficulties and are suppressed and suffering. They carry their problems as enormous weights and although they come for help because they think they 'should', they have difficulty in accepting positive change and some really don't want it. Their habitual state is so 'down', familiar and although hurtful, that they'd rather stay there.

As I work with my hands to help release them from tensions and bring them up in stature, which is what they need to function healthily, it can sometimes be very hard for me to not take on the same emotional state. Experience over years teaches us how, but the pull is still there. So I have to remain 'up' and provide a strong stimulus for them to be drawn towards my emotional and physical state. As our motor neurons work and negative emotions are stronger in 'pull' than positive, I have to work doubly hard to keep my place of neutrality and positive healthy poise to resist the 'attraction' of down. It's important because I've got my own health to maintain and there will be a number of other people coming to see me straight afterwards and they won't benefit from me if I'm not at my best. If I work with the client for a sufficiently long period, they will almost certainly change fundamentally for the better. As their posture improves they start to feel well emotionally and physically. They can become freer to let out their true spirit and natural physique, unaffected by negative traits. The positive situation needs to be refreshed frequently for it to become a new positive trait.

Cathy Sierra quoted from Steven Stosny, an expert on road rage,

"Anger and resentment are the most contagious of emotions," according to Stonsy. "If you are near a resentful or angry person, you are more prone to become resentful or angry yourself. If one driver engages in angry gestures and takes on the facial expressions of hostility, surrounding drivers will unconsciously imitate the behavior--resulting in an escalation of anger and resentment in all of the drivers. Added to this, the drivers are now more easily startled as a result of the outpouring of adrenaline accompanying their anger. The result is a temper tantrum that can easily escalate into road rage."

If we are learning a new activity, be it golf, swimming, piano or violin or running, we should be careful who we choose as role models because we will surely pick up all their good and negative traits with equal measure.

neurologist Richard Restak offers this advice:

"If you want to accomplish something that demands determination and endurance, try to surround yourself with people possessing these qualities. And try to limit the time you spend with people given to pessimism and expressions of futility. Unfortunately, negative emotions exert a more powerful effect in social situations than positive ones, thanks to the phenomena of emotional contagion."

We subconsciously use the technique of mirroring to empathise with people and also to make ourselves more attractive to them. If we 'fancy' someone or wish to get on the same wavelength we will stand like them, cross our legs like them, lean on one arm like them, agree, nod and generally mimic in such a way it's almost comical from an observer's view point. We may even talk like them. Like attracts like.

While sitting in the local park on Saturday I noticed a middle aged married couple and was struck by how similar they were. At first I thought they were brother and sister but their rings and behaviour showed otherwise. They were similar in posture, weight and build, facial features and also the lines of expression. They mirrored each other beautifully. Have you noticed how couples can take on each other's characteristics, expressions and mannerisms?

Mirroring also works in a similar, all be it subtly different way, if we are not feeling so happy. If we can muster a smile or even laugh, there are chemical changes that take place to bring about the same emotional state with which the activity is associated.

So to summarise, it's good to surround ourselves with happy and positive people so we absorb their good and healthy energy. Also if we are amongst negative and aggressive people for a while, stay back and observe the situation from an emotional distance. Let the negativity be something they are doing. and not you. And remember to breathe......Air works wonders at calming us down. At times of stress it's so easy to forget to breathe.

:-)

Posted by Noël on June 13, 2006 9:27 AM | Permalink