Perfect Poise, Perfect Life
Bring your body into balance and revolutionise your life
By Noel Kingsley
Publisher Hodder Mobius
AVAILABLE HERE

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On Judging others...

It's so easy to judge isn't it? What I mean is, don't you find it so easy to make judgements about situations and other people, when in actual fact there is quite a high chance that our judgement is.....well, unjust? I know myself how terribly quick I am to judge others and when I notice, correct myself immediately.

Not only are we likely to be inaccurate in our assessment, but we also harm ourselves. By categorising, classing, positioning, comparing and assessing others in a critical or judgemental way, we are limiting our view and excluding possibilities that things may be otherwise. We also create negativity towards our subject and towards ourselves. Criticsm and judgement can be so limiting and damaging as it's likely to be laced with a negative emotion. We also project our own prejudices, negativity and limitations onto others. I feel the negative judgements that can so easily be made about others, say far more about the person making the judgement than about the one who is being judged.

There was a conversation I had with someone over the weekend that prompted this blog today. We were discussing whether a mutual friend who is a university student would be in London over the summer holidays or whether he would return home to France. I had commented that as he has now got an English girlfriend (who we both know) that he he had a great incentive to stay in England during his holidays to be with her. But my companion immediately said that 'everyone' is hoping that he will have grown out of her by then and moved on. I asked why, and I was told the general view was that she was rather flighty and he deserved better. Well this conversation raised my hackles and I quickly chose to let it go.

But on considering this again later, I thought it terribly unfair to judge this young lady in the way she has been. The people who concurred with this view of her, most certainly do not have the relationship with her that our male friend has. How could they? Unless they have all had a romantic, loving, sexual, caring relationship with her (which I doubt!) how could they see her from our male friend's perspective? He will almost certainly have seen another side to her, as in such a relationship the dynamics are different; the closeness, intimacy, trust and security bring out deeper parts of our personalities. She could easily be the most wonderful partner for him. How can we possibly see her from his perspective, or for that matter any other person from another's standpoint?

Their relationship may or may not be forever. But that's not of our or anyone else's concern. If it's 'right' for just now, then that's good....for now. As that is the only time that we've got....right now. If it's going well, it's going well. End of story. They're happy, and all can see that. So this is great. If we can find happiness within ourselves, and also with another then we've got a big part of what life's about. Health, well being and happiness. :-)

Posted by Noël on June 19, 2006 8:51 AM | Permalink