Perfect Poise, Perfect Life
Bring your body into balance and revolutionise your life
By Noel Kingsley
Publisher Hodder Mobius
AVAILABLE HERE

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To Thine Own Self Be True

When you greet someone and say " Hi. How are you?", more often than not they'll reply with "I'm fine thanks, and you?" or "Going great." or"Yeah, not so bad." or "Very well thanks.". When do you ever hear someone say in response to your enquiry "Not so good" "I'm shit" or "Bloody awful". Never, or nearly never.

So, by all accounts everyone is perfectly fine and their lives are going hunky-dory like a clock-work train. Yes, everyone is absolutely terrific. But then if we chat a while with our friend we'll hear how stressed they are, the dog has diarrhoea, their son failed most of the GCSE exams, their boss has it in for them and their back is giving them grief.

It's just that if we were to always hear the truth of the matter up front, we may just run the other way. So we give out that everything is perfect when it's truly not, just so we don't send everyone running. Who wants to spend time with a negative talking, unsuccessful and sick specimen of humankind? Well, if the truth be told, I do.

When I say that I want to be with people who say everything is going badly, what I mean is that I want people to say how it truly is and not pretend. I want people to be REAL and not put on a mask of pretence, or be hiding the real person. No matter how people pretend, there are give-away signals that tell us otherwise. And if we don't see the 'real person' how can we really love them? How can we fully connect with them?

When we are presented with a 'face' that is contrived or a pretence and an ideal of how a person would like to be perceived, how can we possibly see the real person underneath. We don't fall in love with a mask. If we do, it will be short lived and there can be disappointment when it comes off. If we were all to communicate on such shallow and contrived levels, how can we ever relate to each other in a deep and meaningful way?

Naturally we don't really want to surround ourselves with 'negative' people as this can bring our own mood down. We mirror emotions very easily and this can have a detrimental effect on our own sense of well-being, health and outlook in life. Indeed it's best if we can be amidst happy, jovial, successful, positive, loving, healthy, optimistic people. Mirroring emotions in such situations helps to make our own life even better. But then, if we are not feeling so great and we're in the company of someone who's just having the most fantastic time, feeling great and they tell you just how super-fantastically-brilliant they really are and what an amazing life they are having, we can begin to shrink away and feel even worse. Again, is this super-human example being really true to themselves, or are they faking it? What is behind this mask of superior excellence? if behind this mask we find someone who is truly amazing then we're dealing with the 'real' person and it is unlikely that there will be any dissonance in their persona, they will be relaxed in themselves. People who truly have it, rarely give a display of excess or arrogance. It's those who 'do not have' who put on a pretence and it comes across as over-strong and 'not real'. It can be a real turn-off.

I just love it when I can see the real person....warts and all. Then I know who I'm dealing with. I'm far more likely to back away from someone if my senses tell me that I'm talking to a mask of pretence, than I am if someone tells me the truth about how it's all going wrong and the bottom has fallen out of their lives. That I can relate to and their whole being rings with truth. Then I can love them for who they are. Then I can have empathy and a really connection with the person. I cannot connect with a mask or contrived persona.

So I make a mental note to myself, as prone as I am as anyone to say "I'm fine." when it may not be the case, to always be true, to be true to myself. (I cannot be true to any other.) Then they have the tangible 'me' to relate to. And if they don't like me as I am, then that's not my problem. By letting myself be 'me', by being true to myself then I encourage self-healing and health rather than inner conflict, dissonance and disharmony. I encourage self-acceptance of who I am which brings relief. I can relax in the real me. Even in discomfort I can relax. When I can find real and loving acceptance of myself,.....then I will be fine. Then "Fine." means fine. Then it's truth. And that's what people want to hear. They want to hear that "I'm fine." and for it to be true.

But until then they're going to have to hear it as it truly is. Because only then will I be able to be truly as I am and live my life with honesty to myself, happily and in the best of health.

:-)

To Thine Own Self Be True
-- William Shakespeare

Posted by Noël on November 8, 2006 2:16 PM | Permalink