Perfect Poise, Perfect Life
Bring your body into balance and revolutionise your life
By Noel Kingsley
Publisher Hodder Mobius
AVAILABLE HERE

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Beauty in a handshake

"Hi! Pleased to meet you!" I smile as I take his hand. In a matter of two seconds I have learnt something about this person in subtle ways than if I may not have learnt if I chatted to him for half an hour.

In our society where it would be intrusive and over-personal to physically touch a stranger, the handshake is accepted as part of a normal introduction. When we greet friends there may also be a handshake or usually a hug or kiss on the cheek, but in the situation of meeting someone for the first time, such familiarity would be an affront; yet the handshake is accepted custom.

Human touch is one of the most powerful stimuli we can experience. It sends shock waves and energy through our body. In England we have the most reserved of natures, but we are strong on using the handshake as a means of introduction. Two people simultaneously reach out their hands and 'BANG' electric currents and energy communicate. We engage momentarily with someone in a most personal way; through human contact, even though other forms of touch are taboo.

This causes me to think about what is it about me that the other person picks up, albeit subconsciously when we shake hands. Naturally this is only one part of a greeting; there is the meeting of eyes, or not as the case may be; there is a smile, grimace, frown; there can be an air of competition, one-up man-ship, superiority; or there can be interest, pleasure and attraction or joy. Shaking hands is only a part of our greeting, but the manner in which we do the shake of someone else's hand can tell whole stories.

Do you notice how someones hand feels when you shake it? I do, and that's not because I'm an Alexander teacher. What is there to notice in such an exchange? There is the contact; do the palms meet, is the hand soft and spongy or hard and tense; is it firm and solid or weak and insecure; is there a warmth in the greeting or just formality; is it vigorous or gentle; bone-breaking or like a wet fish; do the fingers reach out around the hand or hold you as they would a piece of paper? We probably also pick up on the emotional state and demeanour of the person.

I usually find shaking hands such a good experience, or at least interesting. I enjoy a gentle firmness in contact, palm meeting palm, fingers reaching out around the hand, softness in muscle (not tense), a generous shake but not too vigorous. I enjoy a handshake that feels like they mean it. It does not want to be over long, but it is also nice when it exists for more than a quarter second.

Is there a 'right' way of doing a handshake? Probably not. I think there are just different ways. All handshakes are individual and have their own characteristics. They can be a very powerful experience so I like to offer a hand that does not display any overt tendencies, but has warmth and security; one that comes from my heart and that is meant. I don't feel that it should be 'noticeable' for any undue amount of effort, trying or self-consciousness. But a little care and consideration can make the experience for the other person a good one. And this is also the impression we give of ourselves.

Posted by Noël on October 23, 2008 7:29 AM | Permalink