Perfect Poise, Perfect Life
Bring your body into balance and revolutionise your life
By Noel Kingsley
Publisher Hodder Mobius
AVAILABLE HERE
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Moving on
It can be upsetting when we realise that a friend, acquaintance or companion is no longer in our milieu. They may be someone we saw a lot of for a while, enjoyed their company at the time, but for various reasons we don't see them any more. If there was a difference of opinion or crossed words, then we will know the reason why, but for many others, there may not be a specific answer, other than we've moved on.
Was it something I said? What did I do wrong? Thinking back to the last occasion we can struggle to recall details of discussions for a clue to an upset, but then it may still elude us. Well. if the person is dear to us, then we should obviously get in touch. It takes two to Tango and it takes two to keep a relationship going. Sometimes it's best to take the initiative and rather than waiting for them to contact us "It's their turn!", to call them up and get chatting. We're likely to find that there's nothing wrong at all and they have been as busily occupied as we have. "Great, let's meet at the weekend."
On the other hand, while we may remember good times with someone, we now feel less interested and not adequately motivated to make that call. You know, it's possible they feel the same. But we can feel variously about this, from being OK about it, to guilt and disappointment. Understandably too.
And as I think back to a specific friendship that has lapsed and of the person I haven't seen for quite a long time, and of the great times we had together but no longer do, it feels strange. In some ways I want to revive it, but something deep down prevents me from making contact. Why is that?
Well, as the saying goes.....'The only constant in life is change.' And change we do. And change everyone else does. And if one person appears not to change much, I'm not so sure that's true. Superficially someone may not appear to change "He's always the same." but deeper down there are likely to be changes. Even just repeating the same patterns in life changes how we are; our characteristics and attitudes can become even more pronounced. I believe we all change. So in relationships we either change together or we change apart.
And whatever it is.....that's OK. It's OK to change together, and it's OK to change apart. If it's the latter, then we're moving on. What was good for a while, may have had its life. But that's fine. There is no point in feeling resentful about this, as this emotion will only eat away at yourself and cause more pain and eventually sickness. Why hang on? We can choose to feel grateful for the great time we had. "Thank you!" Move on.
We can be grateful for all our relationships, present and past. Most of us will have had romantic relationships in our life that are no longer. They came to an end, having hopefully been good for a while, but their 'Best by' date came. So it was good for a while. "Thanks." We can be happy about this. If it was a marriage, then it ends in separation or divorce which is sad, in some ways, but either married couples change together or they change apart. And just because we're married doesn't mean that we will never change. Let's get real about it. If there are children involved, then we need to think clearly about our decision and the impact it can have on them and others. Depending on the specific nature of the problems and situation, we make our decisions for the good of all.....as best we can. But change cannot be stopped or halted. We can ignore it, pretend it's not happening, but it's there to be seen. We take our choices to live with differences and make it work, or we move on. There is always a choice to be made. When I hear someone say "I have no choice but to carry on." That is their choice. There is always an alternative.
Letting go of the past is a cleansing and potentially healing thing to do. Hanging on does us no good. By moving on, we create new space in our life which will eventually allow something new and possibly more appropriate to our current situation, to move into. When a door shuts, a window opens. It always does.
