Perfect Poise, Perfect Life
Bring your body into balance and revolutionise your life
By Noel Kingsley
Publisher Hodder Mobius
AVAILABLE HERE

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Out of sight, but not out of mind

When death comes to a family and a close relative passes away it is always a shock, even when it is expected. If the event is anticipated owing to a long term illness or injury, the passing always hits you. This is what my own family have been experiencing in recent days. The funeral was on Friday last week where we were able to pay our last respects and give our personal farewells. In some respects the service was a form of closure, so we can now draw a line under it and get ourselves back to normal life. But is that truly the case?

My own mother passed away quite a few years ago and despite having 'got back to normal life', I now experience life without her, but I also have a sense that she is 'with' me. As we 'draw a line under the passing', it does not mean that we forget, because how can we? Life may return to normality in many practical ways, but the passing of a loved one does not mean that they are absent from our life; they are probably in our minds and hearts almost as much as they may have been before, but how we perceive them has changed. We can no longer have a discussion, laugh together, play or argue, we cannot do each other favours and kindnesses, we cannot touch them or link arms with them, hug them or tease them. And likewise we no longer receive their attention. I cannot do any of these things to my late Mum nor to our other close family member who died recently. But this does not mean that they do not exist for us on some level, possibly a very close level.....for the rest of our lives.

Remembering or thinking of someone does not mean that we hang onto the past. The past is gone. Our experiences with this person are now behind us and we cannot relive them or revive them. But the memory of them colours our own life now and it would not be how it is now, without having had the experiences we had with them. But where we are now, is TODAY and this moment NOW is the only time we have. The past is behind us and the future will not come until it is in the Present. Now is all we have.

With the passing of a close friend or relative our life does move on and I for one am grateful for the enrichment to my own life for the associations and sharing of experiences, of having the privilege and good fortune to have known them. This is what's with me now. They were with me in person when they were alive and now they are with me in the form of a great many experiences that colour my own present existence and I am grateful for all of that. And they will continue to be with me. My life now is richer for it and as I smiled with her, I also continue to smile, as I get on with my life today.

Thank you.

Posted by Noël on November 25, 2008 7:59 AM | Permalink