Perfect Poise, Perfect Life
Bring your body into balance and revolutionise your life
By Noel Kingsley
Publisher Hodder Mobius
AVAILABLE HERE
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Defensive Pessimist or Realistic Optimist?
In a new book The Positive Power of Negative Thinking, Dr Julie Norem, clinical psychologist argues that being an optimist can be harmful. Being happy, upbeat and staying positive is the modern philosophy of life, but it can lead to problems if negative emotions such as anger, resentment, jealousy and hate are suppressed. And I couldn't agree more. There is sufficient evidence to suggest that suppressed emotions can lead to sickness, heart disease and cancer. Studies show that men who express anger in a moderate fashion have a lower-than-average risk of stroke and coronary problems. It's good to let the emotions out and not suppress them.
Dr Norem, in her crusade against relentless positivity, suggests that we should foster a strategy called 'defensive pessimism'. She says this is not depressive pessimism, but the ability to use depressive thinking productively. People who adopt this strategy can use the 'fruits of their anxieties' by mentally rehearsing and preparing for all that can go wrong. By doing so they can make excellent troubleshooters as they are prepared for any eventuality and have fall back plans B and C. ...Hmmn, sounds a little like me, but not completely.
If you've read any of my blogs, you would be excused for thinking that I'm an eternal optimist without a negative thought, and certainly I do believe in the power of positive thinking. How often have you heard me say, 'what you think is what you get'? By thinking positively we can help avoid the things in life we do not want. But I am not a compulsive positive thinker and it may surprise you to know that I often consider what may need to be done in order to avoid problems. My partner will tell you, when we go on holiday, the first thing I do is pull out a 'holiday list' of things we may need. She sighs and thinks I'm mad, but I'm happiy content to check we have everything. The list includes all possible needs from swimwear to snow boots, but naturally we only select essentials. It's an easy, quick and efficient way of not forgetting something obvious and help bring peace of mind. I don't take the all-weather gear on a summer holiday to the Riviera, just in case there are thunderstorms! If we go for a long car drive, I'll ask my partner to take a spare car key, so if I happen to lose mine we're not stuck. Simple, but effective planning for possible problems. Considering such eventualities does not stop me from being an optimist and having a positive frame of mind. Neurotic? Maybe, but happy? Yes. Depressive Pessimist? No.
Dr Norem suggests that optimism and positivity make a recipe for denial of reality and what really is going on in life, so will bring on sickness. Certainly if we deny emotions then this may be the case, but not in all situations. It is possible to both, face reality and accept our circumstances that may be far from ideal, and also be positive about how we move forward. Susan Harrison, 30, lost a leg in the terrible bomb attack at Kings Cross station a year ago and had to have it amputated above the knee. Despite this, Ms Harrison will walk 66 miles later this month to raise money for Oxfam. Gill Hicks was a survivor of the Russell Square blast who lost both legs below the knee. Ms Hicks got married to Joe Kerr last December after walking down the aisle on her new prosthetic legs. Both women show extraordinary fortitude in the face of tragedy. They didn't manage this by living in denial.
Physical hurt can also cause emotional devastation and It is necessary to release any held emotions. Razz whose story I told in 'Perfect Poise, Perfect Life' lost an arm in a water skiing accident as a young man. Although his loss of arm was a real thing that he had to deal with on a practical level by learning to do everything with the other hand including writing, he had not accepted the situation emotionally and held a lot of pain, anger and resentment. It wasn't until twelve years later when he was on a personal development workshop that he was encouraged to let out his anger. He did so with such vigour and power by screaming for a full fifteen minutes that he passed out three times. Afterwards he described his experience after pain, as being one of extreme joy and happiness, of freedom, release and transformation. He is one of the most level-headed optimists I know and now runs personal development seminars around the world.
A positive attitude helps with so much. No professional footballer ever scored a goal by thinking that the ball will not go in the net. Sports people are completely positive. They have to be. Naturally, to help ensure they have the best chance of succeeding, or avoiding failure, they do enormous amounts of practice and work on their weaknesses. Call it troubleshooting if you like.
If we have negative emotions we may find that we can become more emotionally centred by means of PSC (Positive Self Care) including improvements to posture, drinking adequate water, getting sufficient sleep, healing etc. As we become more emotionally centred we may not experience such aggressive or extremely negative emotions.
Both positivity and a realistic attitude can exist at the same time. Call it Realistic Optimism.
If we can achieve acceptance of 'what is' and see exactly where we are right now, then we have more peace of mind, contentment and a real place from where we can move forward from. Then a positive attitude can work wonders.
Pessimism of any sort invites the very things we do not want to happen, to actually come about. 'What you think is what you get'. OK, if you're pessimistic, then it may be advantageous to plan for any eventuality and ensure all possible disasters (that we may invite) have been planned for....Defensive pessimism.
But for me, I'd rather invite what I do want to happen by thinking positively. As long as we are clear headed and real about where we are at this moment, accepting our situation 100 percent, not harbouring any negative emotions then we are not in denial. We have a solid foundation from where to move forward from. If you are thinking positively and optomistic, there is no accounting for what wonderful things might happen. And if you are unrealistically optimistic, then that's when miracles can happen.
:-)
Source - The Times.
