Perfect Poise, Perfect Life
Bring your body into balance and revolutionise your life
By Noel Kingsley
Publisher Hodder Mobius
AVAILABLE HERE

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Letting go of Resentment

Someone said something to me over the weekend about which it would easy to feel a little resentful. In such situations I try to remind myself quickly that any hurt that I may feel is what I choose to feel. If someone has insulted me or hurt my feelings or annoyed me for any reason, they haven’t done anything at all except say a few words, or do something that triggered a negative response in me. They haven’t made me feel bad; it is me that has done so.

I can choose to feel any emotion I like, and while my ego may wish to feel resentful, it’s not in my best interest. Negative emotions such as resentment or anger have a strong detrimental effect on our own health and well-being. Also, whatever we think is attracting more of the same.....it's the Law of Attraction.

No matter how bad I feel, my emotions are not necessarily affecting the other person, who may have forgotten all about the incident, or not realised the potentially explosive nature of their comment. So while this person may have said something that we have interpreted as hurtful, it’s not the words that did any harm but our response to them that gives us this negative experience. And while the person may say something hurtful, intentionally or not, if we were able to go deep enough down, we would find that they are just as magnificent and loving as anyone else, because it is nature’s way to grow with love. The words or actions they make are only what they do, and not who they are. If we can remember this, it may help us find compassion towards another towards whom we feel resentment.

Any problems that we feel are not outside of us, but inside of us. So it’s not the world that needs healing but how we interpret and internalise what we see. If we feel resentment, then we are choosing that experience for ourselves, but we have the ability to choose a different experience if we wish. By choosing to see situations from the standpoint of love, and if we give out and project love and kindness, then that is what we will get back. Like attracts like. We all choose our own experience and if we want to be happy and content, it is up to us to choose to be so.

There is a little exercise I do at such times if I feel any annimosity, anger or resentment. You may like to try it. This exercise is not about the other person; it is about you and me. Remember it is you that is holding this ill feeling, so it is you that has to change. And as much as you might like other people to change, they will only do so if it suits them. You don’t want your own health and well-being to be reliant on someone else. We can let go of resentment for ourselves. It is up to us, no other.

Whether they meant to say or do what upset you doesn’t really matter. If they did mean it, we still want to heal how we feel, so it’s ourselves we need to change.

Remember that what people do or say is not who they are. We all have had difficult times in our lives that affect the way we think and behave. The person who upset you may have suffered some hurt in childhood, possibly by their parents, who in turn were affected by their parents. We will never know what experiences they have had, but it is these that make people say and do the things they do. It is not necessarily their fault and it’s not who they are. We have all had had many difficulties in our lives and it is the accumulation of these that influence our actions and our response to others.

If we go deep enough down, we will find that they are the most loving, caring and beautiful person and their true inner self would never have meant to hurt you. Their actions or words probably hurt you because they resonated with an issue that you hold deep inside yourself. Your response is coloured by your own lifetime’s experiences and hurts and is nothing to do with the other person. So the way you feel is much more about you rather than them. Think about this and see if you can find forgiveness, not only for them, but also for yourself. Think of the person in loving terms.

Say "I am sorry, I love you." Say it over and over again privately. It can be under your breath or out loud, but in private. Who are you saying it to? You are saying it to yourself, because you're sorry for hurting yourself with negative thoughts, and you are saying it to, and for, the other person. You are also saying "I love you." to yourself as people are more likely to love you if you have good and loving feelings towards yourself. You are also saying it to them. They will not hear you, but the energy between you will change.

Think of how lovely they truly are and excuse their actions. Let them go. You don’t need to hold onto your feelings any longer. Find love for them instead.

It works for me. Maybe it can work for you too.
:-)

Posted by Noël on October 2, 2006 11:15 AM | Permalink