Perfect Poise, Perfect Life
Bring your body into balance and revolutionise your life
By Noel Kingsley
Publisher Hodder Mobius
AVAILABLE HERE
Out of sight, but not out of mind
November 25, 2008
When death comes to a family and a close relative passes away it is always a shock, even when it is expected. If the event is anticipated owing to a long term illness or injury, the passing always hits you. This is what my own family have been experiencing in recent days. The funeral was on Friday last week where we were able to pay our last respects and give our personal farewells. In some respects the service was a form of closure, so we can now draw a line under it and get ourselves back to normal life. But is that truly the case?
My own mother passed away quite a few years ago and despite having 'got back to normal life', I now experience life without her, but I also have a sense that she is 'with' me. As we 'draw a line under the passing', it does not mean that we forget, because how can we? Life may return to normality in many practical ways, but the passing of a loved one does not mean that they are absent from our life; they are probably in our minds and hearts almost as much as they may have been before, but how we perceive them has changed. We can no longer have a discussion, laugh together, play or argue, we cannot do each other favours and kindnesses, we cannot touch them or link arms with them, hug them or tease them. And likewise we no longer receive their attention. I cannot do any of these things to my late Mum nor to our other close family member who died recently. But this does not mean that they do not exist for us on some level, possibly a very close level.....for the rest of our lives.
Remembering or thinking of someone does not mean that we hang onto the past. The past is gone. Our experiences with this person are now behind us and we cannot relive them or revive them. But the memory of them colours our own life now and it would not be how it is now, without having had the experiences we had with them. But where we are now, is TODAY and this moment NOW is the only time we have. The past is behind us and the future will not come until it is in the Present. Now is all we have.
With the passing of a close friend or relative our life does move on and I for one am grateful for the enrichment to my own life for the associations and sharing of experiences, of having the privilege and good fortune to have known them. This is what's with me now. They were with me in person when they were alive and now they are with me in the form of a great many experiences that colour my own present existence and I am grateful for all of that. And they will continue to be with me. My life now is richer for it and as I smiled with her, I also continue to smile, as I get on with my life today.
Thank you.
Living in history
July 22, 2008
Always keen to envisage life in a different era and experience stepping back in time I relish moments spent in areas such as Spitalfields, London, an area that is now best known for its Sunday market but was once the Jewish quarter, centre of cloth trade and named after a Hospital and Priory known as St. Mary's Spital, founded in 1197. The streets are still lined with old weavers' houses built in the 1700s, complete with their shutters, where some gas lamps in the street still exist and the only clue to being in the twentieth century are the bollards to prevent parking on pavements.
A glance higher than eye level and you'll be struck by the glistening glass towers of modern offices of financial institutions in the City, but casting one's eye around at normal viewing height it's a different world. Some shops make it their business to retain as much character as possible from the by-gone ages, and the houses are as though they would have been two hundred years ago, with Regency doors and windows, and dark basements below the pavement gratings. There are not many cars and in my mind I hear the rattle of steel wheels and horses hooves on mud and cobbles.
Same place; same buildings; different era. We turned a corner to find a tourist group following the trail Jack the Ripper. Apparently he killed a woman in the narrow lane we're now standing. We hurry out into the sunshine.
They lived their lives of romance, business, dealings and intrigue, of poverty and wealth just as we do. I thought of myself as a historic person viewed through the eyes of a 24th century person in the future. Anonymous we are, but they may savour the lives that people once lived in 2008. "How strange it must have been to rely on telephones and petrol for cars.
Suddenly I feel very temporary, very mortal and irrelevant. What am I doing? Why am I here? I conclude the bottom line is to be as healthy as can be, to enjoy my life and contribute something worthwhile for the enjoyment and health of others. We may only be temporarily here, but we may as well make the most of it. Indeed every moment counts.
:-)
We become what we think
July 14, 2008True story of the Miracle Man from The Secret
Looking back over the years, my life appears to have gone through certain phases; indeed it seems that I've had several lives in one (and I haven't finished yet!). Now I'm not going to bore you with any details, what I've done, where I've lived or who with! All that's not up for blogging about. But having been rather a poor performer at school, my life changed when I thought differently.
I was quite a frightened child at school for various reasons; I'm sure my learning ability was affected by bullying, from kids and also teachers. I remember one teacher skinning my knuckles on the edge of a wooden desk in her attempt to make me remember some historical fact or arithmetical calculation. I became so petrified of getting this treatment again that I think my brain seized up! Then I couldn't think at all. It was drummed into me from the age of six that I was hopeless at school and I was a poor performer. This became something I grew to believe for myself. So guess what.....because I believed it, that's what was my experience.
After leaving school I remember an occasion in my late teens having flunked most exams, suddenly having the idea that actually I was not much different from other kids and there was no real reason why I couldn't be good at some things. I became determined to make a difference. I therefore set out to be successful in my new career in shop window display and other activities that interested me. I would not say my life since school has been a success story of any measure whatsoever, but there have been a number of landmark achievements that may have surprised my early school teacher if she'd lived long enough to find out. But my primary school teacher was in her sixties when I started school in the 1950s, so her upbringing was probably Victorian.
Norman Vincent Peale, American writer and Minister said, "One of the greatest of all principles is that men (and women) can do what they think they can do." I would also adapt his words to say, "...that men cannot do what they think they cannot do". It happened to me at school; I believed that I could not do well in class, so I did not. I fulfilled my belief. But in my late teens I had the revelatory idea that I could do well, and that's what happened. I eventually became a senior executive in a large national retailing organisation, became a Fellow of the Royal Photographic Society and I'm happily busy with my Alexander Technique practice in central London.
It's clear to me, from personal experience, despite reading quotations from the likes of Norman Vincent Peale, that we are all capable of doing more. It is our thinking that limits us. It's our belief in ourselves that limits us. It's all about how we think. Change how you think and you change your life.
Whatever is the limit of our imagination and perception of what we can do, have or experience; this is how we will eventually perceive in our life. But if we can stretch our imagination to include some wonderful....indeed unbelievable things and truly think that we can achieve or have these things, we will bring about the circumstances where they can become reality. It's about stretching the elastic of how we think about ourselves, our situation and our life. We can ask for more than what we have but also ask for more than what we've already asked for! I thought of myself as a dunce at school; my belief and perception made it so. I changed my thinking and it changed my life. The Miracle Man in The Secret achieved more than most of us would think possible. ( I hope you are inspired by that little film clip as much as I am!)
Man (or woman) becomes what he thinks about.
it's good to stretch our imagination....to go a little beyond what we think is possible.....
:-)
Over the hill and far away...
June 19, 2008
Albatross
Busy day today? It's easy to get caught up in the activities of the day, the meetings, reports to write, children to wash, clothe and feed, home to clean, do the shopping et al. When the head is down and we're focused, busy getting on with all the jobs and responsibilities of the day we become so wrapped up with it all we become almost myopic and cease to see the bigger picture.
Pausing for a moment to look up from the reports, to look away from the computer screen we can give ourselves time....just a moment of time, to free our neck, relax our shoulders; to think loose and tall so we can 'relax' and function better. Now we can get on with what we're doing, while not harming ourselves in the process. But pause a second longer....and look out.
Looking up and into the distance is a simple but great experience; how many of us actually do this? Living and working in the city or home, we get used to focusing on things around us that are probably no further away than a few metres. If we go out to the shops or to a meeting we may extend our sight to a hundred metres, across the road, the traffic and passers-by. How often do we get a chance to look towards the horizon, the tops of the buildings, the edge of far away hills, out to sea where ships appear like specs on a curved watery globe, to distant mountains, to eagles soaring above high crags, the wild buffalo, lions and zebras in the wild, the spray fro the waterfall. When was the last time you looked at the stars? "Fine chance to do that!" I hear some say...
But just pause a moment and look out of your window at something that you've never noticed before. Look at the chimney pots, the balconies on the windows some distance down the street. I used to love travelling on the top of a double decker bus because one just gets a different view on life; we see things differently. Things are able to be seen differently all the time; it just depends on our perspective; how we feel and how we look out. We can either see things around us as we normally do or we can see them from a different view. Then we notice how old and shabby appears somethings that we use on a daily basis.
When we're tunnel visioned and focusing on what is in hand at the moment, we can easily not see ourselves in the bigger picture. The bigger picture is the world. No matter what we are doing right now, somewhere beyond our view and maybe over the horizon there are buzzards circling over rabbits, albatrosses soaring over ice-caps, cheetahs running at 60mph, people climbing mountains and others diving to the sea bed.
When we're worried about the bills, the pressure of work or the lack of employment; when we're wrapped up in our own thinking we are not aware that there is someone right now looking up our phone number to offer us a wonderful deal or invitation. Someone is wondering if you'd like to go out on a date and what it would be like to make love to you.
All the time there are things happening of which we are not aware. All the time there are people organising themselves or considering doing something that will have repercussions and bring something new into your life. If we cannot imagine what, it is because of our limited imagination. You just don't know what's around the corner.
Look up from what you're doing, look out of the window; look into the distance and let yourself realise that over that building opposite, over the hill and a bit beyond, there is 'stuff' happening that's just about to come your way. Good stuff. Heck, what would life be like without surprises....?
Keep smiling.
Truth of expression
June 12, 2008
Sometimes I struggle to find the words to express myself, and that's in the language I know. Maybe you have the same experience. Sometimes a word in another language seems more appropriate and more fitting; one word suffices where a phrase in our own tongue is the best we can muster. As words can be so misleading it's a pity we cannot always see the eyes of the speaker.
Communicating can be so easy sometimes, yet at others so difficult. Expressing ourselves as we seek to be heard and avoiding the pitfalls of being heard as others would wish to hear us can be a subtle difference that in some countries can result in either life or death. Joy of misunderstanding can be swept away if the truth be discovered in another's slightly ambiguous phraseology. Maybe we should not just rely on words. If our subconscious gets its way we actually use far more to interpret and decipher another's wishes or meaning from body-language, eye pupil dilation and mannerisms.
As a photographer I know that what I exclude from the photo is almost more important than what I include. There have been many an occasion when I have photographed an old oak or beech tree, apparently in some quiet hollow or dingily-dell of a woodland, but the viewer is not aware that I was dodging traffic behind me to stand on the edge of a road to capture this superbly lit early morning scene.
The language of fashion and clothing in general can be so misleading about the personality of the person in the 'uniform'; others however may display some clues to their nature through their reserve or outward flamboyance, tidiness or dishevelment. Sherlock Holmes would tell a whole life story by the splatter of mud on the instep of gentleman's shoes. We may express ourselves through our clothing but it is more likely to reflect how we may wish to be perceived rather than a truism of our nature.
In art, design, music and dance we give and receive communication of feeling, mood, style, emotion; we can communicate pictures in sound and communicate sound in pictures. We can decorate our homes to suit our personality or suit how we would wish our personality to be perceived, true or not so true, to reality. And through advertising and marketing in general we are overwhelmed to the point of deafness and blindness by the onslaught of images and persuasive messages, telling us what we need, what we just must have and what is almost obligatory if we are to ever stand up with our head 'held high'. "You just gotta have that!" Gosh, it's true.... "I just gotta have that!" But is it really true? .
I can see why owning a dog can be so rewarding. Apart from the obvious companionship it can give us, a dog is truth in itself. A dog never lies. It doesn't know how. If a dog is happy it wags its tail and if not, the tail hangs between its hind legs. The look in its eyes tells all. A dog as a pet offers unconditional love that surpasses the majority of relationships in humans, at least to my awareness. A dog needs nothing other than the love of its owner and will do almost anything to help us. In some cases it will even lie down and die with its fallen master. In a healthy situation, free of mistreatment we can look into a dogs eyes and it's more than likely we will see an expression of love.
When we look into a child's eyes we see an expression of love. How rewarding it is to discover on those rare occasions, the same feeling in an adult, unguarded, unveiled and honest. It's in the eyes. Look into another's eyes and you can discover a whole world.
"The eyes‥are the wyndowes of the mynde, for both ioye & anger‥are seene‥through them." 1545 T. Phaer
If ever there is a communication that is true to the nature of the communicator I believe it's to be found in their eyes. The eyes are the window to the soul and if we are aware, receptive and responsive enough; if we look beyond the make-up and expression the other wishes us to see, we can peek a world beyond the surface. We can get a peek at truly who is this person and how do they tick. Some may not wish that to be possible, but that view is more than likely to be based on fear. Take away the fear and we can open up.
I love it when in discussion I get a real sense of openness and exactly how does this person feel about situations. In some cases a person's true feelings can be so cloaked in contrived persona and attitude it is difficult to see the real person and their feelings. If only we could see that such contrivance and disguise is really not necessary in the majority if circumstances. But to hide our emotions and feelings can become a habit just as any other in posture, mannerism or speech.
When we relax in another's company it is most likely that we may drop our cautions and defences so our companion gets closer to the real 'us'. To my mind, it is therefore important that we always allow what 'is' to just 'be'; to not put pressure on others, to not have expectations or competitions with our friends. When an atmosphere exists where no such pressure exists, we get an opportunity to really relax. Then the guards come down and we get closer to the real person. It is always my wish to be relaxed within myself, difficult as it can be sometimes; otherwise how can we enjoy the ultimate level of open communication that is true to us and our friend? How else can we experience the truth in expression that we may otherwise only just glimpse of when we look into their eyes?
Honesty and truth; it's in the eyes. Always making ourselves and others relax allows it to also be not only in our words but also in our whole demeanour and attitude and permeate every part of our communication and interaction.
Last Will and Testament
May 16, 2008
Attending to outstanding matters has been a focus of mine in recent weeks. One of which is updating my Last Will and Testament so that the appropriate people receive what I would like them to receive. It is many, many years since I wrote my last Will and with changes to my life and those who are closest it is important for it to be updated. I wonder why it has taken me so long...
Having postponed the writing of my Will for years as something that "I'll get around to soon, but I'm too busy at the moment", the finished item now lies in front of me, looking very formal and final awaiting my signature along with those of two witnesses before being returned to my solicitor.
I read the carefully worded instructions on how to sign my will, absorbing the strict legal formalities that need to be followed in order for the Will to be valid. Ideally it needs to be done in front of a solicitor who can oversee the procedure. Apparently many Wills are deemed invalid owing to these careful procedures not being followed properly.
But this is Friday, and I go away tomorrow for 7 days in Dorset.... I'm not sure if I can get my partner and I in front of a solicitor for these rather formal, if short proceedings before I return to my practice!
Over the years I have learnt to believe that anything can happen any time. This can mean the most wonderful things can transpire to lift our hearts and fill us with joy, without any forewarning. You just never know what's coming your way! I check my pulse and stick my tongue out at the mirror. All looks reasonably well, but I'm not trained to diagnose; I'm not a doctor but a teacher of the Alexander Technique. Supposing I die before my Will is properly signed...
It is strange that after so many years of delaying and postponing the act of writing my Will, that as soon as it is actually under way, I feel the greatest urgency to have it signed, sealed and delivered into the hands of my solicitor who can act on my behalf, in the untimely circumstances of me passing on before I've finished my work here on earth. A quick mental check on what I'm here for brings to mind a list of things outstanding. What am I to do before I pop off?
Trying to think, of what is most important that I do not omit from my generally happy life becomes almost difficult. There are those things I feel should be done; there are things I feel I'd like to do; there are things I could do, but are not absolutely necessary to having been fulfilled in my life-time's achievements. I must give more Alexander Technique lessons; I want to work with a great many more people yet. More photography and maybe some published work. My violin playing is no where near good enough to hang up my bow, and I haven't done all these hundreds nay, thousands of hours practice to waste it in departing so soon. Lots more walks; I do not feel that I have appreciated the countryside adequately, nor have I seen my friends and family sufficiently often.
Do I need to buy things? Do I need a few more gadgets and accessories to life? I think not. What I need, what I want is more personal experience, to do more, to physically and mentally get involved in more, to enjoy the participation in activities, in art, music; to feel alive within myself, to have contributed to the world in just a small way and even benefited others. I need to give more, to remember that this is why I'm here; not to take, but to give.
Heck, I've got so much to achieve, to enjoy and participate in, so many experiences that I need to have that I must just get on and do them right now! There is only one moment. Today. No, this minute. There is no use in delaying. So without feeling stressed or rushed in any way, I now resign, no, resolve within myself to go and get on with life and do what I really want to do, right now.
There is nothing like writing your Will, to get your ass in gear, but I'll file it in my drawer for a week and I promise to make it back here from my vacation, in good health, in good spirits, in good form and with sufficient life in me to do lots more yet. The signing can wait.
I'll be writing some blogs from Dorset, so please do join me when you can. :-)
Chin up
May 14, 2008
With the introduction of the BBC's new Headroom, a campaign to help us cope with life's ups and downs. I am drawn to ponder on the state of our minds and health, given the supposed higher standard of living that most of us 'enjoy'.
The BBC campaign centres around the Headroom site that offers advice and suggestions on how to improve our sense of well-being, what activities other people do to give them a lift in spirits; how to avoid the 'blues'; to find something to smile about; to join in live chat and 'get it off your chest with celebrity Ruby Wax in Ruby's Room; to check into Mind Spa and register for our free online life coach: to chill in the Headroom Tent at Radio 1's Big Weekend; to share our stories and get help and advice. I'm all for this great campaign that probably addresses at least in part, a real problem for a great many people who suffer some degree of 'low spirits' ranging from the mild blues to serious depression.
But it would seem that Afluenza is rampant amongst our friends, colleagues and families around the world. Despite the higher standard of living that most of us experience; our higher earnings, our more comfortable lifestyle, our greater spending ability despite the current credit crunch, our relative luxuries, gadgets and labour-saving appliances, despite all that comes with our modern 21st century living, we are just as susceptible to depression as we ever have been in history, if not more so.
Admittedly there is a lot of 'bad news' around; terrible disasters in Burma and China, world economy going into nose-dive, housing markets crashing, a credit crunch that is tightening around us as we speak and many companies profits slumping so much they make our collapsed and slumped posture look positively healthy. There is so much bad news around that we are excused for thinking we have just reason to be a bit down ourselves.
But given all of this, for those of us who are fortunate enough to not be in the Chinese earthquake zone or in Burma or other terribly afflicted area, we still are liable to experience sadness, blues and depression. It goes to confirm that our mental health is not related directly to our supposed standard of living, although some degree of comfort must surely be a help.
Our state of mind is linked so much to what we do with ourselves, in terms of the food and nutrition we eat, the amount of alcohol, caffeine and drugs we take, the dehydration from inadequate amounts of water, our posture and degree of healthy upright poise and last but not least, our mental outlook on life. It could be said that our mental outlook is dependent on how we feel. But which comes first, the outlook or the emotion?
We may not be able to change our emotion so quickly but we can change our outlook. I would also argue that it is possible to just change our emotion too, if we make that choice. We can just decide to be feel happy, to smile. Even if we force a laugh, we create enough endorphins to lift our mood. And when our mood lifts, we start to laugh...
We can change our Outlook if we choose, but it requires us to make that change! One great way of lifting one's mood that comes immediately to mind is to have an attitude of Gratitude. I've written about this before read my posts Gratitude, but without repeating myself too much, it's a great 5 minute exercise to think of everything we have in our life that we are truly grateful for. This little list should include all those small things we take for granted, such as our eyes to see the beautiful person on the other side of the room, my hands to text a message and feed my mouth, the hair that still clings to my middle-aged scalp, the family love and support I enjoy, the shirt on my back and the modest flat I live in, my aged motorcycle that has survived being written off and still rattles me along the side of Hyde Park on my way to work, my wonderful partner, the music in my Ipod and CD rack, the meal I had last night, the sunshine that comes through my office window, the slight breeze that dispels the humidity, the bird that sang outside as I dressed this morning, and, and, and, and. Think of a hundred little things that you are grateful for, then see how you feel.
Another great way to lift how we feel in ourselves, is to Give. Give of your time, give of your expertise to your friends, family and people in need, donate money to disaster funds to help the suffering people in other parts of the world, give a smile, give congratulations, give a compliment. The more we give, the better other people feel and also the better we feel too.
Thank you blog readers for being there to encourage me to write. Thinking of so many things to be grateful for makes me happier already. Not that I was 'down', but one can always go UP more, don't you think?
Chin up.
:-)
Best made plans
May 12, 2008
As one of my clients got married last Saturday, escorted by 6 bride's maids and driven by white coach and horses, I thought of her enjoying the fruits of celebration planned to the endth detail over the last six months. Saturday 10th May was her day. The champagne flowed even at the church accompanied by string quartet as photographers and film makers ensured they captured every poignant moment, every refined dress, every charming and elegant smile, and then there was the dinner for 160 friends and family, the speeches and then the dancing into the early hours for the young and fit and the not-so-young and not-so-fit. The all Boy Band would keep them up till they dropped.
What a fantastic occasion to enjoy and how lovely to remember later. But with all those carefully laid plans, where the day's schedule extended to 8 pages of timed notes, there is no accounting for what might go wrong......or differently from expected. Although I was many miles away occupied in my own things I was aware of certain activities my client would be involved in, preparation for departure, the carriage and time of ceremony. I thought of them on bended knees.....! But of course things may not have 'gone according to THE plan'. That is not to say that everything did not go well as I'm sure it did, maybe just ever-so-slightly differently. But then it may have gone exactly to plan! :-)
All the best made plans hwever, can go awry.... Considering any situation be it in business, at home, in career or in love, our ideas and best intentions can seem to be thwarted and a hiccup may occur that may change things. But as the saying goes...."The best made plans are made to be broken".
For me, a plan is a starting out point, to begin the 'journey' or project; they are not a straight jacket or 'rod for our back' that we must adhere to. And as circumstances or events change away from our original thoughts, then we adjust our thinking and accommodate those changes. With every shift away from plan A, or even with a disappointment there is always a new opportunity. With everything that may go wrong or differently from expected there is a benefit to be gained. Having the eyes and open mind to see it is our challenge.
When things go wrong for me, I may be disappointed for a few minutes but I'll quickly change my thinking to see how I can benefit from things as they are now. I remember Sir Richard Branson saying in an interview after a failed round-the-world balloon flight. "Naturally I was disappointed, but only for 30 seconds. Any more than that is a waste of time!"
When things do not go according to plan, things may even turn out better than expected. A plan is a starting out point, not the destination. We will eventually get where we're going, which may be different from our original idea. There is no knowing what is around the corner. If it's good, then we will be pleased. If it is not good, then although we may be upset, for 30 seconds or more, but it's helpful to remember that there is an opportunity for something new, bigger, better, more appropriate, cheaper, better timed... it is just for us to take advantage of every opportunity that comes our way.
I'm thinking of my client's wedding on Saturday, sure that everything went well for them. But even if things did not go according to her best made 8 page schedule, I hope she had a really great day anyway.
It's good to make plans and it's great to deviate them too! If the change is unexpected, then so will be the benefit!
I'm thinking of my client now. She'll be lying on a sandy Caribbean beach......lovely.
Sun and theft
April 28, 2008Saturday was a great day out walking in the Chilterns, filling our lungs with the new spring air, the warmth of an April sun seemed stronger than it normally does and a gentle cooling breeze cleared any humidity. I was able to completely forget about having just been defrauded of over £5,000 by some unscrupulous person who stole my credit card details.
The day before I had received a phone call from a representative in Barclaycard's Fraud Department asking me about certain transactions that were clearly not ones that I had made. He went through the list and I answered "NO" to each one in turn as the list of fraudulent purchases mounted up and up including several flights and large store purchases in France. Fortunately the insurance will (or should!) cover the whole amount but this does not diminish the feeling of having been 'taken'. How dare they?!
I am intrigued by the experience and sensation of having 'suffered' quite a large theft and 'assault' on my personal finances, while at the same time feeling quite normal, relaxed, free and happy. Stuff (I believe it's called Shit in today's language) can happen yet unless it is a bash on the head, a fall or other physical 'happening' we are just the same as before. It goes to remind me that most of what we experience is how we think of it. It is all in our head.
If I check the numbers of my Lottery ticket and discover that all 6 are the same as the winning numbers for Saturday's draw, my little heart will skip a beat and I will be 'jumping for joy'. However if I check again and discover that my ticket was for last week or I misread the numbers, my heart will sink and I shall bemoan the loss of 'what might have been'. Our emotions can go up and down depending on what we think about, yet in the case of my Lottery numbers, nothing changed, just my thinking.
Getting worried and all worked up about 'stuff' does not help anyone, least of all ourselves. It virtually doesn't matter what it is that happens unless it is a physical or mental 'injury', we are just as healthy and well as before; the sun is still shining, the spring breeze is keeping the air fresh, we breakfasted well and the hills are beautiful. I think to myself, even if the insurance did not pay out (although I expect it will), I am still in fine fettle; it is just 'stuff'. There are great things out there that I can enjoy right now. Whether I think that something is 'bad' or not, is just in my head. In the total scheme of things, it really doesn't matter that much. I'll move on. life moves on. Yes, it's a really fine day today.... :-)
But "How dare they steal my money!" Ah well, "Yes, it's a fine day today..."
On the bright side...
January 30, 2008Dr Samuel Johnson 1709-1784 English critic and essayist said, " It's worth a thousand pounds a year to have the habit of looking on the bright side of things." That was in the 18th century so what's it worth now in 2008, maybe £100,000? That's a lot.
Yes, it's definitely worth looking on the bright side of things. Who ever won a race by believing they couldn't win, or sail round the world by thinking pessimistically, or by not asking for a date by thinking they weren't attractive enough, or not asking for a raise because they were unsure of their worth or performance? Look on the bright side and you just never know what's going to come your way! You may just get that £100,000.
As for today, I am going to have a good violin lesson tonight.....definitely!
What are you wondering about doing?
:-)
Gloomy days?
January 14, 2008Someone mentioned to me that they hate January as it is a dark and dreary month that seems to go on forever and they can't wait for spring to come. OK, I understand, but let's not wish our life away....
We are already half way through January (how time flies!) and a quick calculation tells me that the days are already 46 minutes longer than they were on the shortest day last month. It's getting brighter earlier and staying daylight just a little longer in the afternoon(!).
If we're feeling a little despondent, what is it that we're thinking about to make us so? There is a relatively simple answer to that,......change your thinking. If we think about bills, delays, problems, difficulties, debt, that's what will affect our emotions and thinking and worrying about them won't make them better. If we change our thinking to think of how we would like things to be, to think of the good things that we are fortunate to enjoy in life but may take for granted, then we'll start to feel better.
We can also change our posture, bring ourselves up more upright (use the Alexander Technique to help you if you are familiar with it) as that helps to lift our spirits. If we can get some exercise that increases our breathing and circulation rate, this will help blow the cobwebs off too so we are livelier, more positive, confident and open to new ideas. If we drink lots of water (3 litres a day) it helps to detox us, calm us down and wake us up. If we smile and have a laugh as I wrote about last week, we create endorphins that neutralises adrenalin so we are calmer.......and happier!
There are lots of small ways of making the days a lot better. Yes, the days are getting slightly longer and brighter...:-)
Born in the wrong era?
November 30, 2007
Were you born in the right era? Absolutely, as the Universal way of things brings our fore-bearers and ancestors in the succession that transpired; how could it be any other way? But do you ever feel that maybe you would be happy in a different time? Sometimes I feel that I am living outside of the era with which I have the most affinity. Yes, I was a 1950's lad and now I'm 'coping' with the technological gadgetry that is apparently essential for modern living and for my own part, am entirely happy with life as it is. I enjoy life 'right now' and all the comforts and 'modern' luxuries that we take for granted and of which our ancestors would never have dreamed. But a big part of me connects very fully with a period in time that's many decades earlier; I have the strangest affinity with the late 19th and early 20th century.
For instance my music tastes are strictly classical, and while I love Bach and Mozart, the music of Faure, Borodin, Ravel, Debusy, Rachmaninov, Dvorjak and Elgar, all composers from the last century, do something special to my soul. My favourite period in painting is the late 19th century Impressionist and early 20th century. While email is convenient and 'essential', I prefer to write letters with a fountain pen and wet ink that needs time to dry; I do my correspondence in this way at least once a week. I'm an enthusiastic photographer in my spare time and a Fellow of the RPS; my preferences are still with traditional skills using film and darkroom processes to produce fine prints in black and white, all with minimal manipulation and void of SFX. I play the violin and having struggled with a shoulder rest for support I threw it away and studied the techniques of old masters of last century before the shoulder rest was invented as "a means of making playing easier" (but can cause problems). Dissatisfied with my vibrato I studied and am now using (to the best of my ability) the 'fingertip impulse vibrato' used by early 20th century violin virtuosos such as Fritz Kreisler, Jascha Heifetz, Yehudi Menuhin, Misha Elman and which is now almost a lost art. Although I get superb tuition from my violin teacher, if I refer to a book, it's not a new publication with the latest ideas but a 1921 classic by Leopold Auer, teacher of Heifetz, written as an old man and in which he refers to his time studying with Joachim in 1862. I love antique furniture, natural materials of leather, wood, paper and other organic materials and although I appreciate the benefits of modern carbon-fibre and plastics I'd rather be free of them.
So am I living in the present? Well, I'd answer "Absolutely". While I connect with all these elements from previous eras, I use them in the here and now. This is what I do on a day-to-day basis. It's not a fanciful idea of keeping 'tradition alive' but how I enjoy my time and I gain a deal of satisfaction from it. Naturally there are aspects of life in a previous times that would not be too pleasant; poor sanitation, excessive working hours and poor conditions, but if this was all we knew (having never glimpsed 21st century living) then we would not think twice about it. (How crude will today's living standards be considered in another 100 years time.) But take away these 'negatives', there are many great things to be appreciated in previous eras. No Blackberry's or IPhones for starters!
I believe I was born in the right era; how else could it be? However, with my traditional leanings it is likely that no matter which century I was born, I would connect with a period that has gone before. And does it all matter? Not one bit. As long as we're happy and enjoying ourselves, that's all that counts (while ensuring that in the process we do no harm to others!)
I shall go and write a letter now.....with a pen. :-)
Identity Theft
November 26, 2007
I've always considered myself and everyone I meet in life as individual with our own unique personality, idiosyncrasies, postural habits, abilities, talents and identity. Now I read and hear so much about Identity Theft that I am beginning to question my own understanding of what is unique and what is not.
If I ever tried to 'sell' my identity (not that I would consider doing such a foolish thing) no one would pay for it. Nor could I really 'lose' it... "Excuse me, you haven't seen my 'identity' anywhere have you? I seem to have misplaced it." But apparently there are a great many people out there who would steal it if they possibly could. Hmmm.... confusing.
I consider 'Who I am' as being personality, character, sense of humour, attitudes, how I prioritise, my loves, likes, tastes in art, clothing, music, friends, preferences in activities, how I spend my time, hobbies, my intellect (notice how this comes low down the list!?) intelligence and then there's facial features, body age, build, shape, height, skin colour, hair colour (I still have some despite being in mid-life), etc, etc. But these are all apparently worthless (I agree there's not much I can offer of value there); what apparently is of value is the name or coding and numbers that are associated with my persona that help me to be identifiable, not in person but on paper. What some naughty people may wish to do is not steal my body and 'real' self, (and I understand absolutely why in my case) but bits of paper such as driving licence, passport, bank details that represent me. However ransom may be considered fruitful if the victim's family has wealth, but again we're referring to numbers!
I hope never to make that trip to the Police station, "I've had my identity stolen. I can't find it anywhere!" "I don't know who I am anymore!" "Well actually I do know who I am, but other naughty people also know who I am. Which is why I'm told I should be worried. They've got some of my numbers!"
I have become so alarmed about all this in the last week I have signed up and paid my annual fee for Insurance against Identity Theft with CPP, not to protect the 'real me', personality, my physical being and character traits(!), but some bits of paper and numbers that represent my 'being'. And I'm glad to have done so. The Welcome Pack from CPP and their helpful advice on how to avoid Identity Theft is really worth a read and although I was familiar with most of the advice, there was a surprising amount of it that had not occurred to me. I can now help make sure that it is harder for my Identity to be stolen and if it is, the £50,000 insurance cover will ensure that I am not out of pocket in expenses on recovering my identity and I just have the inconvenience of it all to deal with....
Better safe than sorry.... :-)
Perlman in concert
November 14, 2007
Itzhak Perlman performing last night in London
What do you do if you get polio at the age of four and are handicapped for the rest of your life so you can only walk with the aid of crutches and callipers on your legs? You become the world's greatest solo violinist, that's what you do. This is Itzhak Perlman, now 62 and still enthralling audiences with his virtuosity as he did last night at London's Barbican Centre. He played beautifully with flawless technique, panache and flair. During his life so far, he has picked up four Emmy Awards, 15 Grammy Awards and numerous honorary degrees from institutions including Harvard, Yale, Brandeis, Roosevelt, Yeshiva and Hebrew Universities.
Not only does Perlman dash off the most complex and virtuosic pieces with dazzling care-free abandon he also charms his audience with little introductions between his plentiful encores. Picking up some sheet music he reads the cover out loud. "It says here that it this piece is for 'Very Advanced'......so we won't play that!" Then proceeds to play a piece that is probably even more complex and dazzling, as well as emotionally moving.
It's interesting and humbling to see people such as Perlman who are handicapped in one way or another, turning their hand to an activity or artistic endeavour and they excel to the highest level. It's as though the determination to succeed in an endeavour despite personal limitations sees them through; they have a vision, the perseverance and sheer determination to perform and they throw themselves into it completely. There is a lesson here for me and maybe for others too. If we were all to throw ourselves into our chosen field with such determination and unwavering belief that we can achieve our goals; and if we work, work, work at it, we would probably achieve some success. The celebrated violin teacher Aaron Rosand has said he believes that natural talent accounts for about 15%; the rest is hard work.
Watching Itzhak Perlman last night we experienced the results of many thousands of hours of hard work combined with his natural talent. There are no shortcuts to this height of performance. Jasha Heifetz apparently had someone say to him "Aren't you lucky to be able to play the violin like you do?" which angered him enormously; despite having a natural gift, there is no way one gets to the top without thousands of hours of practice, much of which can be gruelling and disheartening.
I get such a thrill from seeing such virtuosity in performance. I love to see people being successful. And in violin playing such as we heard last night, I also love what it does for my soul. They are so inspiring. Perlman is inspiring. I shall reach for my violin and play a few more scales this evening, not ever to perform in public, but just to have fun; that's my objective and I'll definitely be successful in this endeavour.
:-)
Inspiration
October 31, 2007Don't you just love it when you see someone doing well? Or do you react the other way and immediately think, "I can't do that." or "I wish that was me." or "I'm no good." Which is it for you?
For me, I don't compare myself to others in that way; I just get a thrill from seeing (or hearing) someone perform so exceptionally well that they are in a class of their own. They are an inspiration, a role-model and even an icon, although I don't put them on a pedestal. I just admire them. I can say the same whether it's someone like Itzhak Perlman the 61 year old violinist who had polio as a child so he comes onto the platform with crutches (I see him perform at the Barbican in 2 weeks time! :-) ) or young Lewis Hamilton, the hugely successful 22 year old Formula One racing driver who was just pipped to the Driver's Championship by Raikkonen this season.
Lewis Hamilton
Hamilton appears to come out of nowhere; it's his first Formula One season and he almost got the Driver's Championship title. Although, without many of us knowing, he's been working himself up from Karting since he was a child and then through F2 until this season. He has had a huge effect on the popularity of F1 sport; at last we have a British driver capable of winning the championship, probably several times in his young career.
Now I hear in the news today that Hamilton may well have a negative effect on the sport as audiences turn away because of the predictability of his win; it's the Schumacher effect over again.
So here we have an interesting situation where we 'will' someone to win, and we 'like' to see such phenomenal skill, but when they become so good that they leave the competition standing; we do not have a competition, but a mere parade around the F1 circuit from the beginning of the race to the end.
People are saying about Hamilton...."How can we slow him down?" What is this at all! Yes we like a competition, but surely we should be asking "How can we speed the others up a bit?" One minute we're wanting them to drive faster, then the next we want them to go slower. We don't know one bit of our anatomy from another, if you ask me.
"Lewis, you do it for me! Good luck next season." As for slowing him down,...... Well, I say pooh, pooh to that! Let's get positive. Thanks for the inspiration!
I just love seeing people being successful! :-)
Beyond the surface
October 26, 2007Some days we wake up and just get on with the day.
Other days we wake up and think how lucky we are to be living where we are, enjoying the company of good friends, doing the work we do, enthusing on our weekend activities, quietly enjoying the peacefulness, observing one of the best years for autumns colours and generally enjoying being alive.
I do all of that. Today I am also aware of how lucky I am to be able to meet so many people through my work in Alexander Technique, so many interesting, dynamic, creative, inspiring, loving people; all of whom have come to improve their poise and help make the most of themselves. I feel so lucky to have the chance to work with so many wonderful people in such a relaxed and informal way, yet help them achieve a quality within themselves that will make life even better.
You may be sitting there thinking that's all very well, but I'm not like that; "I'm not inspiring". Well, It's quite likely that you and I have not met (although I do know a few of my readers), but I can say this; you are most certainly an interesting, dynamic, creative, inspiring and loving person. This is a truism as much as day follows night, because it applies to everyone ~ no exceptions. If anyone thinks that such qualities or descriptions do not apply to them, then they are not looking beyond the surface and not going deep enough. If we get to the chore of us; the life force within us; deep, deep down beyond the learnt attitudes, opinions and superficial mannerisms; if we were able to look into our soul, then we'd find the most beautiful person full of love and zest for life. Some of us are displaying all this on the surface too. :-)
When I meet someone new and first impressions do not hold true of what I have suggested, I always try and see or sense deeper down beyond the obvious. I do not mean that I probe, enquire or intrude in any unwelcome way; it is not for me to question or force anyone to divulge things of a private nature. No. I mean that it is for me to listen, to sense, for me to relax, to open up and observe. Knowing the other person is far more about me allowing my sensitivity, intuition and observation to inform me. Much of the learning and feeling can come unsaid. Words can be so limiting, (as a writer I am confronted by my limitations all the time!).
I feel so lucky to be doing the job I do, where I get to meet so many people. :-)
All good things...
October 10, 2007
Durdle Door, Dorset.
When all good things come to an end, there is likely to be a little sadness and reflection at all the good experiences that have occurred during the 'wonderful time'. That's the position I am probably in now as we prepare to return to London after our week's break in deepest, sunny Dorset where the only sounds are birdcall, wind in the trees and an occasional passing car; where the walks offer splendid views, the local history is so rich that there's always something new to discover, and, and.......and the weather has been like summer, despite the calander saying mid October.
But when all good things come to an end it's not an end at all, but the change from one experience to another, which if all intentions are good, will be as great as the 'all good things' that went before.
I read about someone asking if everyone was happy where they lived. Many replies were yes and some no. My answer was I'm happy wherever I live; it's far more about how I occupy myself, my work, hobbies and interests and I can do that wherever I live. Although living in a nice place can make it better! For me, happiness is an attitude, not something that we can have or not have. It's a choice, and I choose happiness over any other feeling as often as I can. Naturally I do experience sadness or disappointment but I try not to dwell on that as it serves no purpose. If someone close to me dies then there is a period of mourning at the loss, but that is usually soon overtaken by a feeling of happiness with the memory of them, their company and my association with them. Life moves on.... The way to 'not think of something' i.e. sadness, is to actively think of something that we do like. We can only think of one thing at a time, not two; I wrote about this in 'Look forward with excitement'.
So I feel no sadness this morning as 'all good things' come to an end and we return to London. I love my work and everything (most!) else I do in London too. Next time you hear from me I'll be at my desk while waiting for a client to arrive.
It's been a good week and I hope you may have enjoyed sharing a little of it with me through my posts. Thanks for dropping by so regularly.
:-)
What's over the horizon?
October 4, 2007
St Catherine's Chapel, Abbotsbury, Dorset
The view from my window is not the same this morning as I post this entry. Not because the view is changed in any way but because I am not in my London practice; I'm enjoying a few days in deepest Dorset with the glow of a rising sun coming through the cottage window, promising to give us fine weather and a glorious autumn day. I have come to Dorset for a few days autumn break; so laptop in front of me I muse on yesterday's 3 hour drive, the first view of the sea and our late afternoon walk from Abbotsbury to the remote and monumental St Catherine's Chapel on the hill overlooking Chesil Beach and the English Channel towards Brittany in western France. Funny how being on top of a hill makes you think of what's over the horizon.
The horizon is a strange yet wonderful thing. If I were an ant sitting on a tennis ball, my horizon would be similar in shape but more curved than the one that I scanned yesterday; I'm just standing on a bigger ball. And over this horizon if I could peak a little further, stand on tiptoes and extend to my fullest height I may see you.
But wherever we are, there is always a horizon; in the city it's just as far as the next building and we cannot see further. Standing beside St Catherine's Chapel I can see the wide sweep of water from the Bill of Portland and its lighthouse 15 miles away to the east and to the west, the next promintory. Despite the relatively great distance I can see no further, but I know there is much beyond. I know the existence of far flung places.
As I stood beside the chapel named after St Catherine, Patron Saint of Spinsters (I never knew that till yesterday!) and looked towards the horizon, I am reminded that in my own life I can see no further than the next 'landmark' in my life; the end of the month, the proposed plan that I have in mind; I can see the next step in my progress towards fulfillment of my plan but I cannot see any further. Yet, in order for me to have full confidence in proceeding with a plan I sometimes need to 'know' what will happen and will it turn out alright. I can only see the next step and no further.
As described in DVD called The Secret, if you're travelling in a car at night from New York to Chicago or wherever for that matter, you can only see as far as the 50 metres that your car headlights will light. But as you drive the headlights pick up more of the road and by proceeding as far as you can see, each stage of the journey presents itself. If there is an unexpected detour for roadworks you follow the directions and you get back on track further on. You just follow the road, step by step and let it unfold before you. Eventually you arrive at your destination.
As I stood beside St Catherine's Chapel yesterday looking out across the sea to the far horizon, I reminded myself to always take the next step in life, if it looks promising. Even if I cannot see exactly how things will eventually work out. But by taking a step, by making a phone call, attending an interview, accepting an invitation, writing a proposal, joining a group, moving to a new town, going on a 3 month sabbatical, quitting jobs and changing career, learning to fly aircraft, helping someone in difficulty, giving my services free to an individual in need and always remembering to laugh when the going gets tough and keep my mind roughly on what I want in life, then it's amazing what will come our way. Nature and the Universe will provide our next step.
We don't need to see the eventual outcome of our endeavours. We just need to have a vision (Chicago here I come), see the next step and have the courage to take it; and when we do, the following step will be there for us; it is always there for us.
I'm going to climb another hill today....I like views.
:-)
Enjoyment is an attitude...
September 17, 2007
Queens Square, Bath, 1784 by Thomas Malton
We passed through Bath at the weekend on our way back from a family birthday celebration in Somerset and enjoyed a few hours taking in the Georgian atmosphere including Royal Crescent and Queens Gardens which was home to Jane Austen for a short while in 1789. Indeed Bath features in several of her novels and most the addresses of her characters can still be traced.
Austen stayed in as many as six addresses in Bath during the late 18th and early 19th century and one of them was 13 Queens Gardens. We stood outside for a minute, finding it hard to believe that either the square or her address has changed much since that time. While the house is unaltered, there are now tall trees in the square, but the towering central needle that we see today has actually been there since 1773. What a view from her bedroom window that looked over the square.
Queens Square, Bath, today.
Jane Austen was an enthusiastic letter writer and her inspiration was clearly not limited to fiction. There is one quote from a letter to her sister Cassandra I think, that I'd like to copy here for you....
"I had a very pleasant evening, however, though you will probably find out that there was no particular reason for it; but I do not think it worth while to wait for enjoyment until there is some real opportunity for it."
Now there's a lady who knew how to be happy; she did not think it worth while to wait for some real opportunity for enjoyment, but rather made it for herself. It was her choice....to enjoy. Clearly she saw enjoyment as a condition or an attitude that we can bring on for ourselves, rather than something that is dependent on circumstances.
Yes, let's just .....enjoy. :-)
A Good Day
September 10, 2007
Today is a great day for clearing that clutter off my desk. It's been sitting there on the left-hand side, taking space, reminding me of what I need to do, nagging away at me in its own silent manner. Having cleared it a few months ago, it's surprising how quickly 'stuff' builds up again. But have you noticed how good you feel when you've got a job done that's been sitting there for weeks? We can tick it off the list; job done. It's a good day for doing a few 'incompletions'.
Today is also a good day to be optimistic, to think positively and 'know' that actually everything is just sorting itself out nicely. Events may take surprising turns, but the eventual outcome, which will only be a stepping stone to the next stage in our lives, will happen with ease and have a positive benefit in the end. It's all working out fine, even if we can't see the next step. Ah yes, we can certainly be optimistic.
And today is a good day for giving a nice smile to someone. Yep. And another nice smile to someone else too. It's one of those things that the more we give away, the more we get back, as the saying goes.
Today is a good day for all these three things. I know this without any hesitation or doubt, because it is always a good day for these things. ALWAYS.
Today is a good day. And you just never know what is coming your way..... :-)
Exchanging a day of my life....
July 23, 2007
Durham Cathedral
So how was your weekend? Southern England is flooded with more rain than anyone can remember for July. For me though, I only heard of the flooding through the news bulletins, as although I would normally be in London and would have experienced day turning to night at 10.00am on Friday, I was hurtling north on an intercity train to Durham to attend a two day conference on photography.
I had swithered a long time before booking my place on the 'Light from Darkness' conference on Church photography, despite my 5 year interest in the subject and having devoted about 90% of my photographic output in this time to churches. As it turned out, I am very glad I did attend. We had specialist photographers from as far afield as Alabama USA, Ireland, Scotland and from all over England and presentations of photography of the highest level, but also displays of archival photographs by the likes of Fredrick Evans and others dating back 150 years.
But the weekend also provided plenty of time to visit Durham Cathedral. Indeed the conference was held within the Priors Hall of the 1,000 year old cathedral itself. It was a time to meet new acquaintances, make new friends, have time for quiet contemplation within the finest Norman Cathedral in all of England as well as be privileged with the chance to photograph within its walls where the activity is normally prohibited. I also enjoyed a number of riverside walks through the woods below the cathedral on its high rocky crag and was pleased to get a few atmospheric woodland pictures.
I also bought a few books from the Cathedral Book Shop and with them, a bookmark to keep the page. And on this bookmark is an inscription which I would like to reproduce here for you.
'This is The Beginning of a New Day'.
This is the beginning of a New Day.
God has given me this day to use as I will.
I can waste it or grow in its light
and be of service to others,
But what I do with this day is important
because I have exchanged a day of
my life for it.
When tomorrow comes, today will be gone forever.
I hope I will not regret the price
I paid for it.
I can honestly say without a second of hesitation, that my eventual choice to attend the Conference at Durham Cathedral on Church Photography was the best use of my time that I could possibly have made. I do not regret 'exchanging a day of my life' (or a whole weekend) for the experience. :-)
The man in the mirror
June 29, 2007
Looking in the mirror this morning, I saw an older man. My appearance is much the same as yesterday, but somehow I recognised that I'm a little older. I would also like to say, a little wiser and happier too.
I looked in the mirror and thought, whoever you are....whoever I am, I must be true to myself. Some words from William Shakespeare came to mind....,
"This above all - to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as night follows day,
Thou can'st not then be false to any man."
We may have ideas about what we want to do, head held ideals, concepts of how we should behave, what our responsibilities are, who we need to support, impress or challenge. I think the greatest challenge is recognising 'who' we actually are, ourselves. The greatest challenge is understanding, not what's in our head, but what's in our heart. And then the next greatest challenge is honouring it.
Watching a baby or young child express, ask, demand laugh or cry shows us spontaneous and uninhibited emotion, all from the heart. They express their heart's desires. I look at myself in the mirror and think how wonderful if I could express a little more of my heart's desires. "To thine own self be true."
I ask myself, what do I want today? I want to be happy and fulfilled. So today I shall go out there and be happy, and I shall fulfil myself with pleasures. These need not be special pleasures; they may simply involve me taking pleasure in what I'm doing. I shall satisfy me. But it is my intention to go out and help other people feel good too, through my teaching of the Alexander Technique. But this is only part of it. Looking in the mirror, I see someone who really wants to play the violin a bit better, to make a beautiful sound. This is something I shall do, a struggle as it has been, frustrating at times. Working on solid principles and riding over the bad days to soar on the good ones....I shall improve and this will satisfy a large part of my heart's desires. To quit, tempting as it's been at times, will not satisfy what is in my heart. I know that perseverance and patience will bring its rewards.
Looking in the mirror again, I see someone who wants to change a little, to express, to venture forth into a few new areas that will bring enjoyment and happiness. This involves taking risks with myself, but all at the same time, I want to ensure I'm being true to myself, satisfying my inner needs and wishes. To really know what these are requires a degree of contemplation, of listening to my heart in the early morning on awaking from my sleep. It involves me hearing my 'baby cries' from deep down, the ones I ignore or suppress.
Another quote comes to mind from a book on the shelf,
"One has just to be oneself. That's my basic message. The moment you accept yourself as you are, all burdens, all mountainous burdens, simply disappear. Then life is a sheer joy, a festival of light." Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh, Indian Spiritual Master.
Sitting and quietly thinking for a half hour seems to be appropriate, putting all out of my mind and allowing mind wandering and quiet contemplation. To sit down in an armchair and empty my mind of all concerns and activities just to contemplate 'my life' is a luxury I rarely afford. But it's so helpful. Today, I shall do this.
There was a man in my shaving mirror this morning who looked at me in the eye. I realised this man in the mirror is entirely dependent on 'me' for everything in his life. This man needs to be honoured and allowed full expression of his needs and desires. It's up to me to satisfy them.
I'm going to make him smile.
Work. So what's it all about?
June 26, 2007It's great to do well in our job. It's great to continue doing well and to receive acknowledgement for our efforts. We work hard, give of ourselves to the job and hopefully we shall receive recognition by means of increase in remuneration. Now we can buy that new car, move to a larger house or flat, we can afford to have a child and provide them with a good upbringing, go on that fancy holiday, wear nice clothes.......more money brings many rewards.
Doing well at work also brings a sense of satisfaction, possibly a thrill of achieving success or completing projects or tasks up to or beyond expectations. We complete the tasks, high on imagination, low on cost and on time. We can roller-coast along, surf the 'feelgood' sensation, to achieve even more. In short, impossible tasks are no sweat and miracles, well we keep coming up with them, they just take a little longer. So we get promoted.
With promotion comes more responsibility, more money (whoopee), more challenges, bigger hurdles, higher expectations, so we work harder, acclimatizing to the dizzy heights of our new found stature and wealth and we still enjoy it, surfing on our own self-made wave of success. So we get promotion again, and this feels great. We enjoy more autonomy, more wealth, greater responsibilities but now it's a knife-edge between being exhilarating and fun to achieve the impossible every day and not enjoying the stress; we may even get worried that we will not achieve. As we cope with wider ranging responsibilities we may eventually fail in one endeavour because we took our eye of that ball while juggling six other big projects which all came in on time and as planned. But the one that other people saw as important, we may have let slip. Ooops. We drop a clanger. Now it's stress time. Next week or next month we're wary of not letting any little tasks slip. We prioritize our time, our team, we ration and budget the financial resource, we are not surfing now, but swimming in an ocean of challenges with limited resources to complete them. Rather than looking so far ahead and planning strategy, we fire-fight with tactics that weaken our defences and resources elsewhere. Now dropping balls, dropping clangers, our achievements are less frequent. We're now approaching middle-age, we're slowing down slightly but the challenges keep on mounting and there's a crowd of hungry young managers coming up underneath, snapping at our heels and between themselves, looking for the chance to take the boss's job. Now the job isn't such fun. This is not a happy scenario, but typical of many working situations. I know; it happened to me.
It seems a truth, that no matter how successful we become, most people get promoted beyond their level of competence. What was fun, eventually becomes no fun at all. It's stress and this has dramatic effects on our ability to do the job, our health, our family and social life. We may eventually get pushed to one side by up and coming management; we were once the shining example of excellence in achievement, but now debris at the side of the road.
One thing that teaching the Alexander Technique has shown me is that we are all very different from one another. We have different attributes, different skills, different sensitivities, different loves, hates, humour, patience, physique, weaknesses, intolerances, desires and abilities, socially, in recreation and at work. No-one is better than anyone else, we're just all different. And as an AT teacher, we work with the individual for their particular needs, strengths and challenges. We always help make the most of our situation. But the point is that we're all different, no better or worse.
For some of us, we can get stressed doing what other people find a breeze. Some people can run companies, talk to shareholders but they're not so good in other fields. Others may be great at story-telling, art, writing, but not so good in large groups. We may be fantastic creative thinkers, but not much good at counting sums of money and balancing books. Thankfully the world is made up of infinite varieties of wonderful people who are all able to do different things. The chief executive whose office is on the 21st floor can't do much without the lift engineer who has no difficulty in making sure the elevators work efficiently, or the postman who delivers the cheques.
What's it all about? Well, there are important issues in all this. Firstly, we surely want to be happy during our time here on earth. 'This is Your Life'. In our old age, let's be able to look back and say "I had a great time!" Secondly we want to be healthy....or maybe it's the other way around. There's not much else. You may say wealth brings happiness, but we can see a lot of very unhappy millionaires, getting divorced and even committing suicide. What we really want to ensure is that we can maintain happy, health qualities throughout our life.
We can help maintain these happy and healthy qualities for ourselves if we balance our abilities while also being realistic about what we can manage....healthily. There is no failure in choosing simpler tasks. Correction.....There is no failure. We want ensure we do not get promoted beyond our level of competence. This is key, because if we do, it sucks. It's a balance of working to have a great time, while having a great time working. It's a balance of earning enough to have a good living, but not pushing the earning boat further out than we can manage to row back in. It's finding that level where enough is enough. This requires a realistic outlook, humility, contentment, acceptance of our abilities. Of course we can always push for more; we may surf adrenaline for a while but it's not sustainable.
So what's the best thing to do? Well, I really can't say. We're all individuals with our own needs, desires and abilities. But acknowledge your achievements, small and large. Respect your own abilities, take pleasure in small things, take pleasure in big things; there is no difference, they're all just things and we should have pleasure in them. That's the point. In my mind it makes no difference if we make it to the top in our field or not, or whether we have great wealth or modest income. At the end of the day, we can't take it with us when we go. We leave as we came in, with nothing. But the time we have in between should be a happy one and a healthy one.
So what's it all about? I would say,,,,do what you love, and do more of what you love and then make sure you're doing more again of what you love, because happiness helps you be healthy. And if you've got health and happiness, you've got the basis of why we're all here. When you cease loving what you do, change to something else that you do love. That's what I did in my mid 30's. But what about wealth? Well it's my belief that the Universe will provide what we need, as and when we need it. This system has never let me down yet. :-)
Your world
June 21, 2007
How do you choose to see the world? How do you see your world? Is your cup half full or half empty? Your world, is how you see it, which is different from how I see it or anyone else on earth and the reason is that we're all individual with our own perspective on life, our own lifetime experiences, our own needs, loves, and desires.
If I hold up a sheet of paper to someone in front of me, they'll see a rectangular sheet of paper. However, someone standing immediately to my side, will only see the edge of it would appear as a thin white 'thread'. Glasgow is north from where I am, but it's southwest from Aberdeen. A red felt marker pen may be useful to some for writing hate slogans on train windows but for others, to draw love-hearts on a handmade valentine. Five minutes wait in the doctor's reception, for some is an infuriating waste of time, for others it's chance to make five phone calls, for others it's a chance to read the paper, plan a meeting and for me to visualise a wonderful outcome to a forthcoming situation, my violin vibrato becoming second nature and as beautiful as a blackbird's song. It's a chance to stop and listen, not to the noise around, but my own quietness inside, the peace that I have a choice to enjoy. I can just enjoy the wait.
My cup us half full most of the time, except for when it's full, and occasionally it's half empty, but not often. See my blog Half full, half empty. When my two expensive photographic kits were stolen six years ago I cried for a few moments, felt some pain of loss, felt that I'd had my hands cut off as the loss prevented me from doing one of the things that I loved doing most and that's taking quality pictures. But soon it dawned on me that this was a wonderful opportunity to get a new kit...no,....two new kits on insurance. Yes, I had been wise enough to insure the lot for replacement as new, value. It wasn't the loss of the actual cameras that I missed but their usefulness. They were only lumps of metal and glass, so there was no emotional attachment. Eventually I was so glad they'd been stolen as the new kits were even better. Not that I'd ever wish it to happen again!
I injured my arm in an accident preventing me from playing my violin for several months. But when the time came to start playing again, I did so with great care to play as freely as possible to avoid aggravating the injury and the result was an improvement in my technique. Ultimately I was grateful for this chance to tackle something differently and benefit in an unexpected way. Thank you.
When it's sunny outside, that's a great day to go walking in the country, to barbecue with friends or to sit beside the river and watch boats go by. When it's a rainy dull day, that's a great day to get some photographic printing done in my darkroom or for doing some violin practice. A wet day can be often seen as a dissappintment but it need not be. However for some people, it's raining every day....even when it's sunny. It's all a matter of outlook and perspective.
When I get three cancellations in one morning for Alexander Technique sessions, it's a shame people can't make it, but great....I've got some time to write a letter, go out to the florist and buy the flowers for my teaching room, to write a blog. On the other hand, when the gap in my diary that I'd planned to buy the flowers, write a blog or write a letter is suddenly taken up by clients wanting instant AT sessions, then that's great....I'm able to do what I enjoy most. Well almost most, because my 'mostest' enjoyments come from what I'm doing, because that's what I do. I enjoy. It's whatever is going on at the moment is the thing I am enjoying the most. There is always something to be gained or benefited from whatever the occupation is, as I wrote about in 'Choose your Experience'.
And in the words of that great wise sage and authority in all worldly matters of importance, Pooh, .......
"What day is it today?" asks Pooh.
"It's today" squeaked Piglet
"My favourite day" said Pooh.
:-)
It's summer
June 1, 2007
Picea sitchensis 'Bentham's Sunlight'
Today is 1st June, and it's the first day of Summer. Isn't that great?
Have a lovely weekend.
:-)
Don't let your past undermine you
May 24, 2007
Letting go of the Past
Several people have commented on my post a few days ago about Seeing Things Differently and the discussions brought to mind a rather powerful and negative experience I had as a young man which I'll share with you in a minute. But I am always relieved and encouraged when I look back at what happened to me and then consider how I subsequently changed my attitude, posture and sense of well-being so I have come out of the situation wiser, happier, healthier and better off.
During our lives we are constantly living new experiences, some of which are good and some are bad. All experiences have a profound effect not only on our consciousness but also on our subconscious. Having a good experience tells you that it’s OK and that you’re good at this and you can do it again. It’s positive and you feel that there is no need for fear. Having a bad experience, particularly when we’re young, tells us that this is hurtful and painful, and that we’re not successful, that we’re a failure, and it makes us timid when a similar situation occurs. So we go through our lives, constantly experiencing things that add to and change our perception of ourselves and our abilities or limitations.
If I go on stage and make a presentation as I have done hundreds of times and it goes well, without suffering nerves, then this positive experience tells my subconscious that it’s OK, I can do this and it’s likely to go well when I do it again. Conversely if it doesn’t go well then this negative experience can affect me on subsequent occasions. This happened to me once many years ago when I was quite young.
I was in Amsterdam on business with some colleagues as a young up and coming manager and we had an important meeting with the directors of a large Dutch retail organisation. I had been out late the night before and having had some drinks, not slept well then had a salty breakfast and become rather dehydrated I was very much the worse for wear. I went into their boardroom with my colleagues from London at 9.00am on the top floor of their corporate offices where the windows went from floor to ceiling and the hot sun was blasting in. When it was my turn to speak, I completely dried up, couldn’t think properly and felt a strong sense of panic. I went pale and only managed to splutter something and made my excuses for not feeling well.
This type of experience can seriously undermine our confidence, and it goes into our subconscious and tells us that this situation is fearful. Next time we’re confronted by a similar one, we are possibly going to feel nervous, if not down right frightened, as it happened to me all those years ago. The little voice inside of us won’t tell us that we shall do this easily, but that we should fear the situation as a cause of discomfort and distress. We won’t feel good, but threatened.
This bad experience affected me deeply. During the short period of leading up to my next presentation, I was checking to see if my fear was appearing again. I was almost trying to find my fear, just to confirm that I really was frightened! And with every attempt to find the fear in me to justify my nervousness, I was rehearsing the bad experience, and becoming even better at my negative habit that was undermining me. And I found it. Indeed I managed to create it by looking for it. I was right! I was frightened! And by finding the nervousness I was satisfying my ego in some perverse way. I had actually made myself fearful, even though it was actually all in my imagination. It was all in my head, my body and the feeling was one that I had created for myself. They were feelings that I had never experienced before I got a scare on that one particular occasion.
Not only did I have the voice inside shouting that I should run away and be fearful, I also had my muscles tightening up, stiffening my neck, shoulders, legs and back in a fight or flight response that would also throw me off balance and cause me to hold my breath. Being undermined by excessive tiredness and dehydration made it particularly difficult for me to consciously taken control to ensure that I didn’t respond physically in that manner. This all happened over twenty-five years ago and is now a distant memory. I regularly give public presentations these days and thoroughly enjoy them.
The condition in which we are physically, is linked up very much with our emotions, and one affects the other. If I am able to control myself so that I don’t stiffen, and maintain good balance and breathe easily, I’m not setting up the physical response to fear and I’ll be more likely to remain calm and be successful. The recurring thought that “I can’t do that” and the physical tendency to stiffen are both habits; one mental, and the other physical, that is if they can be separated at all, which is unlikely.
From these sorts of bad experiences we get an attitude about our abilities. Being scolded constantly by our parents for not doing well enough at school can have quite an effect on our self perception. We may eventually feel that we’re not and cannot be successful. We may grow to lack self-confidence, and also have a poor sense of our worth. So when we are then confronted with challenges outside of our comfort zone, we may subconsciously believe that it’s not even worth trying to achieve it, because deep down we feel that we don’t have the ability. With constant verbal attacks and lack of emotional support from our parents, it’s also possible that we will have developed certain postural characteristics that are based on fear, and lack of self worth, for example, a hollow chest, stoop, rounded shoulders and general collapse.
We can see clearly that our posture affects our emotions, and also how we think can affect our posture and how we feel too. We create our own reality. Some negative experiences can become so deeply ingrained that they affect everything we do. But if we can see where they may have come from and realise that our emotions and physique are all of our own making, we can understand that with some intention and perseverance we can 'unmake' them; we can change how we are by consciously choosing to be different. This is the wonderful potential that we all have....every single one of us. If we are blessed with being able to think as most of us thankfully are, then it is through this wonderful attribute that we can make a difference to our lives. We can change our posture; learn the Alexander Technique to help. We can choose to focus on the positive, to think of what we DO want rather than what we do not, to choose to be happy. If we decide not to bother and continue as we are then that is our choice. But it's worth reminding ourselves that This is Our Life and it's the only one we've got, so we may as well make the best of it and give ourselves something to remember and be truly proud of when we look back in our old age and reflect on our life.
Hey, we can have such a good time here if we choose!! :-)
[This blog includes anecdote from Perfect Poise, Perfect Life by Noel Kingsley]
Seeing things differently
May 18, 2007
Isn't it just lovely when people are kind, when they have consideration towards you and you know it's coming from their heart? It makes such a difference to the day, and I'm so grateful when someone is kind enough to give me this experience. So the awareness comes to mind, that although other people can affect me in such pleasant ways and they enhance my experience in life, I am part of their environment too. So.....
Today I choose to act with kindness and be in my heart. What we give out is what we get back.
If we are critical of others and have attacking thoughts, not only do they go out to the person but they are likely to be returned. Even being judgemental is a form of criticism and negativity. The negative emotion that we are creating towards someone else also attacks us, so we too suffer in health and well being. I recall an elderly lady of 102 years old who came to me for Alexander Technique sessions who told me in response to being asked her why she had lived so long, said that it was because she never got angry or held a grudge. She felt that everyone who gets angry is making themselves sick.
By acting with kindness we are living in our heart. Of two emotions, love and fear, it is love that comes from the heart and is real. It is love that attracts health, well being and growth that we can see in nature around us. Fear, which is the antithesis of love is something that we create for ourselves. Fear doesn’t exist in any form other than as an emotion that we create in response to stimuli outside of us. If we replace fear with love then we are healing ourselves and we will cope with the situation.
If I am required to give a presentation to a group of people, it’s possible that I could have some fear or nervousness about being the focus of attention or how my talk will be received. The fear would be inside of me, not outside. The event at which I would be presenting does not have any fear in it, but I could feel fear for myself. However, if I make the conscious choice to replace this fear with a real desire to go out there and connect with all these lovely people and to enjoy presenting to them and to like them, then I am no longer fearful. Fear has been replaced by love and I will enjoy myself more, my energy will be channelled positively rather than negatively through fear, I shall be uplifted with my own enthusiasm and I shall engage with them from the heart and they will hear a more enjoyable talk. In reality, nothing has changed about the event or my presentation, but there has been a change in the way that I view the situation, and it is this that makes the difference. Although I may have felt my fear in my gut and throughout my body, the experience is the product of my imagination, and by choosing to see things differently, from the viewpoint of love, I have banished fear.
You may like to try this for yourself. Next time you don’t want to do something, for whatever reason, be it fear or boredom, decide to see the task differently and enjoy doing it. Choose to act from a position of love, kindness and contentedness. Give out what you would like to receive and it will be reflected back to you. If you are going for an interview, really look forward to the opportunity of expressing yourself. If you’ve got a lot of house cleaning, take pleasure in making your home beautiful. If someone in your office has done something to annoy you, see them differently, give them some affection, some gift of kindness....and even if they do not change, you will have changed how you perceive them; you'll see them as part of a bigger picture and see them differently. If you decide to enjoy what you're doing no matter what it is and if you give out kindness and love, it will be returned.
Today I shall act with kindness and be in my heart......and I think I shall do so tomorrow too....
Have a great weekend. :-)
Half full, half empty?
May 11, 2007
As I cycled east beside Hyde Park at 6.15am this morning on my way to work I found myself heading directly into the sun. After more rain last night and the remnants of heavy clouds still hanging low, the rising sun elbowed its way to shine horizontally and directly underneath them, powerful and blinding after the London pollution and pollen has been washed out of our air leaving it crystal clear, and so pleasant to breathe. The sun could be no brighter. It was a strange and most beautiful combination of dark clouds and the most brilliant sunshine. I thought how like our own experiences in life is this, the combination and contrast of bright joy and cloudy gloom?
Is your day cloudy or sunny? Is your cup half empty or half full? How do you perceive your day? If I looked up at our new sky this morning I could see cloud, but although I knew it's there, I prefered to notice the sun, and although I could not look directly at it, I saw it's brilliance reflected on everything around. Everything was smiling, the walls, the glistening pavement, the blond sandstone buildings, the newly budded leaves on oaks and birches of Hyde Park were all aglow and looking perky with their refreshing wash in heavy rain and the warm and sunny brilliance.
Is today going to be a good day? Depends on how I look at it. I may see clouds or see sun depending on my outlook, I may see problems looming or I may see solutions, positive outcomes, happy conclusions, a day full of cheerful clients smiling with contentment at their progress with the Alexander Technique. I could look at the bucket of rain water on the floor of my clinic and think 'Oh dear...what a disaster', or I may think 'The rain has stopped, it's drying out and it's not stained the carpet and anyway, it's all going to be fixed pretty soon. Great'.
Is your cup half empty this morning or is it half full? Have you decided that today....and tomorrow are going to be great days? There is one person in this world who can do more, ten thousand times more than anyone else to make sure that our life goes the way we would like it and that is the owner, possessor, captain and Lord and Master of the life itself, namely ourselves. It is you and me. We are better placed than anyone else in the whole world to make a difference to how we feel. Even if we need a doctor, a roof repair person, a lawyer, a new job or a new relationship. The solution to how we feel starts and finishes with our own relationship with ourselves.
You and I can make ourselves feel good in an instant if we choose. And if it takes more than an instant to change, then we don't give up, but think ourselves into the better state. Whether it's the plumber, hairdresser or company boss we feel we need to sort out our problem, we can shift our sense of well being right now by just choosing to be happy. We can send our happiness level right up the Richter Scale by just choosing to feel good. Now don't tell me that you don't know what feeling good, feels like. Even if it's many months or even years, owing to upset, ill health or longterm situation, somewhere and sometime ago, we felt really good, really happy. And with this previous experience we know the sensation. You can create that sensation for yourself right now if you choose.
There are always things in life that we can see as being terrible, upsetting, worrying and unwanted, but equally we can 'see' things in life that are wonderful. We can start being grateful for what we've got. Two hands and eyes are pretty good for starters amongst so many thousands of other things we take for granted. Gratitude for what we've got brings a smile and with a smile comes happiness. When we are happy we are attracting more of the same experience into our lives. It's the Law of Attraction and 'Thinking makes it so.'
Is today going to be a cloudy day or a bright sunny day? For me, 'I don't give a damn.' The weather won't affect how I feel, one way or another, because the way I feel is up to me to choose. I am not dependent on anyone or any thing for my own sense of happiness, and neither are you. We are all capable of making our own choices in life. So with this, you might just like to choose to think of the big things, the things you want. Look on the bright side, see what makes you happy. Don't look for problems. See solutions; 'see' things as you would really like them.
The sun can be shining for you, no matter what the weather is doing. :-)
Have a great day.
Always a positive outcome.
April 12, 2007I damaged a photographic lens filter last night while trying to remove a stubborn mark. It's no use putting an orange coloured filter that 's got a blemish or mark on it in front of a high quality lens, as the image will suffer....no matter how good the lens is, the result will be determined by the weakest element. So I need a new orange glass filter of the highest quality in 39mm diameter. Hm. My search for a replacement this morning has brought surprising results.
I phoned my favourite Leica stockist who is a mile away down Bond Street. There didn't seem much point in walking there and back if he didn't have one in stock, particularly since I don't have a great deal of spare time, nice as the walk may have been. He didn't have one and said the particular B&W range is becoming harder to get, particularly with the growth of digital equipment.
So I phoned another Leica stockist and was told the same thing; they are hard to get and I'll be lucky to find one. Oh dear! I need one for this weekend when I visit Dorset!
I tried another stockist and they too didn't have this make. There are other makes available, but I particularly want B&W as they supply Leica themselves and are of the same high quality. At this stage I am beginning to think that things are transpiring against me. But I quickly changed my thinking and thought....maybe this is 'for me'. Maybe something will come up....
I did a search on Google and 'Hey Presto', there's a stockist in another town and sure enough on his website it says they carry stocks of B&W filters. I quickly phone them up and they are most helpful. Yes, they have B&W filters, they have orange in stock and yes, they also have it in 39mm. Great. How much? The answer is half the price I was quoted by a London retailer. FotoSENSE in Bolton, England have recently become major stockists of B&W filters and they will soon be increasing their range of cameras to include traditional photographic equipment. The manager told me they believe that the digital market is now reaching saturation point and there are more opportunities for high quality traditional 'film' based photographic equipment.
They have promissed to post it today by First Class and I will have it for the weekend. So the outcome of this little saga is,....what seemed like a minor disaster had a positive outcome. I got the filter, I didn't need to walk the couple of miles and I paid half the price quoted by London retailers. The time I saved allowed me to also write two letters (by hand with fountain pen and wet ink) and write this blog. Thank you FotoSENSE, I shall be back!
It just shows, you never know what 'blessings' or benefits there are until a problem occurs. We need life's problems to benfit from their solution!
:-)
Sunrise over Hyde Park
March 21, 2007
As I motorcycled my way to work today, the sun was visible, rising over Hyde Park at 6.30am for the first time in five months. And what a joy it was to behold. During the winter months at this time, the park looks dark and forbidding, but today it has all changed. The sun dazzled obliquely through the trees, glistening the frost on grass and dew on budding twigs, bringing with it hope and anticipation of a new day. For a few moments, gone are the concerns of my own little world, the problems of work (not that I have any really), traumas and difficulties at home (of which there are none either) and all the other little worries and concerns that can overwhelmingly consume us, distracting our attention away from the fact that there is a wonderful big world out there beyond our normal realm of perception.
The sun dazzled my eyes this morning to remind me how small and insignificant are my own personal concerns when there is such magnificence and magnitude of experience to be had in the simple start of a new day. How refreshing it is, when we can pause a moment and have a reality check put our own life into context of the bigger picture. And with this sparkling beginning to Wednesday, I feel a thrill of excitement, a bubble of happiness, a little skip of a heartbeat and the awareness that there is so much out there waiting to be discovered and experienced. So despite what happened yesterday, today is certainly a new day, a new beginning, the chance to repair, to make amends, to start over. It's the chance to begin something new, to do something extraordinary, to go for what really matters, to make a difference, to make a positive and uplifting impression, to contribute and help others too feel that today is a great day to be having, to step out anew.
It's a good day to leave yesterday behind and realise that the day holds unbounded opportunities to make of what we will, to go for the big one, or to just enjoy the moment that we're in right now. The sun is shining; there is much to enjoy.
Seeing the sunrise early this morning was a great thing to have happened today, but it won't be the last....
Have a great day.
:-)
Never too late
March 15, 2007I was talking with a friend recently about old age and attitude and how different people are. Some in their 60s or 70s feel that it's too late to change, that you can't teach an old dog new tricks, while others who may be considerably older are keen to try out and experience new things in life.
While talking with this friend, an elderly client of mine who was a centenarian came to mind; someone I have mentioned before and in also my book. She is such a wonderful example, I'd like to tell you a bit more. She was one of the most remarkable people anyone could ever hope to meet. As it happened, I felt so privileged to be working with her, hearing her stories and learning about her attitude to life, I gave her all of her twice weekly sessions over two year period for free. I used to go to her house by motorbike and park outside the door to the residential flats. She would hear me arrive, I'd see her curtain twitch, and she put the kettle on.
This lady was in fact 102 years old when I met her at an Introductory evening course I was running for the Alexander Technique. Ella was a bright and sprightly lady of 4ft 11in height and full of the joys of spring. When I asked her why she wanted to have sessions from me, her comment was “I don’t think my posture is very good, and I am feeling a bit stiff”! Great reasons to come along, I thought, and what an attitude for someone of her great age! When the class finished, she expressed interest in having some one-to-one sessions so we made arrangements to meet.
During the two year period we had sessions, I was privileged to hear some of her many stories. I heard about her trips down to Lyons’ tearoom in Piccadilly by horse drawn cab and her travels around the world. Her last major trip being when she was ‘only’ 90, she had travelled by herself for three months across America by Greyhound bus. “Wonderful, just absolutely wonderful!” she said when describing her holiday.
She also commented on our sessions, “ I feel taller (her height increased by ½ inch to 5 feet) my breathing is easier, and also being looser helps me maintain my balance in those awful winter winds which previously threatened to blow me over. Now I feel stronger, I hope to be able to carry on for a few more years.” And she did until she was 104.
On one occasion, I asked Ella why she thought that she’d lived so long, as all of her family had died, if I recall correctly between the ages of 60 and 75. She believed that it was her attitude of mind. She never held a grudge or let anger take hold. It was her attitude to be grateful for whatever came her way, and if things didn’t work out as hoped, or if she’d been let down by someone or an event, she would just accept it. That’s life. Some things work out and others don’t. She told me “everyone is getting angry, and that’s what makes them sick!” I asked her if she’d thought this way all of her life, and she said “Oh no! Only since I was 70!”. Here was a lady who despite her great age and experience, felt that she may be able to do something to help herself enjoy life a little more, so she started having Alexander Technique sessions long after many people would have given up and waited for the bell to ring ‘time up’.
Ella commented during one session “all my life I’ve believed that I need to hold myself up like this….” (she demonstrated a Sergeant Major type of stance,) “..and now you show me that I don’t need to, and it can be so much easier. That’s wonderful! Thank you!” God bless her, she herself was wonderful.
After a lapse of sessions owing to her sudden bout of ill health, I heard that she had passed away. I was very saddened by this indeed and it took me quite a while to adjust to the thought that the sprightly, energetic and positive thinking Ella was no longer with us. Shortly later however, a letter arrived through my door from her solicitor. She had left me a small amount of money. As it happens, I was in the process of setting up my very first darkroom at home and was just about to buy an enlarger, being an enthusiast for the traditional methods rather than digital. The sum she left me matched the price of the enlarger to within £1. The enlarger which I bought and still use is called Ella.
:-)
Good days, bad days...
March 6, 2007If you want to be good at something, sport, music, dance, you have to take the good days along with the not-so-good-days. Focusing on the 'how' helps you make progress despite the daily ups and downs. There is pleasure in small steps, at least that's my experience as I avoid pulling hair out in exasperation with the violin. :-)
Podcasts for health and happiness
Lost in contentment
January 26, 2007
We had our photography group meeting at my office on Monday and as we sat around the table firstly having some lunch before viewing each member's latest work, the comment was made that photography was not an occupation that could make you happy.
The point being made was that photographers are always endeavouring to produce better work, higher quality images in one means or another. This is nothing to do with whether it's in digital or traditional printing, it's the quest of everyone to do better than they are doing currently. This may be the wish for better equipment, higher quality lenses or mastering the skill of production in their medium. So the life of a photographer is destined to be a frustrating one and to completely miss out on that elusive yet most talked about of desirable human experiences........happiness.
We could probably include many other occupations in our discussion, where the pursuit of excellence is a goal, where human endeavour, creativity, skill and artistry and perseverance are qualities that need to combine to produce the highest rewards. Other activities that could be viewed in a similar way include painting, horse riding, golf, music making, writing be it poetry, fiction or journalism, sculpture, football, rugby, gardening and almost any other activity you care to mention.
So, in response to this comment over lunch, I reminded the group of a situation that I had found most embarrassing during a previous meeting last autumn. We were viewing and commenting on each other's latest hand-made monochrome endeavours, all painstakingly produced from our traditional darkrooms and it was clear to all, that I had completely gone wrong with my calculations in depth of field. This is the technical adjustment required to ensure that the foreground of my pictures were as sharp as the background.....a quality that I personally am seeking but not at all an essential requirement for a good photo. But it's what my pictures need. And basically I had messed up. Each and every one of my images were blurred in one part or another to the extent that the lack of sharpness detracted from the quality of the end result. They were not good pictures, despite other aspects of composition, lighting and tonal range all being appealing, the focus let them down. This was a depressing situation on some levels. All 18 rolls of film that I had shot during a two week summer break in Dorset were stricken down with the same horrible disease and with such afflictions were really unusable. But was I depressed? Not really.
The reason I wasn't depressed was because I had the most wonderful time actually taking these photos. During the two weeks I had about ten 2-3 hour photo sessions all before breakfast. I had got up shortly after dawn, and was out in the woodland location for 5.30am with the sun rising and I enjoyed such intoxicating woodland energy, peace and tranquility shared only with the birds. I was totally lost in that most wonderful of meditative states that comes when one is completely immersed in the creative process and connecting with nature. I was happy and absorbed in my activity. Happy in the process, lost in contentment, that is the point I'm making.
So was I depressed when the images didn't eventually turn out as expected? Well just a tad, yes this is true to a small degree. But with all artistic and personal endeavours, it is the process that needs to be enjoyed because what is the point otherwise? What is the earthly chance of producing work that is truly exceptional? As I play my violin, with only two years experience, do I delude myself in thinking that I will ever sound like Jascha Heifetz? Not one bit. The sound I make can sometimes be excruciating! My partner will verify this. But I doooooooo enjoy the process. And this must surely apply to anyone else who applies themselves to such challenging activities. If perfection eludes us, we can still enjoy the process. So can photography make you happy? You might now expect me to say 'yes'. but actually I would say 'no'. You make yourself happy with whatever you do. It's a choice and determined by how you approach it. If excellence is the only measure, then surely we will be mostly disappointed, but if we have other objectives and ambitions, maybe it's just to have fun, then we can even be blissfully happy with the most modest of achievements. I know which I would prefer.
And what about my pictures? Well we enjoyed our holiday in Dorset so much last year, we have already booked to go to the same place this year, again for two weeks. So guess what I shall be doing at 5.30am in the mornings of our vacation? You got it. I'll be up with the sparrows, and out in the woodlands re-photographing all those wonderful trees and scenes that demand that I have once again, the most wonderful time absorbed in the activity.
But rest assured, when I do make these pictures again, I shall check that my focus is accurate and I have suitably allowed for an appropriate depth of field. Next autumn's photography group meetings will see the results of two years work rolled into one.
Whatever you do, whatever you are applying yourself to,....make sure you enjoy the process. It's this moment we live in that is most important. Make sure you live it now.
[PS, the photo at the top is not from this trip to Dorset but an image from Wimbledon, London.]
:-)
Positive Thinking
January 10, 2007
On meeting a friend yesterday, the first thing she said was "This Positive Thinking business really works!" I asked her what she meant and she replied "I've met someone."
Having not had a relationship for a number of years and now living abroad having moved there alone, she has been keen to have a new boyfriend, but nothing had yet transpired. She had a clear idea of the type of person she'd like to meet, but no-one had come into her life.
After a brief visit to London in December for a number of work related functions and on leaving one high profile party, she made a conscious decision that this was the last time that she would attend this annual function as a single person. She decided that by this time next year she would have a partner.
My friend told me that on returning to her home in France and on New Year's Day, met an English friend who lived in a nearby village, who she had known for a year or so. It was on New Year's Day that this friend told her, having first summoned all his courage, that he loved her, and had loved her ever since they met a year ago. But as he'd had a girlfriend, he had not said anything. But now, his relationship was breaking up and he felt able to share his feelings. He said that he couldn't believe that she had not already been snapped up.
Apparently this man is not an obvious choice for my friend. Indeed she hadn't ever thought of him in a romantic way. He wasn't her type. She had a clear vision of someone quite chic, trendy, good looking and athletic and this man was an English farmer who having moved to France, was setting up a farm for rare breeds of spotted pigs and fluffy-headed hens. She hadn't fancied him at all, although the pigs are pretty cute.
But when I asked her about him, it turns out that he really makes her laugh....a lot. He's great fun, has a strong sense of what is right and wrong, is honest and as solid as a rock, cuddly and romantic too. Over the last year, she had said that visualisation Techniques had not worked. She had not got what she wanted. So I asked her yesterday, would she like to be with a man who made her laugh, was honest, solid and reliable as well as being cuddly, romantic and who had a strong sense of right and wrong......and she said "Of course. Yes I would." ...So did she get what she wanted? He may not match her ideal criteria for looks, but on a deeper level....the level that really counts, he is what she truly wanted deep down. She now feels that it was her clear decision to make a change in her life after the London party that shifted her her energy about the situation and she attracted towards her what was right. It's the Law of Attraction.
Since their frank and open discussion things have blossomed. She has seen what a wonderful partner he could actually be, they've talked about having children and have even set a date for getting married in November. I'm going to book my tickets.
Not a bad start to the year! 2007 is going to be a good one.
:-)
It's never as bad as it feels
November 29, 2006
When things go well.....smile. When things go badly.....smile. There's always another day. Life moves on and today's mistakes are soon forgotten. And anyway they're rarely as bad as we feel them at the time. Tomorrow is another day and it will be great! You never know what's around the corner.
I was at the Barbican Concert Hall, London last night to hear a performance of Shostakovitch and Tchaikovsky piano trios with Maxim Vengerov (violin) with Lilya Zilberstein (piano) and Alisa Weilerstein (cello). All three are wonderful soloists in their own right and the performance was electric of these two complex pieces. Brilliant stuff.
But towards the end of the Tchaikovsky and of the recital, one of Alisa Weilerstein's strings broke. Disaster. She could not carry on so she stood up, smiled and left the stage while the other two performers carried on for a few more bars before stopping. As Alisa smiled and walked off to change her string the audience applauded. They were 'with her'. Vengerov and Zilberstein also left the stage so all three could return together after a few minutes to rapturous applause. They started the movement again and played brilliantly.
A broken string is about as bad as it gets for performers of stringed instruments. But did it matter? Not really. The audience was 'with' Alisa. The 24 year old who started playing the cello at the age of four has charisma and stature that belie her age. She is a truly exciting performer with the most wonderful tone. Watch out for her. We all loved her performance and the others too.
Things are never that bad you can't find a smile if you want to. And by doing so we shift the energy. It makes life good.
:-)
We can all become great at something...
November 13, 2006There is good news and bad news for all of us if we want to excel at an activity. Do you want to be a world class golfer, star performer, chess champion or expert violinist (me)? Well the good news from research carried out over the last fifteen years is that we do not need to be naturally gifted in order to excel. (Although it probably helps!)
Dr Joseph Mercola reports that British researchers conclude their extensive study of the subject by saying: "The evidence we have surveyed ... does not support the [notion that] excelling is a consequence of possessing innate gifts."
Researchers found that even the most gifted of people didn't manage to get to their high standard without enormous amounts of hard work. I recall Maxim Vengorov the world class violinist saying that he was told as a child that he had a rare gift for the violin. It was because he had this gift that he had to work ten times as hard as other children. Only then would he capitalise on his gift.
Researchers found that as a general rule, people have to work extremely hard for a minimum of ten years before they get to a high level of achievement. It is such a common pattern that it has even become known as the 'Ten Year Rule'. Apparently even Bobby Fischer, the chess champion at 16, had nine years of intensive study first.
So what's the bad news? Just that to get anywhere or achieve anything to a high standard, we need to put an enormous amount of time into practicing our activity. We need to do it regularly, consistently, methodically and be very focused on improving...... Only then will people tell us that we're gifted, and you'll want to sock them in the mouth for not recognising all the hard work you've put into it.
It takes work and it takes time. I guess I'll just have to carry on playing the violin every opportunity and then maybe 'Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star' may come more easily to my fingertips. Sigh.
High Five!
November 10, 2006
Borat
Do you ever pat yourself on the back? I mean, when you've completed something, had some success, achieved a small goal.....or a big goal, do you ever stop and congratulate yourself?
In our task orientated society, where demands are high, personal performance is measured (usually by others in our annual review) it's easy to forget or omit one important stage in the project cycle. There are many stages in making a project come to completion from the initial brainstorming of ideas requiring imagination, creativity and inspiration through planning to implementation. OK, job done. What happens next? Often we go straight on to the next thing that requires our attention. But what about the one we've just completed? It's a mistake to move on so swiftly without giving consideration to what has been achieved.
We like it when our work is appreciated. "Well Done!" Others may say. "Great job" "High Five!" Or they might not say anything at all. We may have bust a gut getting this project done on time, high in creativity and low in cost. We've produced miracles out of the impossible. It's now time to acknowledge our achievements.....for ourselves. It's part of the cycle: we have ideas, planning, implementation.........and then acknowledgment!!
Stand back and look at what you've achieved. This doesn't just apply to the big projects in life. It can be the small achievements we have every day. If you've cleaned the car, look at it, admire how lovely it is and smile. For me, I'm now able to play on the violin all of the 24 scales which includes major and minor keys in two octaves or three. This may not be the most exciting achievement and there are many levels to go through as I learn to play them at different tempos with different bowings and learning to recognise all the notes instantly.....but that will come all in good time. Today I have played all the scales and for my limited experience as a novice violinist it is a small achievement. I could pass this by and just 'push on' with the next thing. But no. I stop and think.....I have done well. I am pleased and I pat myself on the back.
Why should we do this? Because it completes the cycle. It makes us feel good about what we've done. If we feel good about it we will want to do more. Acknowledgement fuels our enthusiasm to get on with something else. A pat on the back helps us feel that we have achieved something and makes us smile. Feeling good about what we've done helps us achieve more, be happier and healthier. I'm slowly moving up the ladder of violin playing. Maybe I'm on the third rung of this very long un-ending ladder. Heck, I've done quite well, thank you! It's not about revelling in your own egotisitacal self-glory. IIt's part of the process and it's our loss to ignore it. Now we can look at what's next, feeling good about our achievements so far.
How should we congratulate ourselves? A pat on the back is one thing. Give some time to look at what you've done. Go and buy yourself a special gift. Treat yourself to something extraordinary. Get yourself something that spoils you. The size and expense doesn't matter. It could be a bunch of flowers that you can look at for a week or more to remind you of your sucess.
If you see someone else achieving something, no matter how small which they did to their very best ability....even if it's not as good as they hoped (who are we to judge them?) .....remember to tell them "Well Done". It's not condescending if we mean what we say. They did their best. Put a smile on their face. A little acknowledgement goes a long way. And if we did our best.....High Five!
:-)
To Thine Own Self Be True
November 8, 2006
When you greet someone and say " Hi. How are you?", more often than not they'll reply with "I'm fine thanks, and you?" or "Going great." or"Yeah, not so bad." or "Very well thanks.". When do you ever hear someone say in response to your enquiry "Not so good" "I'm shit" or "Bloody awful". Never, or nearly never.
So, by all accounts everyone is perfectly fine and their lives are going hunky-dory like a clock-work train. Yes, everyone is absolutely terrific. But then if we chat a while with our friend we'll hear how stressed they are, the dog has diarrhoea, their son failed most of the GCSE exams, their boss has it in for them and their back is giving them grief.
It's just that if we were to always hear the truth of the matter up front, we may just run the other way. So we give out that everything is perfect when it's truly not, just so we don't send everyone running. Who wants to spend time with a negative talking, unsuccessful and sick specimen of humankind? Well, if the truth be told, I do.
When I say that I want to be with people who say everything is going badly, what I mean is that I want people to say how it truly is and not pretend. I want people to be REAL and not put on a mask of pretence, or be hiding the real person. No matter how people pretend, there are give-away signals that tell us otherwise. And if we don't see the 'real person' how can we really love them? How can we fully connect with them?
When we are presented with a 'face' that is contrived or a pretence and an ideal of how a person would like to be perceived, how can we possibly see the real person underneath. We don't fall in love with a mask. If we do, it will be short lived and there can be disappointment when it comes off. If we were all to communicate on such shallow and contrived levels, how can we ever relate to each other in a deep and meaningful way?
Naturally we don't really want to surround ourselves with 'negative' people as this can bring our own mood down. We mirror emotions very easily and this can have a detrimental effect on our own sense of well-being, health and outlook in life. Indeed it's best if we can be amidst happy, jovial, successful, positive, loving, healthy, optimistic people. Mirroring emotions in such situations helps to make our own life even better. But then, if we are not feeling so great and we're in the company of someone who's just having the most fantastic time, feeling great and they tell you just how super-fantastically-brilliant they really are and what an amazing life they are having, we can begin to shrink away and feel even worse. Again, is this super-human example being really true to themselves, or are they faking it? What is behind this mask of superior excellence? if behind this mask we find someone who is truly amazing then we're dealing with the 'real' person and it is unlikely that there will be any dissonance in their persona, they will be relaxed in themselves. People who truly have it, rarely give a display of excess or arrogance. It's those who 'do not have' who put on a pretence and it comes across as over-strong and 'not real'. It can be a real turn-off.
I just love it when I can see the real person....warts and all. Then I know who I'm dealing with. I'm far more likely to back away from someone if my senses tell me that I'm talking to a mask of pretence, than I am if someone tells me the truth about how it's all going wrong and the bottom has fallen out of their lives. That I can relate to and their whole being rings with truth. Then I can love them for who they are. Then I can have empathy and a really connection with the person. I cannot connect with a mask or contrived persona.
So I make a mental note to myself, as prone as I am as anyone to say "I'm fine." when it may not be the case, to always be true, to be true to myself. (I cannot be true to any other.) Then they have the tangible 'me' to relate to. And if they don't like me as I am, then that's not my problem. By letting myself be 'me', by being true to myself then I encourage self-healing and health rather than inner conflict, dissonance and disharmony. I encourage self-acceptance of who I am which brings relief. I can relax in the real me. Even in discomfort I can relax. When I can find real and loving acceptance of myself,.....then I will be fine. Then "Fine." means fine. Then it's truth. And that's what people want to hear. They want to hear that "I'm fine." and for it to be true.
But until then they're going to have to hear it as it truly is. Because only then will I be able to be truly as I am and live my life with honesty to myself, happily and in the best of health.
:-)
To Thine Own Self Be True
-- William Shakespeare
Thinking manifests
November 3, 2006
A few years ago I was giving a final Alexander Technique lesson to a forty year old entrepreneur who was retiring to Monte Carlo, Monaco. He'd earned his money building an extremely successful software business which he'd just sold. He was also selling his 10 seater aircraft, his Bentley and his London home. In short, he was uprooting, lock, stock and barrel and moving to the Mediterranean where he planned to live the rich life and write some fiction.
At the end of our last session I asked him if he could tell me how he had been so successful and he asked me in return, had I read Richard Bach's little book called 'Illusions'. I said that I had. He then just made a small passing comment as he left my room for the last time "It's all in there". I read this little book again with renewed interest.
I also gave a copy to my Dad and one or two to other people thinking they may find the pearls of wisdom helpful in their quest for a happy and successful life. If nothing else, it's a good read. My Dad's initial response was that it was "a bit far fetched". I then told him of what the millionaire had told me. I didn't hear from my Dad for about two weeks as he's in Scotland and I'm in London and we were both busy. But then I got a Thank You card from him, saying that after our conversation he'd read the book again......and again, and again and again. He was on the fifth read when he wrote to me to thank me and to say it had changed his life. He said "It's not what the book says, or that it needs so many reads to learn or understand (although it does because it's quite deep....as deep as it can get) but because while he's reading it something happens to him. Everything in his life flows, he feels happy, he feels great, he feels that nothing is impossible and actually so many wonderful things that he wants seem to come his way. Dad has gone on to read this book around 15 times.
Fifteen times is quite a lot, but it's nothing in relation to a good friend who read it around 55 times in one year. The book ends where it starts and starts where it ends and one can get on a roll. And life rolls on rather well at the same time. It can change how we feel, how we think and so, how we perceive life. And when we perceive life differently, life changes to match how we perceive it.
I'm reminded of this book today and I don't know why. I haven't read it for around a year now, but this book, tired and tatty as it is, has lain in my case that I bring to work every day. It sits beside my diary. beside my mid-morning snack. It's there, not read, but not forgotten.
I am reminded of this book today for reasons that elude me, but as I listen to my thoughts and take note of what my subconscious tells me, it's probably time I turned those pages again. I don't need to know why I am reminded of it. I just need to notice that I am, and to respond to this cue.
It's to do with belief. Bach's book is about belief. When we believe that something can be the case, then it often is. manifesting by thought may take more than one little thought; it may take a few or quite a lot. But be sure that every time we think, something is being stimulated or energised somewhere in the world.
What we think is what we get, as thinking is energy and we and the Universe is all made up of energy. It's what binds us all together, Energy attracts. It's energy that makes everything happen in the world and everything exist. Nothing exists without energy....particles are bound together by electromagnetic forces. Our thoughts are electrical impulses too and by every thought, we are sending out impulses into the world around us. Every thought has magnetic attraction. Thinking manifests. It's the Law of Attraction. Whatever we think, we are attracting towards us circumstances that will provide the emotion linked to our thoughts. It's an exact match. Doubts and worries attract situations to fulfil our thoughts.....more worries. Joy and excitement about anything will attract the circumstances to provide that experience. Hoping and wishing for things do not work as these emotions come from a position of 'lack' so we attract more 'lack'. We attract more of 'not having'. Believing and generating the emotion that we will have when we get the object of our desires, such as excitement, joy, relief, contentment, satisfaction, create such a strong magnetic pull that they attract the circumstances to provide those emotions. We get what we think.
The thing that tells you whether you are attracting what you want or what you don't want is your emotions. Your emotions are your barometer. If you're feeling good, happy, positive, loving, excited, content, calm, relaxed and generally good then you're attracting what you do want. if you're feeling down, fed up, anxious, worried, depressed, irritated, angry, jealous, spiteful or other negative emotion, then you're attracting situations into your life that will give you more of the same emotion. Like attracts like. What you think is what you get.
If you're wondering why there's a blue feather on this blog, you'll have to read Illusions. For me, it's a reminder to think of what I do want and and more of what I really do want, then more of what I want. But to do so with the emotion that I already have it.
This is going to be a good weekend.
See you on Monday.
:-)
Juggling the demands of life
November 1, 2006
How many balls do you keep in the air? When you're focusing on one project are you also managing to not let the other important things in life slip? When we're busy and occupied with something that's either creative, demanding or stressful, it's often the case that some other important aspects of life get forgotten and fall by the wayside, and it's only after a while that we notice that they are not as they should be. It's "Hey", "Whoops", "Help!" or at worst xxxx!!
For me, it's keeping my Alexander Technique practice going, but I also write blogs and books, play the violin as well as doing photography either with my cameras or in the darkroom. Somewhere in between all these things are family and social commitments and particularly companionship for my partner who's not sure whether she's a photography widow, a violinist's widow or other.
When we are very wrapped up in thought and involved with one project or activity that takes our whole mind and energy for a while, other things in life do not get the same amount of focus. How can they? And where our thoughts are, is what we get in life. "Where you look is where you go." I certainly have found, for instance, if I've been under pressure to finish a book for a date set my agent or publisher then the demands on time and energy are such that my Alexander Technique practice, important as it is, takes second place for a while. And if it wasn't for my clients phoning up to make appointments, I would forget what day it was.....or almost. After a while I may find that my diary is only half full, but the bills still have to be paid!
However on discussing this today with someone who found that the mansion and estate he had bought, had a previous planning precedent for rebuilding and the extra space and new design was much as he wanted to do himself; the estimated valuation was a 50% increase over price paid+build cost. He could get what he wanted in lifestyle and house as well as make a good investment. This is all along with his hectic business life and equestrian successes in the arena. Where he puts his heart and emotions, he gets results. So we were discussing 'where the heart is, the Universe will provide'. Where there is passion and emotion for something, even if we don't have a lot of time to put into it, we will get results. I have found this to be the case so often in my own life.
Who says that we need to put a lot of time into projects to make everything work? There is no written law as far as I know. But if we create emotion around something, the Law of Attraction is such that we will attract towards us the circumstances to fulfil our needs and desires. Indeed there is no written law that says 'in order to be successful we need to work very hard'. But because we are brought up to believe this, indoctrinated from birth, that is therefore how we experience life. However, if we were to believe that we need not work hard in order to be successful, and as long as we have the desire and emotion to achieve, we will do so with the level of work that we are prepared to give it! Parkinson's Law "Work expands to fill the time allotted to it." can be adapted to fit this situation too. "The amount of work required to be successful will match that which we believe to be the case."
So I put passion into my AT practice and also into my violin playing and photography. I allocate some time
to each so they have place in my life. It's not a lot of time but some and with my good intentions and wishes it seems that a natural balance is brought about and I get what I want.
The art of keeping the 'balls of life' in the air I believe, is to 'see' them all working out as you wish in your mind's eye. Emotionally 'live it' now. See your life as you would ideally have it. Get excited about how wonderful it can all be and let the Universe work it all out for you. It is my belief that if we believe it will work out, it will. If we say this is all nonsense and I don't believe it, then that is the way we will experience it. It's the Law of Attraction. You get what you think about. So it's wise to carefully select our thoughts.
:-)
Being High Calibre
October 26, 2006Most of us have the potential for greater achievement in business and to enjoy a higher income. It is likely that you have untapped abilities not yet realized and that even more personal success is just waiting to be achieved. My belief in this has come about from my own personal experience of working with hundreds of people who have improved their ability to cope with stress and developed a high calibre demeanour.
This human machine that we call ‘us’ is so sophisticated that we can call up reserves of power and stamina to see us through the most difficult of situations almost at a moment’s notice. Yet it would be harmful if not dangerous to rely on such reserves full-time in order to perform well on a daily basis. To do so would undoubtedly weaken us and eventually cause sickness.
But wouldn’t it be wonderful if your ‘normal’ state and performance ability was able to be moved up several notches so that you could cope more comfortably and successfully no matter how difficult or stressful the situation may be? Water off a duck’s back! Superhuman! Well, you can achieve this, we all can.
You need to attend to two major influences that affect your performance and one is the mental ‘attitude’ and self perception that ‘tells’ you what you believe is possible based on your past experiences of success and failure. To change your self perception and the way you think will have an enormous effect on everything you do. The second is how efficiently your body and mind is working as a unified whole; you require psycho-physical unity, the subtle and sophisticated co-ordination of your whole being. This comes down to improving your posture, making sure you're breathing well to get essential oxygen into your body and brain. It's the quality that is achieved by using the Alexander Technique, which I have discussed many times here.
Visualise yourself
Close your eyes for a moment and picture meeting someone who carries themselves with an elegant, upright poise, who moves smoothly and unhurriedly, who looks you in the eye and talks clearly with resonance and gives you a relaxed disarming smile. They are open across their chest and they do not cross their arms or legs to subconsciously protect themselves. Their hands are relaxed and open too. In your mind’s eye observe their confidence and calmness. Do they seem in charge of their situation and do they appear trustworthy? Do they look strong yet relaxed and worthy of a high pay cheque? Of course they do. Now put yourself into this picture. See your own face in front of you. If this is where you aspire to be, then this is where you can be. Because you can be the way you want. It’s your choice. 'What you think is what you get'.
Exercise – Visualisation
Visualisation techniques are often used by sports people to break records and achieve new levels of performance. We can use them to help us perform better in business or any other situation.
Give yourself time to regularly visualize yourself behaving and performing at meetings or any situation in the way that you would ideally like. You can do this anywhere; sitting at home in a comfortable chair, or in the bath, on the train, in a waiting room, or a taxi. Allow 5-10 minutes.
Close your eyes and visualize yourself performing the role of your choice in the manner you would ideally like. You may choose to visualize yourself dancing Tango superbly well at a club, participating in a meeting or presenting to a large group of people where you have the audience’s complete attention and you are speaking to them clearly, calmly with relaxed authority. If you are presenting, see yourself speaking unhurriedly and with one hundred percent confidence. You are standing freely with tall, broad stature. You are relaxed inside enjoying yourself and feeling completely secure. You can visualize yourself on that important date, getting the job, acting on film, being beautiful and relaxed.
Using this form of visualization technique to improve your poise will be most effective if you are taking practical steps to improve it, such as with the Alexander Technique or another method.
Natural confidence
We’re not interested in ‘putting on’ a pretence that creates an illusion of high caliber. We’re not dealing with acting here. This is about being the person you have always wanted to be. There are many courses that can help with presentation skills, negotiating and how to read body language etc., but this is not what I’m talking about. I am interested in how you can find your true calm, confidence…… the real you. So that you can be naturally at ease at all times and have the confidence to do the things in life that you really want to do. This quality can only be discovered by ridding yourself of the learnt habits that are interfering with your natural, healthy posture. We have an instinct from birth for healthy natural poise, and this is what we need to revive and it can be done so remarkably simply. When you are truly balanced, well coordinated, free in your joints and breathing fully the qualities we have described will be yours without any pretence. After all, we are all meant to be this way….naturally.
In order to achieve these qualities we must ensure that we are in good balance, released in our muscles throughout our body rather than tensing, lengthening and widening rather than stooping and not interfering with our breathing. This is how our body functions best. This is how we can help ourselves perform to our best. This is how we can earn more money, be healthier and be a shining star of excellence at whatever we do.
Noise, problems and finding our own Quiet inside
October 24, 2006
The banging has stopped, no clanging of metal, no shouting of "Hey", "Right" "Pass it here", "Hang on". The scaffolders outside our offices have a momentary pause in assembling the structure that will obliterate the view from the window of my Alexander Technique practice for the next few months of 'essential refurbishment work'. It's raining again so all is quiet, apart from the pitter-patter of rain drops that have no hurry or haste about them, and bring a sense of peace that is probably only surpassed by falling snow. A few months from now and we'll see if Britain's new monsoon season gives way to traditional weather. As one of my clients said, "On the continent they have 'climates' but in the UK we have 'weather'!" And don't we just!
So in this momentary pause in external noise we find peace in central London, where traffic noise does not penetrate the areas behind buildings, and it is not yet 9.00am. So a rare silence hangs in the air and I think how wonderful such a natural experience is? How gloriously precious a bit of peace and quiet can be. When familiar noise abates and we discover the 'lack of noise', it is almost something in itself. 'No noise' is not a vacuum of nothingness, but almost an entity we can grasp, the platform on which selective sound can be presented, listened to, enjoyed and appreciated. 'No noise' is a worthy commodity that we should all have, as nature would have intended. it brings peace to the soul. It is our birthright, and for all of us to rediscover.
But on reflection, noise is all (mostly) on the outside of us. We are not aware of our own internal bodily sounds of heart beating, breathing and digestion, so any noise that we do perceive is outside. And it is possible to find a silence within us, even with external noise pervading our environment. By 'stopping' and centring we can give ourselves a moment space to rediscover the quietness within. It's not about 'blocking out' other noise, but just ignoring it to focus on the peace within. It's heaven. The no-stress, calm and quietness that we can find if we stop and just listen without thinking of other things can be an oasis of tranquility, an island to find sanctuary, a place that's private, safe, secure and unpenetrated by external, unwanted stimuli. We all have this place within, if we choose to discover it. Stopping to give ourselves this time and opportunity to experience our inner quiet can help us cope with life.
Dealing with problems can be a similar thing. Most of us have to deal with difficult situations during the day and usually these are outwith our own bodies. But it is so easy to internalise these problems so they affect us, causing us to stiffen up, tense our necks, hold our breath, interfere with digestion and cause stress. The problem that was outside of us has managed to infiltrate our system and now we're feeling it inside. But that late report, damaged goods, staff problem, blocked drain, cancelled train, aggressive boss are all outside of us still. For me, I had a good breakfast this morning, thank you. I slept well, my back feels good, I had a lovely shower this morning and hey, I'm feeling good. Now let's deal with the problem, or let's deal with this opportunity that dresses itself like a problem. But let's keep it well and truly on the desk or outside and not let it inside. Thank you.
It's good to stop, centre ourselves, make sure we're breathing, have a glass of water and remember, we're fine. It's quiet inside here. Those problems are not inside me, but outside and that is where they stay. As I'm well, fed and rested, I'm in a pretty good state to do a good job on them. But if I let them 'inside of me', I'll not be able to cope as well.
It's good to remember who we are.......and I'm having a good, fun, quiet day, thank you very much, dispite the clanging noises that have just begun again. I hope you do too.
:-)
Good day or bad day, progress is helpful
October 23, 2006I've often heard it said during Alexander Technique lessons that they don't think today is a good day for them to have a session because they won't be very good at it. They may be feeling rather stiff for some reason or they are tired or too stressed. They don't think that they will be able to be as free and loose as they could be or that they are out of practice.
It's an interesting point of view and understandable in some ways, as we like to be good at something, and don't wish to demonstrate either to ourselves or others that we are not at our best and less than a shining example of excellence. But on the other hand we can clearly see that under such circumstances, today could be an ideal day for a session, to help restore some more balance and equilibrium into our life, to calm us down and make life better.
Much as we may wish to be perfect, none of us are likely to reach perfection. I certainly won't. As I have written a book titled 'Perfect Poise, Perfect Life', you would be excused for questioning my view. But I see perfection as something to work towards, even if it is unlikely to be attained. The Alexander Technique helps make life better than it would be without it. Things are either better or worse, not perfect or imperfect. There is an infinite range of in between levels that we moving through, forwards or backwards. Backwards isn't normally helpful except to observe what happens and see how we can improve. Forwards is enhancement, even on minuscule levels.
No matter how bad we may feel, improvement is a forward enhancement of our situation. Even if we are handicapped in some way, it is quite likely that we can make life better by improving balance and poise so we can use what we do have, better.
I was doing some decorating over the weekend, thinking it's a small job and I can rattle it off in a day, or so I thought a week ago when I started it, and four days later of weekend work, we finally got it done last night, or almost. Gone are the days of zapping a task and completing a full decoration in a 10 hour whirlwind. Age progresses. In hind sight we should have got someone to do it for us, but on the other hand, I got the experience and joy of satisfactorily completing it and now it looks great. So I'm feeling a bit stiff after using muscles that don't normally get used so much. And the Alexander Technique comes in pretty handy to make life better. I make myself freer by 'thinking' my neck and shoulders to free up and to release my legs as I walk. The sense of stiffness is evaporating, but still there. And the extra work I'm doing on myself will make the sessions I give today even better. So we can work at making a situation better than it would be without it. If someone comes in with a blinding hang-over, we work at making it a better day than it would otherwise have been.
Progress on a good day is great. Progress on a bad day is.......great. On the not-so-good-day, we make it better and on the feeling-great-day, we make it better still. The good days are enhanced by the work done on the not-so-good-days. This approach applies to anything, including my violin playing. Sometimes I feel that I can't play a single note in tune and it sounds like a tortured cat, but on other days, I can pick the instrument up and it feels like it's coming on wonderfully.
All progress, even from a difficult beginning and on a terrible day can be helpful. If we are applying ourselves, thinking about what we do, changing 'what is' towards what we envisage, it is all helpful progress. However it must be said that mindless repetition or practice when we are not performing well only ingrains the bad co-ordination. So we must take care. But if we are mindful of what we do, and actually think our way forward, we can make helpful progress.
Progress on a bad day, is just as helpful and rewarding as on a good day, and will contribute to our overall situation or performance in the longer term.
Have a good day.
:-)
Strongest Dad in the World
October 20, 2006
I want to share this very moving story with you. If ever we felt that we can't do something, this inspires a rethink. CAN.
(Read this and then watch the video. The link is at the end)
Strongest Dad in the World
[From Sports Illustrated, By Rick Reilly]
I try to be a good father. Give my kids mulligans. Work nights to
pay for their text messaging. Take them to swimsuit shoots. But
compared with Dick Hoyt, I suck.
Eighty-five times he's pushed his disabled son, Rick, 26.2 miles in
marathons. Eight times he's not only pushed him 26.2 miles in a
wheelchair but also towed him 2.4 miles in a dinghy while swimming
and pedaled him 112 miles in a seat on the handlebars--all in the
same day.
Dick's also pulled him cross-country skiing, taken him on his back
mountain climbing and once hauled him across the
U.S. on a bike. Makes taking your son bowling look a little lame, right?
And what has Rick done for his father? Not much--except save his life.
This love story began in Winchester , Mass. 43 years ago, when
Rick was strangled by the umbilical cord during birth, leaving him
brain-damaged and unable to control his limbs.
``He'll be a vegetable the rest of his life;'' Dick says doctors
told him and his wife, Judy, when Rick was nine months old. ``Put
him in an institution.''
But the Hoyts weren't buying it. They noticed the way Rick's eyes
followed them around the room. When Rick was 11 they took him to the
engineering department at Tufts University and asked if there was
anything to help the boy communicate. ``No way,'' Dick says he was
told. ``There's nothing going on in his brain.''
"Tell him a joke,'' Dick countered. They did. Rick laughed. Turns
out a lot was going on in his brain.
Rigged up with a computer that allowed him to control the cursor by
touching a switch with the side of his head, Rick was finally able
to communicate. First words? ``Go Bruins!'' And after a high school
classmate was paralyzed in an accident and the school organized a
charity run for him, Rick pecked out, ``Dad, I want to do that.''
Yeah, right. How was Dick, a self-described ``porker'' who never ran
more than a mile at a time, going to push his son five miles? Still,
he tried. ``Then it was me who was handicapped,'' Dick says. ``I was
sore for two weeks.''
That day changed Rick's life. ``Dad,'' he typed, ``when we were
running, it felt like I wasn't disabled anymore!''
And that sentence changed Dick's life. He became obsessed with
giving Rick that feeling as often as he could. He got into such
hard-belly shape that he and Rick were ready to try the 1979 Boston
Marathon .
"No way,'' Dick was told by a race official. The Hoyts weren't
quite a single runner, and they weren't quite a wheelchair
competitor. For a few years Dick and Rick just joined the massive
field and ran anyway, then they found a way to get into the race
officially: In 1983 they ran another marathon so fast they made the
qualifying time for Boston the following year.
Then somebody said, ``Hey, Dick, why not a triathlon?''
How's a guy who never learned to swim and hadn't ridden a bike since
he was six going to haul his 110-pound kid through a triathlon?
Still, Dick tried.
Now they've done 212 triathlons, including four grueling 15-hour
Ironmans in Hawaii . It must be a buzzkill to be a 25-year-old stud
getting passed by an old guy towing a grown man in a dinghy, don't
you think?
Hey, Dick, why not see how you'd do on your own? ``No way,'' he
says. Dick does it purely for "the awesome feeling'' he gets seeing
Rick with a cantaloupe smile as they run, swim and ride together.
This year, at ages 65 and 43, Dick and Rick finished their 24th
Boston Marathon , in 5,083rd place out of more than 20,000 starters.
Their best time'? Two hours, 40 minutes in 1992--only 35 minutes off
the world record, which, in case you don't keep track of these
things, happens to be held by a guy who was not pushing another man
in a wheelchair at the time.
"No question about it,'' Rick types. ``My dad is the Father of the
Century.''
And Dick got something else out of all this too. Two years ago he
had a mild heart attack during a race. Doctors found that one of
his arteries was 95% clogged. "If you hadn't been in such great
shape,'' one doctor told him, "you probably would've died 15 years
ago.''
So, in a way, Dick and Rick saved each other's life.
Rick, who has his own apartment (he gets home care) and works in
Boston , and Dick, retired from the military and living in Holland,
Mass., always find ways to be together. They give speeches around
the country and compete in some backbreaking race every weekend,
including this Father's Day.
That night, Rick will buy his dad dinner, but the thing he really
wants to give him is a gift he can never buy.
"The thing I'd most like,'' Rick types, ``is that my dad sit in the
chair and I push him once.''
This is their website.
http://www.teamhoyt.com/
There is a means of supporting them.
Thanks Terry. http://www.227company.com
So who is making progress?
October 13, 2006My first client this morning at 7.15am asked me if I thought he had made any progress over the 4 weeks he has been having Alexander Technique lessons. Although one might think that his new upright stature, standing over an inch taller than he did a month ago and ease of movement would be obvious, it is also completely understandable that such changes are not so evident to him. An extremely fit and athletic person, dark haired and cutting a figure more like James Bond every day, he is probably less aware of his progress than one might expect.
Such changes to physique, balance, co-ordination and stature come over a period of weeks, gradually being integrated into our system. It is not over-night, but nor is it over years. As we all 'live with ourselves' on a daily basis and where change is gradual, we do not notice our development. Like the dawn of a new day takes a couple of hours, to watch, minute by minute the change in light levels is almost imperceptible, but to look out at 6.00am and again later at 7.00am we can see a definite change.
An other aspect to this is the fact that we 'normalise' new things very quickly. What may feel new, walking more freely, taller and breathing better after a session, we soon get used to this new feeling. Although some of the benefits of the session will slip away, we retain a good proportion and this becomes integrated into our system. During a session we may take a few steps forward in terms of progress, but afterwards we always slip back one or two steps, but retain some long-term. And it is this residue of benefit that stays with us that we build on next session. It's three or four steps forward then back one or two. A progress graph would show ups and downs, but the overall trend is likely to be upwards over time.
My client walked into my practice this morning feeling 'normal'. He did so a few weeks ago.....feeling 'normal'. But his level of normal has gone up several notches over these weeks. He has integrated many positive changes to his 'self'; changes far greater than can be achieved over-night. If he sees someone who he hasn't met for a few weeks, then they are likely to see quite a difference in him whereas someone who sees him every day may not notice so much.
Another aspect of this is that the quality of poise, the freedom, upright expansive stature and ease of movement he is getting is completely natural.....as nature would have us if we were free of the postural habits that interfere with our well-being. So it's bound to feel 'natural' quite quickly, although the new quality may be quite dramatically different from his old posture. He is re-learning it, having once enjoyed it as a young child.
Sometimes I wish I had a 'before and after' graph or photo. Many people have suggested this. But to be honest, progress is not always so evident on the outside. Many benefits are not so easily measured, although specialists in various specific fields may produce evidence. X-rays may show reduction in spinal twists and strenth of breath may be measured to show an improvement of improve by 30-40%. But I have also seen women who have not managed to conceive after two years of trying, now falling pregnant, and others whose menstrual cycle has been so erratic or non-existent, start menstruating regularly every month, and acidity and indigestion become a thing of the past, greater calmness and confidence, a lower golfing handicap, more professional demeanour and ability to cope better with stress, and migraine headaches become less frequent or non-existent, It is even been known for breast size to increase or shape be to be enhanced (although I do not get involved with this in any way, but it is what some clients have reported back to me!!) and I know one man who had been mostly bald to grow his hair back. This man was my own very first teacher of the Alexander Technique in 1972.
While some benefits may be obvious, others may be less evident. I'm not equipped to test every situation for befores and afters. Specialists in other fields may be able to measure this. As a teacher of the Alexander Technique I restrict my work and interest to what I do best and let others do theirs. But if someone has had backache or knee ache or a stiff neck, I sometimes need to remind them how they were. " Do you think I've made progress since I've been coming to see you?" I may reply "How's your back feeling?" "Oh, that's all right now." "No pain?" "No, none at all." So who's made progress?
Isn't it amazing how we can get a salary increase at work that makes us jump for joy, but only a month later we are looking for a bit more? We get used to improvement in lifestyle or quality of life so easily and quickly. It's the same with so many things. When we remember how things used to be, we are right to smile.
:-)
Enhancing your life
October 10, 2006If you feel that you are being dogged by misfortune and things at home, work or socially are not going your way, it may be appropriate to review what are you thinking about? If these are your experiences, then it's fairly certain that you are also thinking about them.
But we know that 'what we think about manifests', 'Thoughts become Things', so by thinking about our problems and how bad it's all going and the debt, or the trouble with so-and-so and....and....., we are manifesting more of the same. It's the Law of Attraction. Our thoughts are always attracting.
Also, if we are thinking how we want to have something, this type of thought and wish is coming from a place of wanting or 'lack' so we attract more of the same.....lack. We will continue to experience a lack of what we want.
Everything we are experiencing is the result of past thoughts and feelings. We are living retrospectively. We are the product of yesterday's thoughts and actions. And by continuing to think about what we have got and what we are experiencing, we are manifesting more of the same. We are thinking about what 'is'. And if we think about what 'is' we attract more of what 'is'. But if what 'is' is not what we ideally want, we are treading the same old path and experiencing the same old troubles in our life.
The answer is to not think about what 'is', but to think about what we do want. Our thoughts, feelings and actions are what brings tomorrow's experiences. If you don't like the radio programme you change the channel. It's the same in your life. Change what you're thinking and you change your life.
Now this approach may bring up the question "If we are to constantly think of what we want rather than what 'is', are we denying reality and not living in the present?" Well not really. Because we can accept where we are for today, this is real and it's happening, but we don't need to dwell on it. Where we are today is where we move forward from. Today is the platform from which we take the next step into the next hour and tomorrow and next week. But if we are thinking of the same thing that we experience right now, we are manifesting more of the same and we don't go anywhere. We need to think about where we want to be.
Don't worry how you are going to get from here to your ideal situation. You only need to think of what you really want. We need to trust in the Universe. What you think is what you will attract. It's the Law of Attraction.
Everything in our lives is there because we have attracted it. This may not be a happy scenario for us to accept if we are to understand that we have attracted our problems. But we have. The Law of Attraction is working all the time, whether we believe it or not. We may not understand 'how' it works, but this won't stop it from working. It works for every single one of us whether we are aware of it or not. Don't worry about not understanding it. A motor car will take us from A to B, but we don't need to know how the engine works in order to drive it.
If you are not sure if you are attracting what you do want, ask yourself how do you feel? If you are feeling positive, happy, loving, hopeful, excited, content, you are attracting positive things. If you are feeling down, sad, angry, irritated, worried you are attracting more of the same. We are always attracting. You can change your mood by thinking of what we are grateful for. Gratitude for simple things in our lives can shift our emotions and so we attract more of what we want. Posture affects your motions too so making improvements with this can help. Think tall and free and don't forget to breathe.
Think of what you do want and not what 'is'. Generate emotion around it, get excited, thrilled, full of joy as you would be if you had it, as this emotion energises your wishes even more. Get those feelings inside of you that you know you would experience when your dreams come true. You need to feel it and see it as though you have it right now. Don't 'want' it as the emotion behind this is a 'lack'. You won't get it that way. Think of it as though it's real right now. Get excited and feel that good feeling which you'll have when you get it. Experience it now. And as 'Like attracts like', the Universe will bring about the circumstances to provide those emotions in you. What manifests from your thoughts and emotions is an exact match.
So if you're feeling that things are not going your way, change your thinking. Don't focus on what you don't want, but get excited about what you really do want. Today's thoughts and emotions are what will make tomorrow's experiences. It may not be over night, or even next week. But continue with those same uplifting thoughts and be sure that something in the world is manifesting as a result of every single thought .....it just hasn't got to you yet. But it will, if you continue to focus on what you really do want, rather than what 'is'.
:-)
Attitude
September 26, 2006
James Dean
It's always a pleasure and a delight to see a young person interested in helping their posture as a means of them making the most of themselves. In some ways, it's harder for them than when we're older because there are not only the 'usual' reasons for postural problems, there is also 'attitude'.
We develop postural habits from as young as four or five years old, copying parents, pop stars, friends, film actors, as well as getting stressed. The combined effect is a deterioration in our co-ordination and along with it, postural discomfort, a reduction in our abilities to perform in activities such as sport or music and a loss of stature and even our sense of self worth.
Along with these influences, we also have the current trend of 'hanging out', being 'chilled' to the point we are actively and determinedly collapsing our stature and poise to look 'cool'. James Dean has a lot to answer for! So when a young person comes for an Alexander Technique lesson and is considering a short course to put things right, then I am delighted, as I was this morning.
Some people, not only develop postural tendencies without their awareness, but actively cultivate an outward appearance or manner that they feel helps give them an identity. Another current popular attitude of many young people is to feign a lack of interest with everything. But are they really as uninterested as they would have us believe, or just play acting? If we look closer, we may see that they are also suffering from a loss of balance and natural poise. In some cases they have purposely disengaged their supportive muscles to create their chosen slouch and ‘don’t care’ identity. Many are hiding behind a mask of contrived persona that has no relation to the real person underneath, possibly to simply compensate for a lack of self worth. However, if they were truly coordinated, balanced and centred, they would feel so much more confident in themselves. They would feel more secure in their true personality and abilities, and have no need for such contrivance.
How nice it is to see someone who doesn't appear to be carrying the weight of the world on their shoulders, standing tall, relaxed and free. When we collapse down in to the slouch, not only do we appear emotionally 'down' we probably feel it. Check out Peanuts for some wisdom! But if we are 'going up' with relaxed tall stature, we feel more secure, exude more confidence, we start to feel 'up', and there is a damn good chance that things start to go our way.
Loving every minute....
September 20, 2006I received a lovely email from my 80 year old Dad this morning. He's been re-reading Creative Visualisation by Shakti Gawain having previously done so several times over the last few years. He says "I still feel that I'm just at the beginning of this subject, there's so much to it!"
It makes me feel really proud to have a Dad who is so positively 'into life', happy in his activities and using creative visualisation techniques to manifest what is in his heart. He enjoys the moment and he also looks forward to new things. He loves change. How many older people love change?
Having been a professional flutist in the Scottish National Orchestra (now the Royal) he says that he's getting a better sound now from his instrument than he ever did in his whole working career. I've written before about Dad and his visualisation technique to help him achieve a wonderful ethereal sound.
Now Dad is surfing the Internet and uploading photos from his digital camera. But his main hobby is building a model opera house on which his puppets perform Verdi and Puccini. It's magical when the curtain goes up and the stage is set for the attic scene in La Boheme. The moonlight shines through the skylight as Rudolfo and Mimi, searching for the dropped ring under the table, touch hands and fall in love with one of the most beautiful arias in opera. His three inch high puppets, walk, bend, raise arms in gesture and can dance. Model opera is a hobby he's had since he was seven and has built several opera houses of varying sizes over the years, given live performances to various groups as well as appearing on TV. So in between designing, constructing and performing opera, he plays the flute and uses the Alexander Technique to help his posture, balance and general health.
With so much to look forward to and so many enjoyable things to do each day he's always on 'the up', thinking positive and being happy.
Good on you, Dad! :-)
Time for lunch?
September 19, 2006
When responsibility to oneself is put second to the belief that something else is more important, then we are most certainly on a slippery slope. Don't get me wrong, I'm not suggesting that we should concider ourselves more important than other people. Far from it. Indeed, someone else's well-being, health and care, along with commitment our work can mean the world to us.
There are many calls on our time, our attention, to our job, home, dependents and if we allowed, far more than we could possibly fit in to any one day or life. But while you are attending to everything and everyone else, who is looking after YOU? There is only one person who can really look after you and that is YOURSELF. Unless we are invalided, handicapped, dependent in some way and we are 'in the care' of someone or the hospital, there will be no-one looking after us. Who can make sure we are properly fed, rested, hydrated or cleansed other than ourselves? It is up to us. If we don't look after our own health and wellbeing, then we suffer along with reduced levels of happiness and ability to think clearly, calmly and be effective. If we don't look after ourselves, no one else will and we will not be in a condition to do our job properly or attend to the needs of others, as we would like. In order to help others and be in a condition to do so long-term, we need to look after the one who is doing the work.
Looking after ourselves first, does not mean that we are selfish other than we are attending to the needs of the SELF. By doing so we can attend to the needs of others better and bring our best to the task or occupation. We increase our value to others, by ensuring we are in our best condition to do the job.
So it is with alarm that a recent survey shows a whopping 76% of workers in the UK feel that they can't get away from work for lunch because they are "simply too busy". More than half say they regularly eat lunch at their desk with over a quarter doing work at the same time. Almost half of Britain's workers admit to regularly not taking a full lunch break despite nine out of ten saying it would make them feel more positive and refreshed for the afternoon ahead. These are the results of a survey conducted by Powergen, as published in the Institution of Engineering & Technology Careers Magazine. More than 800 workers in 10 cities were interviewed.
As TUC general secretary Brendan Barber said: "It's not possible to concentrate or be creative for long periods of time without taking decent breaks and time spent out of the workplace provides the perfect opportunity for staff to recharge their batteries. Employees who feel unable to get away from their desks are not going to be a company's most positive asset."
Because we may think or believe that we cannot get away from our desk we are fulfilling our own prophesy. What we think is what we get. But I'd wager that if we just do take a proper break and go out for a lunch and breath of fresh air, the job will get done just the same.....and possibly better in some cases. When we are rested, nourished and had a change of pace and environment we will be more productive, clearer headed and more effective.
NASA the space agency conducted experiments with astronauts and pilots with regards to the benefits of a short nap after lunch. They found that by doing so, productivity can increase by up to 33% and alertness by 54%. Their results and my own experiences motivated me to set up the UK's first National Siesta Day on 28 June this year.
By taking care of our own health and well-being and by having a proper break we treat ourselves with respect and integrity. We satisfy our own bodily needs and we are more likely to feel good about ourselves. It filters through to everything we do. We will get more out of our life, and also be in a position to give more, to help others with theirs.
Behind the mask?
September 18, 2006One of my clients today was saying what a good summer she's had, cycling in France, rafting down rivers and walking. She's always so happy, positive, accepting and enthusiastic one wonders what she's 'on'. The answer to that is that she's on 'life'. It doesn't matter, as she says, whether she is out doing 'exciting' things, visiting a museum, or cleaning her house, doing ironing or tasks that we could label as 'chores', she is having a good time.
She takes pleasure in doing a good job and has contentment in the 'moment' whatever is her occupation. Her pleasure is in her mind and not in her task. She makes her choice how she perceives her employment, and always chooses to be.......happy and content.
True, walking, cycling through France and rafting sound far more fun than chores, and of course, variety is 'the spice of life'. But what is always wonderful to see, when she walks in through my door, is her happy smile, her forgiving nature of the train delays that made her late, her lack of money, her ailing dog, the acceptance of what she can't change and her positive outlook to what she can.
Without knowing her, one may think that she may be suppressing emotion, blocking what's 'real'. But I can assure you, from what I know of her over the last few years, her spirit is true. If you asked what's behind this mask of forgiveness, contentment and happiness? I think you'll find a truly forgiving, content and happy person. I learn a lot from her.
:-)
Gratitude brings rewards
September 11, 2006
When the going's tough, the bills are unexpectedly high, when the dog pees on the floor and makes you miss your train, the lift is out of service at work and you spill your coffee down your freshly ironed shirt it's difficult to keep spirits high, be happy and stay positive. Yet we know that being positive is important if we want to attract the right things into our life. 'What we think is what we get', and if we're being negative, then negativity is what we are attracting. But it can be so difficult sometimes to snap out of it.
In our Universe, like attracts like. It is the Law of Attraction. If we think of problems, these are what we attract towards us. However, if we think of solutions and wonderful things, then these are what we attract towards us. Thinking manifests.
The 'barometer' that tells you whether your energy is attracting what you want towards you, or attracting more problems, is your feelings. How you feel tells you what you are attracting. If you're feeling good and happy, then the energy you are giving off is positive and you will attract more things towards you that make you feel good and happy. But if you are feeling frustrated, down-at-heart, angry, fed up with the world, self-pity, or 'what's the use', then the Law of Attraction means more of the same is being attracted to you.
But with a fresh coffee stain on your shirt, being late to work because of a missed train and an incontinent pet, and worry of unexpected bills, it can be hard to be positive. We're worrying about all our problems and because we're thinking of them, we will attract more of the same, and it's very difficult to break out of the cycle.
There is one sure way of helping us break out of the 'negative thinking' cycle. That is to think of all the things in your life for which you are grateful. A sense of GRATITUDE makes us feel good. Thinking of such wonderful things that we appreciate raises our energy levels, creates endorphins and puts a smile on our face. Despite the problems, (which we don't want to think of to ensure we don't attract more!) there are many fantastic things in our life, which we may well take for granted, but how would we be without them? Thinking of what we appreciate and for which we are grateful, makes us feel good. And as we feel good we attract more of what we want into our lives.
Give yourself a few moments to stop and think of some things in your life that are wonderful, and for which you are truly grateful. If you can't think of anything, start with some fundamentals. I am very grateful for having two eyes that can see relatively well, and two hands that allow me to play my violin. There are many people who do not. I am grateful for having a wonderful partner who loves me, for my Alexander Technique practice where I meet so many interesting people.
I am also grateful for the breakfast I had this morning and the banana in my bag which I will enjoy later. I'm grateful for the support I get from friends and family, for having had a good holiday, for my elderly motorcycle that keeps going despite its years, for the time to write this blog, the plant in the corner of my office that brings life and green into my workspace and for the Fluorite crystal that reflects and glistens under the lamp. I am grateful for my ability to earn money to pay for basic needs. (More might be helpful, but what I have is a better than less!) I am grateful for my mobile phone that helps me keep in touch and cope with delays and difficulties, the postman who delivers the mail and postcards from friends, my violin teacher who is helping me progress and improve in ability, to my parents who introduced me to the Alexander Technique at an early age so I could benefit throughout my life, to my publisher for putting my work into bookshops, my receptionist for doing such a great job, and .....and......and......I could go on. Having thought of these things while writing, I now feel pretty damned good! And feeling good is what attracts more of what you enjoy.....to make you feel good. The emotion is the trigger. When we are feeling positive, if we think of things we would like, our energy is even stronger to attract them. (New car, romantic relationship, career advancement, exotic holiday, romantic weekend away, more money, new wardrobe, more time-off to relax etc.)
Give yourself some time to think of what you are grateful for. Breathe. Enjoy your thoughts of gratitude. We all have an equal ability to be grateful for what we have. If we are being happy and thinking good thoughts, the Universe will provide more of the same. It is not discerning or discriminating. In the 'eyes' of the Universe we are all equal. It's just that some people have got the 'habit' of being positive and happy most of the time and these are the people who always seem to get what they want in life! Why? Because they are thinking about what they want, rather than the things they don't want.
Can today be a good day? It most certainly can be!! If you don't like the radio programme, change the channel.
Change your thinking and have a great time.
:-)
Pausing for thought
September 1, 2006
There is a piece of Fluorite in my office, sitting on top of a bookcase with a small lamp above and window to one side. The rock which is a dusky purple colour and about 12cm high is standing upright so the light can shine through it showing its structure. On close inspection it's got quite an amazing geometric arrangement, a cubic system of layers within. It almost seems like city skyscrapers with steps and ledges. You can look through it, layer upon layer. There are dark areas where it is dense, and it is almost translucent in others. It glows and looks at me as I sit at my desk. it's nice. It's more than nice. It's extraordinary.
It is also around 100 million years old. Formed naturally over time and comprises Calcium Fluoride, with small amounts of yttrium and cerium. Whatever they are. Apprarently it is also healing. Metaphysically it is said to promote clarity of mind, aid concentration, meditation and aid my ability to grasp higher concepts. It facilitates order, helps balance and is stabilizing. However I've still to experience this. It's called Polly. It didn't have a name before I started writing this blog, but it does now. Polly.
Its wonderful glowing and translucent appearance makes it look new, belying its actual age and I have to remind myself of what I'm looking at or holding when I pick it up. I get the sense it's wise. It is also humbling. It makes me realise my mortality and how precious life is. That I am only here for comparitivly such a short time. And I owe it to myself to make the most of it. This doesn't mean that I've got to rush out and do a hundred things in the day, visit every country on earth and write ten more books. It means appreciate life more generally, what's around me and what I have.
So stopping for a minute, to appreciate the beauty of this ancient stone, I give myself time to also reflect. There truly is calmness in the world. I'm looking at it within this translucent stone. It can also exist in me If I let it. As I stop, and through my appreciation of this stone my vibrations change and my senses seem to be on a higher level. The problems of today seem rather less significant and trivial. There is bigger stuff out there. There is big energy out there. And I am part of it. You are also part of it.
By stopping, we can give ourselves time to contemplate and gel more with the Universal Energy that surrounds us. It's calming, peaceful, healing and restorative. It is invigorating, enlivening, spiritual and everlasting. For my short time here, I think I'll endeavour to connect with this more often. It helps make life feel great.
Thank you Polly.
It's waiting to happen
August 29, 2006
Sometimes it seems that we can't see beyond what's in front of our nose. Sometimes life seems to be just the humdrum of activity and no chance of change around the corner. Sometimes we can't think what we should do about a situation. Sometimes we feel stuck and nothing is changing for us and how useless it all is. Sometimes we feel that we could just throw in the towel, run away, hide, and cancel life.
But then, how can we possibly know what's going to happen next, or how a solution can be found to our problem when all we can see is the situation from our own perspective? We are not in a position to see ourselves or our position from any other perspective, yet everyone in the world who knows us can see it differently from us.....because they are different from us......they are not us.
Nor can we possibly have any idea of the activities that are happening in the world that may well impact on us directly or indirectly? Millions of things are happening every nano-second that are impacting on other things, which in turn impact on others and so on, as the dominoes tumble over, the one down the line gets to hear about it.....and bingo! Then we think our good fortune just came 'out of the blue'. It's just we don't know of the other trillion things that happened before hand to make our own little piece of good luck a reality. All our 'good lucks' are happening right now, it's just that they haven't got to us yet!
Did you know, there is someone in your locality, who you don't actually know, doing something that is going to impact on you directly? Their deeds and intentions are manifesting around them, as yours are too.....around you. Things that you do are affecting others in ways they can't imagine. Career move? Interesting meeting of a kindred spirit? An opening and opportunity to make your name? A laugh? A raise? A change of fortune? A holiday? A chance encounter?
Also there may be other things going on that are less fortuitous......and we won't even think of them. Why? Because, 'what you think is what you get'.
'Thinking manifests', as I've written about many times before. Whatever is in your heart and what is going through your mind, you are energising them at the moment. So it's important to keep your thoughts on what you do want, and not on what you don't.
Sometimes, when we can't see the way forward, where we can't see the outcome, we just need to take one step. And as that step takes us to a new place, even only six inches, only a phone call, only a walk in some fresh air to clear our head, ......something is happening as a consequence of our actions. We only need to take one step for a whole chain of activities to be set in action. We will never see all the consequence of our actions down the line, as people we've never met and who we never will, become affected by 'our walk in fresh air'.
Whatever our step is, we do need to keep in mind what we do want.......as 'What we think is ......'. What we really want, is just waiting to happen. It just requires us to really believe that it can happen and take the first step.
Two good quotes from Mike Barker at Positive Quote of the Week
"Faith is to believe what you do not see; the reward of this faith is to see what you believe".
St. Augustine
"Take the first step in faith. You don't have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step."
Martin Luther King Jr.
I needed to remind my self of all this today, as it's not been an easy one. Indeed it's been difficult and I've felt myself being drawn into negative thinking. So.....swiftly changing tracks, changing my thoughts, and having had the opportunity to write about it, I'm already feeling a load more positive. I hope you are having a good day!
:-)
Is being stupid good?
August 23, 2006
Connoisseur by Michele R. Kennedy
So, is it better to be stupid and happy, or clever and sad? The answer to that may depend on your perspective.
While intelligence, intellect and depth of knowledge in a subject can provide for deep and rewarding experiences, they can also have their downside. It is certainly interesting to know how the Renaissance painter Raphael mixed his paints, the value of Lapis Lazuli and other raw ingredients and the techniques of application. So too, to have the sophisticated and analytical taste buds to distinguish every ingredient and all 9 species of fish in a traditional Bouillabaisse, or to detect the nuance and interplay of aromas in a still youthful and spectacular '82 bottle of Chateau Haut Brion Pessac-Lognan. A depth of knowledge and experience can lend to a greater appreciation of our indulgence and indeed of life.
Such sophisticated knowledge also gives us the ability to analyse and critique, to dissect, compare, judge and provide for in-depth discussion or comment. When the meal, wine, painting, dance, theatrical performance is of such high standard it can be rewarding and fulfilling on so many levels, but it can also be deeply disappointing when it falls short. Being able to see or detect when a wine is not truly balanced or when a stage interpretation has not matched the subtlety of the writer's meaning, or when a performance is lacking in depth or magic can lead to dissatisfaction, dismissal, rejection and disappointment.
This notion comes to mind after a particular experience I had at the London Proms a week ago. I had the good fortune to get last minute tickets for an all-Mozart concert at the Royal Albert Hall. The concert reportedly had been sold out for weeks, I called the ticket office several times in the hope of getting returns. On my third attempt I got some....in a box towards the front in the Grand Tier. I wanted good seats as the performers were violinist Maxim Vengerov and the youthful Verbier Festival Orchestra playing two violin concertos, a concertante with viola player Lawrence Power and a symphony. I have long admired Vengerov's playing, the sure and near faultless technique and his Heifetz-like bowing. Vengerov was also conducting this 'trainee orchestra' for young musicians after working with them intensely for two weeks in a kibbutz in Tel Aviv. He is now on tour with them before making a Mozart recording.
We enjoyed the performance immensely. Maybe there were occasions when they were not quite 'together', but in general, I felt it was a spirited performance and Vengerov played with anticipated excellence.
I was chatting with someone last week who knows many professional musicians and she told me that this performance had been highly criticised. Apparently it had been described by these musicians as being "awful, just terrible". I asked what was so bad about it but they hadn't elaborated on their judgment. It certainly didn't sound as though they had enjoyed the experience. Whereas I had had a lovely time. My knowledge and experience in music is very limited, but I come from a musical family, and am blessed with a little awareness; enough to help me get a lot out of a performance and appreciate it. However, I am not a critic or judge and wouldn't pretend to be so. I play my own violin to a very modest and beginner level, and listen to a lot of violin music which helps me learn.
So, where I came out of the Royal Albert Hall smiling and feeling fulfilled after an enjoyable performance, it seems that others were disappointed enough to be highly critical. Who had the most fun? Whose body was creating endorphins, feeling happy and gaining in health and well-being from the experience? I can't imagine the critics would be smiling. Clearly, either they heard far more imperfections than I did, or maybe there is some professional jealousy of which thankfully I am also free.
So which is better? Is it good to be stupid and happy, or clever and sad? Well, as one person pointed out to me, that lack of knowledge is not a sign of stupidity. And I agree. There are many people who have a great deal of lknowledge whose actions may be considered stupid. And someone who lacks knowledge can act very sensibly. They don't equate. So stupid is probably not the right word to use. But a lack of knowledge is often missinterpreted as such. So I use the word losely.
I would suggest that it is fine either way. It's fine to be unaware of many deep and intricate aspects of a performance, flavour, or work of art. It doesn't mean we don't enjoy them or appreciate some aspect, all be it on a more superficial level. It is also good to have an in-depth understanding as it can help provide for a rich and meaningful experience. But if a piece of music sounds heavenly to my stupid ears, and if it sounds lovely to a more expert set of ears too, then, lovely is .....well, just lovely.
We pick up on different things. I remember many years ago, going to the National Gallery with a friend who was an expert horse rider. She said she had not got any appreciation of art, but fancied going to the gallery for a day out. We entered a picture gallery that had on display a large number of equestrian paintings. I thought she may appreciate them and help with her experience with art. She looked at them, many being of horses ridden by cavalry and quickly commented she couldn't stay in here. I asked why not and she said that all the horses eyes looked frightened. I hadn't noticed this, personally being taken with the artists' masterful depiction of scenes, but these were overshadowed for my friend who only saw the emotion in the horses eyes. They resonated with her own experience. We left. We can all see different things in the same subject. It depends on the spectator's perspective. Neither is right or wrong, good or bad, better or worse.
But in my own simple way, I would rather be happy than sad and will do anything for my own upliftment and fulfillment. A little knowledge can be a good thing. A lot can be a good thing. And no knowledge can also be a good thing. We can view the same painting, hear the same music and taste the same meal, but each of us gets something different out of the experience. Which is better? None. They're all fine. And it's also good to feel that we're not lacking. How blessed I feel to have had an enjoyable experience when others did not.
:-)
Chasing the rainbow
August 18, 2006
When my computer failed to get a connection to the Internet this morning and I then spent an hour messing around with cables, phoning my ISP, de-installing and re-installing the modem software and eventually getting on-line, I was reminded of the the Norwich Union's slogan 'Normal is wonderful when you get it back'.
It's just a shame that 'normal' doesn't feel wonderful all the time, isn't it? .....as that would feel.......wonderful. But is it possible to feel 'wonderful' all the time? Surely after a while we get used to it and then we feel......well, normal?
How does it feel to get an increase in salary, beyond your expectations? Fantastic. We can then go out and enjoy ourselves, replace the car, go on holiday buy some clothes, or just pay the outstanding bills. After a few weeks, we are still receiving the improved pay-cheque, but does it still feel fantastic....or have we got used to it? This search for happiness can be like chasing a rainbow. It's elusive.
There is a lot of talk in press (and here on my blog) about how to find happiness, whether it's in purchasing new exciting things, seeking the perpetual external stimulus or whether it's to be found within if we look for it. But is it truly possible to be 'happy' all the time? Surely the sensation of happiness and knowing that we are happy is in comparison to how we 'normally' feel? Because if we are happy all the time, then we wouldn't recognise it as such and just feel.....normal. This may be experienced as 'contentment'.....possibly a notch up the happy scale from the mid-point.
But we are never completely happy or completely sad, and if we are, the high (or low) is usually temporary. If we remained at a low level of depression for any time we could become suicidal and end up in hospital. And sadly some people do experience this. But do they touch bottom or are the depths of emotion infinite? We don't go to hospital if we are chronically happy. The higher end of the depressed/ecstatic scale is what we search for.
So this 'Richter' scale of happiness has infinite variables, as night changes to day, as ice can melt and become steam, as silence can become deafening, or the lowest inaudible sound waves can change frequency upwards into our range of perception and then go higher beyond our hearing into infinity. But being human and having emotions, we tend not to remain constantly at any level. We vary from moment to moment.
Emotional states naturally vary enormously. In my practice for the Alexander Technique I work with people on their balance and co-ordination. Many who come initially can be physically quite off balance. They are either leaning, collapsing in stature, stooping or a combination of many other characteristics. Such habits affect the vast proportion of the world population to a greater or lesser degree. These habits tend to affect not only our posture and external appearance, but also our health and sense of well-being. With the Alexander Technique, we learn to let go of these unhelpful habits and restore 'natural' poise, as we had as young children. The quality is one of freedom and looseness, as well as becoming more upright, taller and broader to our full stature. We also become better balanced.
If we improve our balance and co-ordination so that we are more upright, and freer, we will also be breathing better and benefit from other improvements to our internal functioning.
As we become more physically balanced, we can also become more emotionally centred too.
It is not possible to be entirely secure in oneself if we are physically off balance, as the threat of falling over triggers our reflexes and we compensate by stiffening. This ultimately affects our functioning and sense of well-being.
If we are more emotionally centred, then any problems we encounter will be like 'water off a duck's back'. The problems don't affect us so greatly.
Being better physically balanced and possibly more emotionally centred as a consequence, means that we are less likely to fluctuate emotionally to the extremes of highs and lows. We maintain a more level, even-tempered emtional state. The swings away from calm centre are less pronounced and we can enjoy more of a level of contentment. But this then becomes our normal state of being. It may be a notch or two up on the happiness scale from the mid-point and then we experience variations up and down from there, depending on our day-to-day experiences.
So, can being 'happy' be something that we can feel all the time? I doubt it. But we can find a level that is more constantly pleasurable; a level of contentment. This can also come down to choice as I have written about before in The Happiness Formula
But having said all that, with regards to being back on-line this morning, 'normal does feel wonderful when you get it back'. And I'm able to write these over-long blogs.
I do hope you experience contentment in your day, today.
:-)
Ps, And as Jilly comments, it's good to acknowledge what we do have that we take for granted.....like running water! Noel.
....on the Bright Side of Life
August 17, 2006
In today’s modern society we calculate and rationalise so readily that it’s easy to see how our thinking becomes the dominant factor and our heart and intuitive processes get far less of a look in. However our whole mind and body works as an integrated mechanism and our senses and imagination should not be excluded as they are products of our whole.
If we mentally ignore our inner needs, then we have dissonance and a situation where we’re working against ourselves. The push and pull effect of conflicting emotions and thoughts, if I may separate them for a moment, will cancel each other out and we will have stagnation and no movement. When opposite forces are put against one another they negate each other; acid and alkali neutralise, black and white make grey, heat and cold produce tepid, and impulsion and friction make for slow movement. I’m not saying the brain and heart are opposites, but if we are thinking one thing and emotionally wishing for another, the conflict diminishes the potential combined strength and synergy of when they are working together in the same direction.
In my book ‘Perfect Poise, Perfect Life’ I wrote about negative voices and how they can seriously hold us back and stop us from achieving what we desire. They seem to appear when we’ve got it in mind to do something quite different and extraordinary, something that would be challenging, exciting or even just a treat. Just when we have some inspiration, this little voice pipes up from deep inside and says ‘You can’t do that!’ The rational, judgmental and critical side of our brain jumps in and puts a dampener on our great ideas! It’s not fair! Our mind can wander and come up with all sorts of amazing ideas, then just when we think that would be fantastic, the negative voice tells us like a reprimanding governess that we cannot or should not do it for one reason or another.
We may feel overwhelmed with the idea that we are not worthy of our ideal, we don’t deserve this, or that we will never find the right partner, or we never have been successful, and so we never will be. We may hear negative voices so strongly and overbearing that they smother any enthusiasm and courage we may have. They block us from moving forwards so we need to deal with them.
Our negative voices have a foundation in all of our life’s experiences and are based on fear. But because we may have had difficulties or we believed that we’ve failed at something in the past is no reason why it may happen again. When you hear your negative voice criticising, complaining, or cajoling you, let it be heard. When you have given it an ear, you can say to yourself that it’s fine to feel this way, but you are going to choose to do what you really want. You can choose to do things differently. You are moving on. To help you with these issues, you may like to seek practical help from one of the many organisations that offer counselling and personal development courses such as Insight Seminars, The Essence Foundation or Practical Miracles. You will find their details at the back of this book.
Just remember where these voices come from and also that your great ideas are more likely to be based on what is truly right for you. Your inspiring idea may take you outside of your comfort zone, but this doesn’t mean that it’s wrong. If it’s truly for you, then you may find that the most difficult things seem to flow towards you with ease.
If we can learn to acknowledge the voice so that it is heard, but then choose to take a different path rather than let it govern us, we will be so much better off. While we may not have done something before, we could say to ourselves ‘This may be new for me, and there’s no proof that I can’t do it, and I am worthy of it, so I shall give it a go!’
Having a positive attitude is fundamentally important if we are to achieve our dreams and full potential. If you think negative, you will get it. If your positive thinking aligns with your Purpose then you will help and support all of your faculties to achieve it by bringing all of your strengths in a co-ordinated manner to bear on the project.
Why not go through your day looking for what makes you feel good and happy? Look for what you want to see. See the good and beauty in everything. The more you develop this habit the more you will attract into your life what you want, because like attracts like. If you did this for every day of your life, will you have any regrets when you’re elderly, or are you more likely to say that you’ve had a great life? We could easily be self-judgemental and say that we’re not worthy of such good things and by repeating this ‘thinking’ of course we are attracting into our lives what we actually don’t want, albeit that they fit with our self perception. We can change that habit now if we choose. Look for what you want to see, think positive and you are more likely to get more of what you really wish for.
Exercise – Focus on the positive
Choose today, to go through the whole of your day thinking positively about everything that you’re doing and everything and everyone around you. Avoid thinking any negative thoughts at all.
If you catch yourself thinking negatively - that frequently happens if we’re prone to this, quietly take note that you have, and choose to think differently. So if you find something isn’t working out the way you’d like, maybe you need to take note of the feedback and adjust your approach, or do it later. Visualise it working out. See it the way you would like it. Be flexible to go with the flow and keep your mind positive and believe that all will work out positively in the end. We may take a meandering course to get there, but it will be fine.
Avoid being critical of yourself or others.
Enjoy being in this moment.
If it’s your tendency to think negatively you may only manage this for ten minutes or so. Acknowledge your achievement no matter how short a time it has been; congratulate yourself and try again.
Have a good day!
:-)
A break away, helps you play
August 15, 2006On returning from holiday and confronting my violin for the first time in a fortnight I discover that I am unable to play to the same standard, the music that I was practicing before I left. Not that this was any great shakes, but my abilities in some ways seem less. Now I am relearning what I could do just a few weeks ago as the holiday break has been quite a disruption. At least that's how it seems on the surface. But not entirely.
It's easy to be discouraged in such situations and think ''ll never be able to do this" or something similar. But apart from remembering what I've often written here, about i.e. 'what you think is what you get' and I should think positively that "I will be able to do this easily again soon", I am also reminded of several experiences to support me in my quest.
Firstly, as a young child I remember my Dad, who was a professional flutist in the Scottish National Orchestra (now the Royal), when he came back from holiday it would take him several days to get back up to performance standard and he would allow time for this before his next scheduled concert. He said it was a natural thing to allow time for. As he says "One needs to warm up". I also remember as a young Alexander Technique teacher, coming back to work after a holiday it would take me a few days of practice to get the energy flowing and myself into teaching shape. This all normal. But it's sometimes hard to remember when we are no longer able to achieve the standard we were experiencing such a short time ago.
Secondly, It's good to remember that breaks away from an activity (provided that they are not too long) can help your progress. We may be a bit rusty and not at our best' when we return, but there are substantial changes that have been happening to us during the break. All the work that we have previously done in forming our technique and honing our skills has gone into our subconscious and become ingrained. We may slip back a bit and on the surface we may not be at our 'performance best' but there are fundamental positive changes underneath.
When we are practicing and improving our performance at anything, be it sport, art, music, riding, public speaking, we are building on our previous experiences all the time. We call it progress and consequently there is constant change. Change upon change. By stopping for a holiday, all this change has a chance to settle down and become established into our system. It gets a chance to become a new firm platform to move forward from. As an example, if you were standing on soft sand or mud, it would be difficult to jump or leap from. But if you move to solid ground or rock, you can jump very high. In other words you have a firm base from which to spring forwards. It's the same in learning. A break creates new bedrock from which to move forward and you will be able to achieve far more than you would have if you had not had a break.
So it is good to stop and rest from our activities to help us make progress. If there are no holidays planned that will create a natural break, it is sometimes good to schedule one, just in order to achieve the space in time for your previous learning to become established and help your further progress. So although it's good to practice, it is also good to stop. If you want to read more on this, see my previous blog 'Improvement without practice'.
So having given myself this gentle and positive reminder, I shall return to my violin playing with patience and optimism, that all is not lost, that further good progress is around the corner and I shall be making a better sound than ever before, very soon.
Hope you have a good day.
;-)
Doing what you love
July 26, 2006
Gina Gallo, doing what she loves
In an interview with Worthwhile Magazine, Gina Gallo, of Gallo of Sonoma – one of California’s premier wineries – says that wine does make itself. "Once I find the right block in the vineyard, there is very little you have to do from a viticulture standpoint. Because that block naturally manages itself. The dynamics of the terroir – the soil, the climate, the natural habitat around it – will just naturally make that block special. In that way, it will make itself. You just have to find it." She says that she loves making wine, feeling that she is contributing something to people's lives. A bottle on the table for a meal between friends helps to create the most enjoyable experience.
She says wine makes itself. From the growing of the vine to putting the right ingredients together, then it's down to nature to take its course. This is also true in many other aspects of life; put the right ingredients together and watch nature perform its miracles. It's the combination of people, being in the right place at the right time, sewing seeds and then going with the flow as your efforts are rewarded because........because you are on track with your life. When we are 'not on track', then that is when we experience life as tough.
Gina Gallo has found her path in life by following her grandfather's footsteps with their family owned business. With a string of awards to their name, she has learnt that you have to have a passion and a love for what you do. She's on a mission to find that. She loves being outside to be amongst the grapes and in the bail room. That’s the part that really draws her because she is always moving on. Se says " You are watching something really grow and evolve. I mean, it’s alive. Wine is alive."
All our situations are alive. Without being too philosophical about this, we are all ingredients in the biggest scheme of things. We contribute to each other's lives. As with wine making, we want the best combination of ingredients, and when it's all put together with love, we can experience the most amazing growth and development in our life.
If you do what you love, you will love what you do. And when there's love, your activities and efforts come from the heart. When you're living in your heart, then you're following your Purpose. When you are following your Purpose or heart-felt desire you are bringing your best to the world for you and everyone to enjoy or benefit from. This is when everything seems to fall into place and we are 'going with the flow'. Your instincts can tell you if you are on track. Ask yourself, are amazing things coming your way easily without effort? Does life feel like you're pushing water up a hill or are you experiencing life as an adventure that seems to unfold for you? Are you happy and fulfilled?
You can help yourself find that special place where things fall into place and you love what you do. You can manage this by doing what you love. To find this, you need to ask your heart......not your head. What is in your heart? Where are your passions?
Cheers to Gina for following her heart.
:-)
The Power of a Pause
July 25, 2006
Do you go around filling every moment, or feeling that you should fill every moment of your day by doing something? It certainly is one of my tendencies with so many hobbies and interests, and being an Alexander Technique teacher, where one of the main cornerstones of the technique is called 'Inhibition' the process of giving ourselves time to think of how we're doing things, I still feel that I could be a lot better! By pausing we give ourselves time to think, to make choices how and what we do, but if we blindly rush ahead without thought, we always do things according to our habitual pattern, so reinforcing the habits, making our tendencies stronger, and if they are unhealthy ones, then we're undermining our health and performance in the long term. Basically it's good to stop....to pause and give our self time.
Giving time to things is important in almost any aspect of life. We can choose how we do things and even whether to do so, or not. Giving time to create space between things is important. this gives space for choice and to also emphasise the actions. Is a piano keyboard white with black keys, or black keys with white? If we didn't have night following day, we wouldn't have day......it would just ......be.
Is the Yin Yang simbol at the top, black shapes on white or vica versa? Without one, we don't have the other.
As a photographer in my spare time, I work with light, but in reality I can only do this because there is also darkness. It's the combination, or rather the contrast between light and dark that makes form, shape and shadow, without which we there would be blandness....an evenness of tone that would not distinguish one thing from another.
Arthur Rubenstein once said "The notes I handle no better than many pianists. But the pauses between the notes—ah, that is where the art resides."
When an orchestral conductor raises his baton to prepare the orchestra there is a silence. There is an anticipation in the air....it's electric. This pause and silence is almost deafening to the point we are aching for the music to begin.
Top comedians are renown for their timing. If they didn't have such an acute sense of rhythm, space before the punch line, anticipation of the audience reaction, then they wouldn't be half as funny. When a golfer makes his stroke, it's the timing that counts.....it's the avoidance of rushing, to give space, rhythm, smoothness and pace to the stroke. Slowness is the absence of speed. Or is it the other way round?
When I have a violin lesson, my teacher frequently reminds me not to rush or snatch at the next note. When I'm a little anxious about performing the next passage, I tend to rather rush into it. But as Vivien Mackie, one of my AT colleagues and master of the cello who trained with Cassals, says in her book 'Just Play Naturally', the next note does not arrive until the end of the existing or current note. Each note has its duration and should be allowed it's full life. Composers make notes a certain length for a reason.....as well as the rests or pauses.
Letters of the alphabet and words on a page don't exist without the space around. Space gives meaning. The space can have meaning itself. Does the picture opposite say Me or You?
If you are making a presentation at work or a speech at a wedding, do you tend to rush to quickly? Do you allow enough time between your messages to let them sink in, to let them have gravitas and weight?
So getting back to our daily lives.....are there enough spaces and gaps between our activities? You might say that there isn't enough time for gaps when there are already more than enough things to get done. But supposing the spaces are just as important as the actual tasks? They may be important for different reasons, but just as important to help us perform well, to think, consider, to choose not to do things, to reconsider, to decide definately to do something, to prioritise, to re-prioritise,to give emphasis to our actions, even to rest so we can perform well later.
Recently I have been espousing the benefits of a short nap during lunchtime to revive energy levels and productivity for the afternoon. To this end I set up the UK's first National Siesta Day. Our body's own 'biological clock' determines that we have rest at certain times to ensure health and well-being.
Do you ever sit down and choose to do nothing? I don't mean when you're idling and not got much to do, but during a normal busy day. Do you ever stop and give yourself one minute....or five? The pause gives time to see our situation from the outside, to reconsider, for the troops to regroup, for the dust to settle and see just where we are. The pause is as important as the action, for harmony in our life, for our actions to have meaning, for our words to have impact.
It takes courage and a great deal of self-will to sit down for a moment or two and choose to do absolutely nothing when there are twenty things pending and not enough time. Maybe we can re-prioritise what we do, chuck a few tasks in the bin.
It's good to stop and breathe, to pause and look beyond the desk. When walking outside, rather than looking at the pavement just in front, to raise our eye level to the horizon. Look at the end of the street, down a mile away....and the first floor windows and roofs. Lift your vision and see the scope for your life to make changes, to reinforce what you are already doing, to know that you are going along the right path or to choose to reconsider.
Giving space to our lives makes what we do more impactful. Pausing before action gives time for thought, re-thought, to galvanise our resources and make sure the next task is done just absolutely brilliantly, as well as we possibly can. As the saying goes, "If it's worth doing at all, it's worth doing...... " So pause and think about this a little....if you can just make this choice for yourself.
Stopping creates new beginnings....
:-)
Clearing clutter and having a good day
July 14, 2006
So will today be a fun day? You tell me. It can come down to how we perceive it. Perception is the thing. I could consider sorting out the paperwork on my desk as a chore, but it would be great just to clear the surface and give me room to work....and think. How's your clutter these days?
Clutter is the debris of yesterday's activities left uncompleted. Completion could be seen as simply finishing the job or task, but leaving the remnants of the activity still lying around doesn't help us move forward. In Feng Shui , clutter is both a cause and a symptom of stale, stuck energy. It blocks the smooth flow of chi through your space, weighs you down energetically, and keeps you stuck in the past. Clutter makes it very difficult to make changes, take advantage of new opportunities, or welcome new friends and experiences into your life. So as this is Friday (it could be any day) I shall clear the clutter and make room for moving forward and make space in my life for new things.
However, I can't say that my life feels stuck as there's plenty going on. There will be a number of clients coming for their Alexander Technique lessons today. But I break off at 10.30am to go to BBC Broadcasting House in London to do a 30 minute live radio interview. That should be fun, covering topics such as Alexander Technique and the benefits to posture and well-being. We'll also discuss the recent National Siesta Day and my reasons for setting it up. The walk over there will be pleasant as it's a beautiful sunny day and I'll be glad to get the fresh air. I'm usually in my practice from 6.30am till around 7.00pm, so it's good to get out. I'm also planning National Siesta Day for 2007, getting a sponsor to fund the PR as it's a non-profit making campaign and I'm also planning my next book. Plenty to think about and do. But I start the day, the way I like to finish it. I play my violin around 6.30 for a while, and I'll play the other one later this evening at home. Doing something creative and also demanding is a great way of relaxing as it uses different parts of your brain.
And tomorrow is the weekend. The weather is supposed to be really good so it will be perfect for walks and picnics which are what we'll be doing. What are you up to this weekend? Whatever you do, look on the bright side. Anything can be a joy if we just choose to see it that way. And if it's truly exciting, enjoy every minute!
OK, enough. I've got some clutter to clear off my desk and it's my intention to get this done before my first client arrives. There's nothing like a self imposed deadline to help shift stuff that's hanging around. Then we can move on and be free to make the most of the day. See you later. :-)
The right attitude
July 13, 2006I meet so many people through my work, who do not feel that there is anything that they can do for themselves, and it is down to the specialist to sort them out. It is also such a commonly made mistake to believe that the head and the body are somewhat separated whereas in reality they are inextricably linked up. The fact that we have psychologists and physiotherapists who specialise in their own specific fields does nothing to help change this view, although a specialist approach is so often needed in order to provide the expert help required. The Alexander Technique is a method that helps improve our posture and we learn to use it for ourselves by having lessons. It involved thinking in such a way that we have more control over our own muscles, balance and co-ordination, ....mind and body working together. We learn to get rid of postural habits that affect the efficient working of our body. It is something that we can use to help ourselves.
We don’t need a degree in anatomy and physiology to realise that it is our brains that control our bodies. Whatever we decide to do, whether it’s making a cup of coffee or drive the car, it is our brains that are sending messages throughout our bodies to instruct our muscles to perform the desired activity. The same approach can be used to encourage tense muscles to release, and for a stooped posture to come upright. Realising that we are all capable of making a difference is the first major step in changing our lives. However, there is an essential ingredient required in order for this to work.
Now I understand fully when people tell me that they’re not prepared to believe in something until they get some proof that it actually works. Fine, some things are difficult to comprehend until we’ve had the experience of it happening. This can apply to anything. With regards to the Alexander Technique it's a good idea to have a few one-to-one sessions where the practitioner can have the opportunity of showing us how different we can be. But in order for us to also get the experience of helping ourselves, we really have to enter into the thing with an open mind and maybe a certain amount of enthusiasm to just go for it. We need to give it a go. With clear guidance and instruction from a specialist who is able to assess our needs, we’ll be able to learn a whole new way of moving and looking after ourselves. We can then rest assured that we are applying the principles in the most appropriate manner for our particular situation. If we follow the guidelines, then we’ll not go far wrong.
Belief in ourselves
If we’re able to find within us even a faint glimmer of a thought that we may be able to do something for ourselves, then we are tapping into some of the potential we’ve inherited from our ancient ancestry. We are all highly integrated human beings with the capability for a great deal of control over ourselves and our environment. It is this belief, albeit small at first that can have a dramatic effect on how we are. The belief is the trigger. Once we start to believe that we can make a difference within ourselves, even just by thinking, we’re opening up all sorts of possibilities. This principle can be applied to so many other things in life, and when people say “I can’t do that.” they are setting up a thought pattern that may well prevent them from achieving it. They tell themselves that they can’t do it even before they give it a go. Instead, let’s say to ourselves something like, “Hey, I may not have done this before, but there’s no proof that I can’t do it, and I won’t know until I’ve tried, so let’s go for it….” then we are giving ourselves the best opportunity for success. This helps with learning the Alexander Technique, but also applies to almost anything else in life. if we can just 'give it a go', whatever it is, we may go on to really achieve some wonderful things in life.
Life changing inspiration
July 12, 2006
Snow clouds over Shetland
Don't you just love exciting adventures? And isn't it great to see people following their heart?
I've just been reading about a woman business executive who has uprooted and changed her whole life for a dream.
Caroline Whitfield of London worked as a consultant to huge international companies. Being four months pregnant with her third child she decided to escape from London to the Shetland Islands for a week's break with her two daughters and barrister husband.
They had gone there with the half hearted idea of buying a holiday home. While visiting potential houses with a surveyor she asked where the local whisky distillery was, thinking it might be an interesting place to visit. She was astonished to hear that there wasn't one. Having done work for a drinks company she knew that the pure spring waters and peaty bogs of the Shetlands made it the ideal location for malting whisky. She almost instantly had the idea that she could open a distillery of her own here in Shetland. And so Blackwood Distillers was born four years ago.
They have already won international awards for their own-label gin and vodka and plan to start producing whisky in the next three years. She has gathered around her a number of highly experienced people in specialised fields including quality and master tasting, the world leading distillery designer, a financial expert on fast growing businesses and the man who built the first modern distillery in Wales in 1999.
Burn of Lunklet
The location sounds like a dream. The Shetlands are a group of 110 islands far north of Scotland and only 180 miles from Bergen, Norway. As the latitude is almost exactly 60 degrees North it gets 15 hours of sunshine in summer and only 5 in winter. The air is clear and moist so whisky evaporation normally 2% will be greatly reduced. The purest water flows straight from sandstone springs into a burn (stream) that meanders over peat and then flows down to the cove, unaffected by man from source to sea. The slowest forming peat on earth grows on Shetland and has been forming here since at least the Bronze Age, some 4000 years ago. Due to the extreme northern latitude and cool weather, Shetland peat grows incredibly slowly and includes local flora unique to the area. This leads to a rich aromatic peat ideally suited to help create a truly outstanding malt, in full or lightly peated styles. The prospects for the first whisky distillery on Shetland are fantastic.
They have had first indications of a truly great malt. Samples have been made using local peat, water and Scottish barley, replicating the climactic conditions. The results suggest the whisky, both peated and unpeated, will have its own unique character distinctive to Shetland itself. Closest references are lightly peated Islay whisky or other outstanding Northern Malts such as Highland Park on Orkney. A local resident on tasting the peated sample exclaimed "I don 't know how you have done this but this IS the smell of Shetland - it is exactly as I remember my grandfather's croft with the burning peat in the fire and sweet mutton drying nearby - wonderful." They expect different wood finishes will bring out various flavour profiles in both the peated and unpeated malts and indeed show the potential to be accessible in taste as outstanding, easy-drinking whiskies.
Caroline is a true adventurer. She says herself, if she hadn't visited the Shetlands in 2002, who knows where she would be now. In a moment of true inspiration, she discovered a new direction that has changed her life completely. Good for her! And Good luck to her team.
I don't drink whisky very often although I love the taste. I certainly will be tasting her new malt when it eventually produced.
I just so love success and adventure stories. If you've got one you'd like to share with me, please get in touch!
;-)
Sources: Daily Express & Blackwood Distillery
Pursuing happiness
July 10, 2006
With the plethora of books on happiness in the popular psychology section of every book store, and more being published every day, it seems we have gone mad in search of this most elusive yet ultimately fulfilling quality to life. But on discovering that a great Islamic philosopher and reformer Abu Hamid al-Ghazal wrote a popular book called The Alchemy of Happiness during his 52 years, 1058-1111AD, I realise it's nothing new.
We often talk of the 'pursuit of happiness' as though it's something that we need to chase after, and don't many of us do just that? From retail therapy and just ten more handbags, to globe trotting and continental holiday homes, haven't we got more now in the western world than ever before? Yet each day, it seems, a new study shows we are unhappier than ever and more people reach for the Prosac. In our search, some may turn to religion, we can meditate, breathe deeply from our 'stomach' and for moments we can forget everything. We can give of our time and experience charitably for the good of others, and feel uplifted and happy. The list of advice seems endless.
Richard Schoch comments in his book The Secrets of Happiness that we can better understand happiness by looking at the philosophical and religious traditions of happiness, including those of other cultures, and believes that we have lost contact with the old and rich traditions of happiness and their essentially moral nature. He also comments that it seems the case that many will sadly describe happiness as mere avoidance of pain and suffering.
I will certainly go along with the idea that if we can develop the capacity to understand where we go wrong and forestall it, we can help ourselves enormously. Indeed this is similar to the principle of 'Inhibition' in the Alexander Technique to help maintain natural poise. F.M. Alexander used to say, "If we can prevent the wrong [postural] thing from happening, the right thing will look after itself." We are self healing and we have a propensity towards health, hence the continuation of our species. But can it be said of happiness?
I have long believed (and written in previous blogs) that we may discover we have been happy after the event, when we have been fully occupied with an activity that is challenging, requires some creativity but is not so demanding so allowing us some success. In Hinduism it is said that 'Any worthwhile activity however ordinary- but done in the right spirit - takes us one step closer to happiness'.
Edward do Bono's new book called H=: A new Religion? sounds interesting and in line with my own thinking, and I must get a copy. Apparently according to the Times, he advises 'how to live your life positively through Happiness, Humour, Help, Hope and Health'. He also suggests that inner happiness (harmony in the soul) and 'outer happiness' (Health and well-being) are mutually dependent and have little to do with the pursuit of pleasure. I'd go with that.
But, to bring up briefly something that I shall refer to in my next blog, contentment is most likely to exist when we are not pursuing anything, including happiness. And contentment is probably what we are more able to experience most of the time, rather than happiness.
When do we say we are happy? I would suggest that it is when we are experiencing a level of emotion that is more heightened than our norm. So if we were to experience high emotions all the time, they cease to be 'heightened' emotions and become the norm. We get used to feeling good very quickly. We get used to anything good, quickly. How long does the new higher salary feel good for.... 3-4 weeks or a couple of months at best? Then we're looking for another raise. People often ask me what it feels like to be wonderfully postured and in great shape. I wish I knew, and I'll ask them to let me know how it feels when they discover it. I'm still working on it and always will. We get used to how we feel.
It is my belief that to pursue happiness is like chasing a rainbow. It's there in front of you, but to pursue and chase will not help you get there. Particularly if the object of your desires is a new car or watch, as this new happy sensation will wear off as quickly as it came. However, it's no bad thing to be content with where we are at any precise moment. It may not be ideally how we'd like to be, but the present moment is all we've got as the past has been and the future has yet to come. So acceptance with our situation at the moment can be relieving. For me, happiness is not something to be pursued, but to be discovered within. It is there to be had. You have happiness by allowing or choosing to experience it. Accept where you are at any given time and then just decide to be happy. Happy with life as it is. We can also make plans for tomorrow, to change this and that. And when we're living tomorrow, we can be content and accepting of where we are, not fighting ourselves and just choose to be happy.
Happiness can be right there inside all of us, right now. It's a sensation that comes from the release of chemicals by means of thought patterns. If you think negative thoughts, such as anger, hate, disappointment, resentment, revenge, impatience, frustration then you'll create emotions that are certainly not happy. If we think thoughts that are positive, loving, content, giving, uplifting, hopeful and optimistic as well as being content, then we release endorphins and can experience happiness.
Nothing outside of ourselves makes us emotionally feel one way or another, unless we are physically hurt. We create our emotions for ourselves, by how we interpret and respond to situations around us. We can choose (if we like) to respond any way we wish. Even if someone verbally assaults us and shows anger, we can choose not to reflect this back to them, but respond with love and feeling for them in their situation and mood. However, this can be difficult as we do tend to pick up on negativity because of our mirror neurons as I blogged in Mirroring Emotions, but we can still work on distancing ourselves at such times.
We don't need to go searching for happiness outside of ourselves, or even searching inside of ourselves either. We can experience contentment and happiness by just simply choosing to experience it right now. I believe it comes down to our attitude and how we think. It's yours right now. So just enjoy!
:-)
Effective practice
July 7, 2006
Paganini
I've just bought a music stand for my office, and it's the best thing I've done for a while. I play my violin in the morning at work from around 6.45am before anyone gets in, so there's no chance of anyone being bothered by the noise. Good job really. It's a routine that I've got into,....I arrive, open all the windows to get some fresh air circulating, switch the computer on and let the emails arrive, I make a cup of tea and get my violin out.
Up to now I have just either lain my music on the desk with a good desk light over it, or sometimes I would get a writing slope out and place that on top of my desk so the music is tilted towards me. Either way, it necessitated me either sitting down to play, which is fine, or standing then peering down at the music occasionally. This hasn't been good because this tends to draw me forwards and down which does not help my posture and will affect my playing. Naturally I take care of my posture given my profession as an Alexander Technique teacher, but why make the situation more difficult than I need?
Although I've been playing the violin at work in the early morning for a year or more, there has been a reluctance to acknowledge it properly. It's almost that I feel guilty about it. Hence, I've not bought a music stand, partly because it takes up space, I didn't want the bother of folding it away and it was making the violin playing seem too big a part of my day. It's a distraction, although it's wonderful to do. Usually I play for around 20 minutes, do a few scales and exercises and a little play at something from memory then leave it at that....nothing too serious. I leave my main practice for the evening when I do have a music stand and I play my lovely 18th century violin.
But the difference in having a proper music stand is extraordinary. It not only supports the music well at the proper height so I'm maintaining better posture while playing, but it has affected me in other ways too. Rather than considering this early morning session as very informal and just a bit of a tootle to keep my hand in, it's shifted the importance of it. Now when I stand in front of the music stand I play properly, with care and more attention to my posture and use, as well as with more appropriate intent. I therefore make better use of the time, I'm more effective, more focused, I work harder at the difficult parts, I play the instrument better and ultimately play better music. I don't need to spend any more time doing it than I have done previously, but it has shifted my emotional state so that ultimately I benefit.
In other words, If I'm going to do any violin playing at all at this time of day, then I'm better off doing it properly. It's the same with any darned thing in life. If it's worth doing at all, it's worth doing properly. How many things do we attempt half-heartedly then when it doesn't work too well, we quit for the time being and move on to something else?
Today, I forgot the time and discovered that I'd been playing for an hour. Fortunately there was a cancellation in my diary so the first client session that I give won't be until later, so I had the time. I made great progress. But I reckon my playing need not take any more time than I've devoted to it previously, but because my attitude is different, I shall make better use of the time.
If we're going to do anything, it's worth doing it as well as possible. Because, however we do it, the manner and attitude we apply will become the norm, as repetition forms habit. So now, I've given the early morning violin practice the stature and importance it deserves. I've acknowledged and accepted it better, and I can sense that my abilities will progress more quickly.
If you're going to do something, give your whole heart to it. Multitasking is for those who are not bothered about the quality of what they're producing. Do one thing at a time. Set yourself up well to give it your full attention and not be restricted by physical limitations. Sort out your equipment, tools and space to work. Give yourself the best chance of doing as well as you can. I know that if I practice sloppily, I will become a sloppy player and this will affect my whole ability. Setting yourself up well and giving your whole attention to the activity probably won't take any longer and you'll get far more out of it. Do this with everything and watch how you progress. Great.
:-)
Red card? Rooney can let it go
July 4, 2006
Since Wayne Rooney was red carded and sent off during the England v Portugal match in the World Cup, there has been a lot of press regarding the incident, from many different views. It is believed that he was fouled just before his foot stamped on Ricardo Carvalho and there should have been a free kick. It is also thought the red card was unfair, that Cristiano Ronaldo played a part in getting him sent off. Some press are giving several pages to Rooney's anger towards his fellow Manchester United team mate, Ronaldo and how he would like to 'split him in two'. How he has been urged to 'bury the hatchet' but the Sun reports, the only place he'll do that is 'in Ronaldo'. And so it goes on.
Today, it is reported in the BBC News that Rooney holds no animosity towards Ronaldo who said, "He [Rooney] wished me the best of luck in the World Cup. He told me we had a great team and that if we continued to play like this, we would go far.
"At the end we texted each other and between us every-thing's been cleared," he said. "He wasn't angry with me and, moreover, he told me to completely ignore what the English press has said, that all they wanted was to create confusion, but we are already used to that." Ronaldo insisted he was not to blame for Rooney's dismissal, despite appearing to wink at the Portuguese bench once the red card had been shown.
However, the situation happened, it is unfortunate, and maybe England should still be in the tournament and even preparing to play the Semi-final. However, this is not the case, and what actually happened, is now history and consigned and recorded as memories.
Rooney has been reported in different media with conflicting emotions. Naturally he will be bitterly disappointed in being sent off and for England dropping out.
The point I want to make, is that memories of what happened are there, registered in his conscious mind and also his subconscious. but this memory is an objective one. What Rooney does with that memory is his choice. He may feel resentment, bitterness, anger and frustration, or he can actually choose to let it go and move on. He can choose to be forgiving, to himself for his actions, his stamping on Ricardo Carvalho and to let go of any resentment towards Ronaldo. He can choose either the lower ground, or the higher. It's common to consider emotions as something that are beyond our control, but this is far from the case. Our reactions to situations are governed to a high degree by our past experiences, hurts, disappointments, upbringing etc. But we can also override these initial feelings and choose something different. It's how we think of it that's the important. It's what we focus on. Do we focus on hurt, pride and resentment, or focus on letting go and moving on. Where you look is where you go. You may have heard me say this on a number occasions.
Terry Tillman, Resource Consultant of 227 Company describes this type of situation well . "The memory as recorded doesn’t affect everything we think, feel say or do. It’s an objective record. What we decide about the experience, how we interpret the experience, the feelings we overlay on the experience is what has an effect. We can change those decisions, interpretations, feelings, in many ways and methods and techniques. One way to change the effect of the decision is to change the present focus. This is the most efficacious way I’ve found to make that change. You create your reality, and experience, by where you place your focus. So, it makes sense to me to focus on what I want more of, rather than the “problem” or “wrong” or upset or disturbance or negative past history. "
Let's hope Rooney can select the focus that will be most helpful, so he and the team can move on.
Didn't England play well with only ten men, despite the penalties? I was really impressed. It was great stuff.
Have a good day!
:-)
Wayne Rooney in action
Love and hug
June 29, 2006
Joel Kurth gives his father, Thomas, a hug the night before the kidney transplant surgery.
There are times when only a hug will speak what's truly in our heart. There are times when only physical contact can communicate the true depth of feeling, understanding, love, support, rapport, sympathy, caring, happiness, empathy, forgiveness, togetherness, reconciliation, pride and any otherness you can just about imagine. I'm thinking to myself as I write, who have I not given a hug to that I really deep down wish I could and should? Who am I missing out with and who is missing out from me? When is giving-time? It's most certainly anytime...particularly when we or our friends, relatives and companions are in difficulties. It's now. When there's fear, there's need for love. Love is healing. And when there's love, there's need for more. It's one of those things that doesn't run out, as there's more to give, like smiles.
The time when we’re falling in love is such a heavenly experience, our body chemistry is on overdrive creating hormones at a hundred miles an hour and we’re floating on air. Of course the object of our love is outside of us, but the experience and sensation is inside. The situation is a catalyst to change how we feel. Enjoying the company and love of others changes our chemistry so that we feel this happy, loving feeling, but the experience is just as much about how we feel about ourselves. Touching, stroking and hugging is known to lower the heart rate and blood pressure so reducing the risk of illness or heart disease. Being in love brings the opportunity to share and enjoy regular physical contact, peace and contentment, satisfaction and security and it helps us relax. They say it makes the world go round.
Any form of emotional expression helps to free us up, connect with our innermost feelings, to feel good and relax inside. When we are really relaxed we are also probably at our most intuitive, receptive and responsive. Human contact is one of the strongest stimuli that we can experience and it has untold powers. Being touched by another communicates so many things, and we usually enjoy it; at least we do when it’s not threatening.
Touching is something that many westerners refrain from doing; partly because of social inhibitions, but also to avoid possible misinterpretation and it may be taboo in particular circumstances and with certain age groups, but we may also not touch because we are just simply withheld. We hold ourselves back. If we look at monkeys, they’re touching the whole time and if we were more allowing, we would probably do so too.
Now I’m not suggesting that you go out and hug, touch and generally assault everyone you meet. This would be alarming for the person involved if she or he is not willing, and it may well get you into trouble. But with people who you know and with whom you have a familiarity and where the territories are understood, then to touch or even to have a nice hug is a wonderful experience. It helps us connect, really connect. It’s reassuring, comforting, relaxing, loving, and altogether good for us. Stroking a pet is also beneficial as this is also known to lower levels of stress and reduce blood pressure.
Unconditional love and hugs are wonderful because we feel safe and unthreatened. In such situations we can give ourselves wholeheartedly without fear that it will turn into something else. Some people in relationships may reduce the amount of physical contact between each other as familiarity and possibly boredom increases over the years. This is not because they don’t need the contact, but for other reasons. Indeed we may need even more hugs and touching as a sign and confirmation of continuing love and support. If we don’t get this experience from within the relationship, we may well start looking for it from outside.
There were many decades when I didn't hug my parents. It was part of growing up, being macho and independent. Many of us probably behave this way at times in our lives. This situation lasted too long in my case, but that's now changed. I've got the best relationship with my Dad now than I ever had, and we enjoy a good hug when we meet. Sadly my Mum passed away, but not before we enjoyed the return of more physical closeness.
By touching on greeting, kissing as the French do, shaking hands and having a hug can all be helpful in encouraging the open exchange of honest rapport. They help us connect, and connecting helps us communicate and on more levels than simply by speech. If our intentions are honourable, our actions are unlikely to be misinterpreted and we can enjoy many benefits.
It can take some courage to break patterns of behaviour that have built up over time. But if the relationship is long standing, and hugs were higher on the agenda than they are now, then maybe we can be brave and take the step. If our 'intentions' are honourable, and we 'behave', then our actions are unlikely to be misjudged. If we have feelings other than 'honourable' then the other person will probably pick up on it. Being unconditional is the key, with a clear head. If it's with your wife/husband or partner, ...or your father, mother, sister or brother, then you may just make their day....and their life too.
:-)
'Thinking' manifests.
June 26, 2006What were you doing over the weekend? Miranda and I went to the Michelangelo Drawings exhibition at the British Museum on Saturday, queued for an hour but the last tickets for the day were sold to the people just in front. Ah well we thought, we'll go tomorrow. So we returned on Sunday, the last day of the exhibition, and found two hundred people in front of us at 9.00am. Again we queued for an hour, but got tickets for 12.20pm entry, giving us a couple of hours to relax, find a cafe, visit Covent Garden and sit in the quiet gardens of the 'Actor's Church'. Plenty of time to think and chat.
It was during this lovely enforced period of 'doing nothing' that my mind went to what it means 'to think'. Not your normal 'relaxation topic', but then according to my partner, I'm not completely normal anyway.....
I found myself musing on this theme, and the phrase 'what you think is what you get' came to mind. But I got a new realisation...I saw it from a slightly different perspective. I've written about this on a number of occasions before, so if you want to catch up, read Laws of attraction or 'Sensation'.
I've since been checking some dictionary definitions to see if they included my alternative definition, but to no avail.
"Critical thinking consists of a mental process of analyzing or evaluating information, particularly statements or propositions that people have offered as true. It forms a process of reflecting upon the meaning of statements, examining the offered evidence and reasoning, and forming judgments about the facts. ...the process of critical thinking involves acquiring information and evaluating it to reach a well-justified conclusion or answer." Wikipedia.
"To think. vb. To consider, judge, or believe. 2 To exercise the mind as in order to make a decision." Collins English Dictionary.
~So here is my alternative definition....."To think. To draw towards you that which you are 'thinking about' or something related to that which you are thinking." Hmmn. Not well phrased maybe, but you may get my drift. We attract what we think about....all the time.
We got home after the exhibition and were really glad we had made the effort. It was wonderful to see the 90 original 15th century original drawings of this great master. But we were tired and ready to sit and watch England win 1-0 over Ecuador in the second phase of the World Cup. Afterwards I returned to consider the meaning of 'thinking'. To be precise, I was trying to find something I could think about that definately could not draw towards me that which I thought about or something related to the topic.
It is often the case I find that whatever I've thought about, comes into existence, or something closely related to it. Not always good, I hasten to add! But are there any things that definately cannot be attracted in this way? If you can think of something, please tell me.
Let's look at some examples. Considering the 'meaning of thinking' gave me a deeper understanding and width of perspective. Thinking of a solution to a problem brings me nearer to solving it. And without getting morbid, thinking of my deceased mentor in the Alexander Technique, brings me closer to my memory of him, to almost sense his presence. When working, I often emulate his ways and approach. What else is there? If I think of problems and conflict in the world, I may gain a deeper understanding of events and maybe even donate to a cause. I am looking for unlikely situations where 'thinking' doesn't draw that which you think of, towards you....and I can't.
For most of the time, I suspect we think of our daily needs, situations, problems relating to family, work, leisure or future needs. All topics that I've long felt are influenced by how we think of them. 'What we think is what we get.' But try as I might, I haven't come across something that we could think about, that 'definitely' would not bring something towards us, if not the actual item or situation itself, something closely related to it.
I wanted to disprove my theory but have so far not been successful. Maybe I haven't actually wanted to disprove it adequately strongly, so that's why I have not drawn it towards me! Probably because I wanted to validate it.
The theme of my musings, is that we do not need to 'try and visualise' or 'try hard to think about something' for it to be manifested. It is the process of thinking itself that has this effect.
OK, maybe I've hit the rocks this Monday morning and gone off on some wild fanciful notion. Let me know if you think this is the case. But for now, I'm thinking...."Hey, this is some tool! This is some great thing we've all got going on here. Thinking manifests. Not just special thinking, or focused thinking, or visualising thinking or positive thinking, or just negative thinking, or selective thinking in any way. No, I'm talking about ALL thinking.
So whatever emotion you have at the time, about the object of your thoughts is what you are manifesting. I believe it comes down to the deepest emotional condition we have around the topic of our thoughts or considerations that will govern whether we get 'nice' and 'welcome' things, or 'not nice' and 'unwelcome' things. Worry negates and undermines positive thinking. So if we're 'wanting' something to transpire, but we have deep worries abouit it, they could well derail things so we don't get what we want. But we will get what we thought.
This is some tool! I'm going to be careful what and how I think of things today, to ensure I'm energising what I do want, and not otherwise!
'What you think is what you get.'
Have a great day.
:-)
Attachments and possessing
June 21, 2006When we do get what we want, and achieve our heart’s desire, if we try and hang onto it, we may find that the very thing that we tried so hard to get, can slip away from us. When referring to attachment, I’m not talking about Attachment Disorder, a condition that can be established in infancy and for which there are centres that provide help and support. I’m talking about the everyday situation of hanging onto things, particularly when it comes to people. Clinging to new relationships is one way in which some of us may have experienced a problem; when one person is keener than the other, any over-bearing tendencies on one side can put the other person off. But by releasing the person or situation, and by having a less holding attitude, we may find that our relationship stays with us.
In some cases it’s the actual process of going for something that allows us to have it but by trying to keep it, we lose it. When people use the Alexander Technique to help their natural poise and release unwanted tensions, they can often feel a wonderful sense of lightness and freedom, but if they try to hang onto this sensation, it slips away. This is because when they try to keep the lovely experience, they cease to use the process that created the experience in the first place. If we are in deep water of a swimming pool and enjoy having our head above water then we’ve got to keep swimming, as it’s the process that helps us maintain what we enjoy.
When we get something that we really want, we can feel a wonderful glow and inner sense of satisfaction. We relate our good feeling to the thing we got. But this thing is usually outside of us and if it’s an inanimate object, it is not actually doing anything to us at all. Such possessions can give us a huge emotional lift, but in reality they are just things, and we have created our own good feeling by our thinking. The good feeling is something that we manifest for ourselves, and the object of our desires is usually only the catalyst to help us bring this about. Shop-a-holics are constantly shopping to get a feel-good sensation that disappears as soon as they possess the item of their choosing. Food cravings and any other form of craving usually acts as a replacement for a deeper inner need, usually love.
When we do fall in love, the sensation of love is naturally inside of us, and not outside. While the energy rapport and synergy that works between two human beings is obviously a factor, we nevertheless create, by means of our own internal chemistry the sensation of wellbeing and love. If we can realise that we create our own emotions, does this help us to see objects or people that we desire somewhat differently and to let go of them more easily? Maybe we don’t need such external stimulus to excite us, and we don’t need to lean on them as a crutch. We are complete in ourselves, and have the inner workings to manufacture for us any experience we like, from sadness to joy. I’m not suggesting we try to take a cold and completely dispassionate view on everything, but maybe we can allow ourselves a little more autonomy and be more self-reliant. We don’t need half the things we have or desire.
By letting go of our attachment to things and by being less possessive we may find that we have more of what we really want. I’m referring to a deeper contentment that comes from being more centred and balanced.
On Judging others...
June 19, 2006It's so easy to judge isn't it? What I mean is, don't you find it so easy to make judgements about situations and other people, when in actual fact there is quite a high chance that our judgement is.....well, unjust? I know myself how terribly quick I am to judge others and when I notice, correct myself immediately.
Not only are we likely to be inaccurate in our assessment, but we also harm ourselves. By categorising, classing, positioning, comparing and assessing others in a critical or judgemental way, we are limiting our view and excluding possibilities that things may be otherwise. We also create negativity towards our subject and towards ourselves. Criticsm and judgement can be so limiting and damaging as it's likely to be laced with a negative emotion. We also project our own prejudices, negativity and limitations onto others. I feel the negative judgements that can so easily be made about others, say far more about the person making the judgement than about the one who is being judged.
There was a conversation I had with someone over the weekend that prompted this blog today. We were discussing whether a mutual friend who is a university student would be in London over the summer holidays or whether he would return home to France. I had commented that as he has now got an English girlfriend (who we both know) that he he had a great incentive to stay in England during his holidays to be with her. But my companion immediately said that 'everyone' is hoping that he will have grown out of her by then and moved on. I asked why, and I was told the general view was that she was rather flighty and he deserved better. Well this conversation raised my hackles and I quickly chose to let it go.
But on considering this again later, I thought it terribly unfair to judge this young lady in the way she has been. The people who concurred with this view of her, most certainly do not have the relationship with her that our male friend has. How could they? Unless they have all had a romantic, loving, sexual, caring relationship with her (which I doubt!) how could they see her from our male friend's perspective? He will almost certainly have seen another side to her, as in such a relationship the dynamics are different; the closeness, intimacy, trust and security bring out deeper parts of our personalities. She could easily be the most wonderful partner for him. How can we possibly see her from his perspective, or for that matter any other person from another's standpoint?
Their relationship may or may not be forever. But that's not of our or anyone else's concern. If it's 'right' for just now, then that's good....for now. As that is the only time that we've got....right now. If it's going well, it's going well. End of story. They're happy, and all can see that. So this is great. If we can find happiness within ourselves, and also with another then we've got a big part of what life's about. Health, well being and happiness. :-)
Sex appeal comes from within
June 14, 2006
Have you noticed how you can sometimes meet people who may not be described as traditionally beautiful, in fact they may positively be unattractive in certain ways, be it their features, figure, hair or clothing. But despite this they may also be enormously sexy or sensuous. They can have a wonderful sexual appeal because they are radiating something very special. They exude this quality from within.
Indeed someone like this can be far sexier than another who has the perfect figure, sculpted features and wearing stunning clothes. Because our subconscious picks up on everything about them and the latter person may be sending out a conflict of statements. She may not be really calm, centred and content within herself, and this is what we pick up. This conflict makes us uneasy.
Some aspects of ourselves are so much part of us that if we were aware of them, we may feel that there isn’t much that can be done to change. We’re talking about our physical demeanour, and not just the cosmetic treatments and considerations that we give to our outside. We're also talking about our attitude, how we feel about ourselves, our emotions and sense of self. It's what’s going on inside of us that can have an enormous effect.
There are certain qualities in people that we normally find very attractive and sexy. Personality of course is one. Reasonable fitness is another, but also if they appear upright, relaxed, cool and confident within themselves; if only we could have that relaxed, emotionally centred and calm, self assured quality too! If we could also move with nimbleness and fluidity, have openness across our chest, have clear skin, be relaxed in our facial muscles, smile, and look calm and happy and have a gorgeous voice. All of these qualities are the most natural in the world, yet to find someone displaying them all tends to be a rare experience. And I would also suggest that these are the qualities that more of us could have, but do not, only because we are preventing ourselves from having them. In other words, we are not loose because we are stiffening, we have dry skin partly because we don’t breathe efficiently, we frown and tighten our facial muscles and we may not drink enough water. We are stooped and pulling ourselves down, because we’ve lost our sense of balance and developed a whole load of habits to compensate. But these aspects also have much deeper influences. Our whole health and well being is undermined.
Our inner organs may also be under stress, partly by our slouch that compresses them, but also because of emotional reasons as well as dietary. Our system may be under strain, and this will affect our whole demeanour. We cannot be truly relaxed and calm when our system is under stress. I’m not talking about stress at work or any other external situation, although our ability to cope in these circumstances is also affected by how well co-ordinated and balanced we are. No, I’m referring to the general functioning of our whole ‘self’ that can be under significant strain, and this will be expressed through our energy and will affect how we interact with others. And although we may feign or pretend to be happy, calm and wonderful, something deeper is giving off other signals that conflict with our manner. So there is dissonance in our portrayal of ourselves, this is discomforting to those with whom we interact.
So how do we get this wonderful inner quality? We must attend to our diet, our water consumption, our general lifestyle. We should attend to our posture and ensure that we truly are in balance, well poised, breathing well, free in all our joints so that we can move easily. As we’ve said, our emotions are enormously affected by our physical condition and by improving our posture we will certainly change how we feel about ourselves and how we come over to others.
We can also have a positive attitude and just simply decide that we are just not going to care at all about what others think of us. We're just going to be ourselves, we're going to be positive, and raise our own emotions so that we are happy in ourselves all the time. Sod it. Sod the world. We can just be ourselves, do our thing, relax in the knowledge that there is absolutely nothing that we can do that will change how others feel about us. How can we? If we're richer, some won't like us for it, of we wear designer or more attractive clothes, some will be turned off by them, if we're poorer others won't like it. We can only affect how WE feel about ourselves. We are the only person that we can have an effect over. So let's make ourselves happy, content. Let's please ourselves and not care what others think. And then when we're truly into being ourselves without care or concern, uninhibited, carefree, self assured, dedicated to what interests us, busy getting on with what we're passionate about and not trying to please anyone, .....then, and only then will we be giving off signals we've been talking about.
There is a strange irony, that if we stop caring about what other people think about us and just get on with being ourselves and making ourselves happy, then we are far more likely to be exuding a relaxed, comfortable, self assured and sensuous quality and people will be falling over us. It seems 'selfish' to be so concerned about making ourselves happy, but this is what people like! When was the last time you fancied someone who didn't like themselves or wasn't happy? We walk the other way.
I feel that one of the most important things to remember is that we are all unique. You are unique. There is no-one in the entire world that has your combination of attributes, skills, personality, quirky idiosyncrasies, sense of humour, sound of voice, shape and figure, height and width, smile, softness, strength, passion, loves, hates, ambition, methodical or erratic, calculating or abandoned, challenged or successful, eloquent or laconic, speedy or leisurely way of life! No-one. Just you. And we are all different. And this all is to our benefit. All of it. Deep down we are all the most wonderful, caring, loving person. If you feel you're not, you haven't gone deep enough. It's what makes health. Love heals and brings life.
We all have it all already. You and I and every one has this wonderful, attractive personality and sensuous presence,.....if we could just let it out. And we can't let it out by trying to be anyone other than who we truly are. You are beautiful. So just be yourself and enjoy the attention you get. Love it.
:-)
'Difficult' is a matter of perception
June 9, 2006
What is achievable is more a matter of expectation rather than living within set limitations. Let's consider raising the bar a notch.
"Man built most nobly when limitations were at their greatest."— Frank Lloyd Wright
There is something about being faced with difficulties that can cause us to rise to overcome enormous challenges. Over ions peoples have built empirical structures despite hardships, droughts and unforgiving environments. An attitude of 'We can win, no matter what.' prevails. And there is nothing like time pressure to get something done, to galvanise the dedicated into achieving the unachievable. Parkinson’s Law says ‘Work expands to fill the time available for its completion’. And when the time available is limited to a ridiculously short period, the work can also be achieved with remarkable and almost unbelievable speed. If there is true intent, there will most likely be a successful outcome.
There is an interesting threshold of choice....the point where one person may just give up and say "Its not possible." and another chooses to persevere and doesn't let failure enter his head. "We can." rings with optimism, belief, power, spiritual assistance and positive energy.
But then, sometimes the things we 'think' should be done, may not be in our best interest, or not appropriate at this time and difficulties that we can struggle to overcome are there because it's just not 'right' at this moment. We're pushing water up a hill. How do we know if the situation is not for us, or one that is definitely 'for us' and overcoming all odds is what we should strive for? Sometimes we may think that we should contact this person or get a job done, but really it's best we don't. See my entry 'Going with the flow'.
In such situations I reckon it's good to pause and ask one or two fundamental questions such as.... What would happen if I don't do this? Does this action/project fit with my overall plan or scheme? Am I reacting through fear, anger or positive passionate emotion? Does it fit with my Purpose?
If the desired outcome fits with what's in our 'highest interest' and for the good of all, it's remarkable what can be achieved. The 'impossible' gets done remarkably smoothly and obstacles melt away as a warm knife passes through butter.
Certainly remarkable achievements are possible under the most difficult situations. But the scale of 'impossibility' may be a matter of perception. What is perceived to be difficult may not actually be that difficult when all our resources are working towards an end that is 'for the good of all'. Perception is the view from where people are standing. Wherever we are, we can't see the whole picture. Perception is affected by past experience, expectations and understandings of what is achievable and 'right'. It doesn't take into consideration anything outside of our own experience and learning. How can it? So our perception is limited and what we think is possible is bound to be limited to some degree or other. It can't include influences from outside, the Universal Energy, the collective unconscious or any other activity happening concurrently in the world. We all influence each other....everything influences everything.
So 'Difficult' is only a perception and what is such for one person, is not for another because our beliefs are different. If I believe I can do something, there's a high chance I will succeed. It's not about brute force and overcoming all odds. It's about intuition, sensitivity, clarity of being, standing back to get a clearer picture and listening to the feedback we get from the Universe. When we're going with the flow and full-on with positive intent and in line with our Purpose, the 'impossible' is done easily. It's a matter of perception and belief.
We can choose to change our level of expectation......if we choose. I believe that we can all achieve more and our dreams if we choose.
It's all in the 'unexpected'
June 8, 2006
Don't we just love it when when something good happens? Say, someone picks up the package you accidentally left behind and rushes to return it to you, or holds the door open for you when your hands are full of shopping, or gives you a birthday card. These are all welcome and everyday situations that help make life go smoothly. Lovely.
But how wonderful it is to get something that's even more unexpected. The garage returns your serviced car nicely cleaned on the inside and complimentary air freshener, you get flowers from a friend when it's not your birthday or any special day at all, your boss says leave early to make up for the extra hours you did last week, a client writes to you just to say how much they appreciated what you did for them.
Cathy Sierra writes about 'Delightful-out-of-context-surprises' in marketing terms and how software designers can sex-up products and create extra appeal and good will to customers. But we can extend this principle out of the marketing arena into normal life. How great it is to get unexpected and delightful surprises.
Would it be nice to receive more? Absolutely. And this is a good time to remember that 'like attracts like'. So I'm going to remember to give and do more for others, without thought of return. There is an especially good feeling about giving. Helping others makes them and us all feel great.
But there is an underlying principle to all this 'giving out' that we need not worry about or consider at all, but I will mention just to dispel any concern. What we give-out will come back in some form or other, maybe not from the same place and not immediately. But it will come back when we need it most. We could regard 'giving' as not reducing our wealth, but relocating it for a while. It will be returned as 'what you give is what you receive'. We don't need to worry about this. It's the law of attraction. So smile, and give, and think not of return, but how great it is to share. Our turn will come when we most need it and how great that will be. What an unexpected surprise. Thank you!
Have a good day :-)
Coincidences
June 1, 2006The world seems to be divided into several groups when it comes to attitudes towards coincidences. There are those who believe that simultaneous occurrences are purely co-incidental and the fact two or more things happen at the same time has no meaning beyond the superficial fact that they happened. There are also those who believe that there are no such things as coincidences and such occurrences as meeting people accidentally, and other simultaneous events are all governed and brought about by a Universal energy. And there are others who do not know and cannot or do not want to make up their mind.
For me, I find it helpful to go along with the belief that there are connections between us all, and events are not just a ‘coincidence’ but the outcome of a highly sophisticated network of communication between us and our environment. My life goes remarkably smoothly, and things fall into place easily. I put this down to the way I think and listen to my heart.
By thinking, we create energy that transmits not only within ourselves but can affect our environment and the actions of others. Let me give you an example. I’ve had it in mind to write about this topic for some days and I’ve been thinking about what examples to include. As I sat down at my computer to write about it, I received an email that was a copy of a message a friend was sending to someone else, and it is unlikely that he would be aware of how appropriate this email was to my thoughts at that moment. He was recalling the final lines of a musical staged in London in the early eighties called ‘Time’ written by Dave Clark who was famous in the 1960’s with his band the Dave Clark Five. The fantasy musical was about whether Earth and its population should be permitted to continue in existence when it was so negative. By the end of the musical, the "defense" team had won their case. The following is part of the closing lines, recited by Laurence Olivier and although it is part of a work of fiction, it succinctly puts the point I am making.
“Stand before me on the Sign of Infinity, all you of the Earth.
With the granting of "The Law of Provenation" comes the application of change. I will give you the key. And with this knowledge, please realise, comes the responsibility of sharing it. I will show you the way: (It's very simple).
Throughout the Universe there is order. In the movement of the planets ... in nature ... and in the functioning of the human mind. A mind that is in its natural state of order is in harmony with the Universe, and such a mind is timeless. Your life is an expression of your mind. You are a creator of your own Universe, for as a human being you are "free to will" whatever state of being you desire through the use of your thoughts and words.
There is great Power there.
It can be a blessing or a curse.
It's entirely up to you, for the quality of your life is brought about by the quality of your thinking. Think about that. Thoughts produce actions. See the pettiness and the envy and the greed and the fear and all the other attitudes that cause you pain and discomfort.
Realise that the one thing you have absolute control over is your attitude.
See the effect that it has on those around you, for each life is linked to all Life and your words carry with them chain reactions like a stone that has been thrown into a pond. If your thinking is in order, your words will flow directly from the heart, creating ripples of love.
If you truly want to change your world, my friends, you must change your thinking. Reason is your greatest tool. It creates an atmosphere of understanding which leads to caring which is Love. “
Bouncing back
May 31, 2006Do you remember the last time you had a disaster on your hands either personally or at work? Do you recall how it felt like the end of the world and how it got blown all out of proportion in your mind? I do.
It happened on Saturday in my basement darkroom. Well that's where it originated, but the problem affected other rooms too. The tap in there has a garden hose attachment that splits the water supply into four separate outlets for various print washers. I'd turned off all of these taps, but had failed to check the main tap was turned off. When I came back an hour later I found the entire floor of the adjacent room flooded with two inches in water and it was creeping into the next room. I waded through to my darkroom to find that the water pressure of the main tap had forced the clamped rubber hose attachment off and was filling the basin faster than the sink would drain it.
Now, I have been ultra-careful recently with the recent drought water restrictions to limit the amount I use. I've even switched to resin coated paper that washes in two minutes in order to conserve water, as well as cutting back on my darkroom activities for the summer. So you can imagine my shock and horror of the problem. I'd not only caused a major flood, I've also wasted a week's amount of water in normal use. Aaaaah!! I apologise unreservedly to the nation. Sorry.
This was a big, wet problem. It was going to affect the entire house for a week, carpets would shrink, damage to the floor and the house would smell for months. Disaster.
An hour and many buckets later the water level was down to the sodden carpet. We phoned a carpet cleaning company who was prepared to come out on Bank Holiday Saturday at double-time. They traipsed huge hoses through the house powered by their giant truck based suction pump and drained the water out. Then they steam cleaned it, shampooed it, deodorized it and left me an hour later with a superbly clean, and all be it damp, carpet. Saved. We left the windows open, put on heaters and now the situation is back to normal. You would hardly know there had been a problem except for the nice clean carpet.
Good always comes out of bad. But the thing I want to remember for myself is how the situation at the height of the drama blew itself out of all proportion in my mind and derailed my entire life. But now it's as though nothing had happened. We rebound. We always do.
Think back to the last disaster you had and where are you now? We move on. Things get better. We recover or we adjust to new situations that we find ourselves and make the best of it if need be. It's in the mind. Our attitude affects how we experience things. Life is OK.
Let's try and remember for the next time the floor drops away from our feet and we find ourselves with an absolute humdinger of a disaster. It WILL get better. It always does.
Belief in ourselves
May 30, 2006
If we’re able to find within us even a faint glimmer of a thought that we may be able to do something for ourselves, then we are tapping into some of the potential we’ve inherited from our ancient ancestry. We are all highly integrated human beings with the capability for a great deal of control over ourselves and our environment. It is this belief, albeit small at first that can have a dramatic effect on how we are. The belief is the trigger.
Once we start to believe that we can make a difference within ourselves by thinking, we’re opening up all sorts of possibilities. This principle can be applied to so many other things in life, and when people say “I can’t do that.” they are setting up a thought pattern that may well prevent them from achieving it. They tell themselves that they can’t do it even before they give it a go.
Instead, let’s say to ourselves something like, “Hey, I may not have done this before, but there’s no proof that I can’t do it, and I won’t know until I’ve tried, so let’s go for it….” then we are giving ourselves the best opportunity for success. We may go on to really achieve some wonderful things in life.
This approach to helping ourselves can be extended into many aspects of our life. From a postural point of view we can change so much if we choose. Alexander Technique helps this and when we start to free up physically, it’s likely to have positive effects on us emotionally too. We can become more confident and go beyond our comfort zone.
Have you ever thought that you might do something that you haven’t done before, something that is a little demanding or about which you feel uncomfortable or possibly down right scared? It doesn’t need to be an activity like jumping out of an aircraft at 12,000ft and doing free-fall. On the other hand it could be! Or maybe give a talk to 100 people, or jump across a small ravine gap but with a 50ft drop, or run a marathon, or tell someone that you love them, or go on stage at the comedy club and tell your favourite joke, or make it up with your friend after a disagreement and say it’s your fault just to save the friendship. Can you think of something that you may have been faced with in the past, or wanted to do, but a voice inside of you says “No you can’t!” or “No, this isn’t for you!”?
Have you heard that inner negative voice that stops you from doing it? When you get the first idea about something and your heart jumps and says “Yes.” then a voice from deep inside pipes up and says “Oh, no you don’t! You CAN’T do that!” It’s the voice that over rules your heart, limits you and holds you back. This little voice is rooted in fear and all our past experiences. Like anyone with something to say, it needs to be heard otherwise it will nag away. Give it an ear. But then having acknowledged it you can just simply choose to ignore it and go ahead.
Go with your heart. Believe what you want is already yours.....and it is. We just need to stop resisting.
Making things happen
May 25, 2006
When it comes to achieving our goals there a time when it's good to put our contemplations to one side and do something on a physical level. We can have all the dreams in the world, the inspiration, the life long desires, and our thoughts are certainly creating energy to manifest them, and we should stay focused on the positive and not waiver.
But It’s important to physically do something towards their achievement too, it’s important to do anything! I'm not saying you won't achieve what you want unless you act physically (anything can happen and your thoughts are the strongest energiser there is) but some action on a physical level spurs it all along. As soon as we move and speak to someone, send an email, go to the library to check something, arrange a meeting, write a list of jobs to do and tick one off, we are energising the project further. This energy will come back to us in one way or another. After so much visualisation and thoughtful energising, it's sometimes extraordiary how things just flow so smoooothly. But if they don't then should take notice and observe this feedback. It's a good principle to something every day towards your goals.
Getting on with your goals does not mean that you just blindly proceed to implement what’s on your check list, but involves you listening too. There should be give and take. Make your action and observe the responses. Be totally aware. But start the ball rolling, even if it’s just writing one letter. Act and listen. At all times however, never lose sight of the visualisation of the wonderful manifestation of your desires. But let's also be open to new opportunities as they come up.... and they can come up at any time, any where. There is no knowing what's going to transpire.
All the time keep your thoughts and emotions as good as you can make them. If you're making your enthusiasm and feelings better you're going in the right direction. If you're starting to worry and doubt, you are going backwards. Compliment your positive feelings with action and watch how it easily it can come.
Laws of attraction
May 24, 2006
Life is supposed to feel good. It links to health, well-being, healing and growth. In nature all is following a natural life cycle where everything grows and eventually dies. Sickness is an interference that will be overcome unless disease sets in, which is growth of a different kind. If we cut our finger it heals up, if we break a bone it also heals. If we cut a tree above the ground it will sprout new shoots as pollards or coppice's. If we were not subject to the various influence around that can interfere with our health we would probably be almost perfect. From a physical point of view we tend to interfere with our natural poise with tensions that upset our balance and co-ordination and physical well-being. Likewise mentally and emotionally we can think thoughts that also detrimentally affect and undermine us.
Getting what we want in life works in the same way. Whatever we think about is creating energy around whatever is in our minds and it will be soon barrelling down on us like a ten ton truck. But Life isn't so simple for most of us and we also have fears, doubts and worrying thoughts and these also are being manifested and will undermine our best intentions. Whatever you think is what you get...positive and also negative. If we wish we could have that extra £1,000 to pay the bills, and in the next second we worry that we won't have it and get terribly into debt, we have done two things. We have firstly set up the vibration to bring it towards us, then we immediately negate and cancel that out by the negative thought. The key is to stay positive the whole time.
For whatever we want we need to send out vibrations (thinking) to attract it towards us. If we complain that we are not happy and we are sensing the lack of something, then it is the 'lack' that we energise. We cannot notice and complain about our situation and also vibrate positively to bring it towards us. They cancel each other out. It's not possible to vibrate the emotions of discontent and also send out vibrations to match the solution.
We need to be standing in a place of expectation, hope, joy and fulfilment all of the time in order to attract that and our desires towards us.
We can be experiencing pain or discomfort and wish to be free and healthy. Although we set up the vibrations for healing, we are also negating them by wishing to be better. because the 'wish' is made from the position of 'lack' (lack of health). Like attracts like. So if we are to find health and healing we need to set up the vibrations of how we will feel when we have the health. Although we may be in pain we need to experience joy, fun, happiness, loving despite the physical condition or what is going on around us materially. Love is growth. If we are in debt and we wish to be solvent, there is no success to be found in wanting the change. We must find happiness, joy and love within us, as these are natural growth conditions that will positively attract like towards like. Thoughts of debt create debt. Thoughts of success, affluence, joy in achievement creates wealth.
We must pay attention to the way we feel as this is our barometer. How you feel tells you whether you are moving forwards or going backwards. Positive thoughts move forwards, negative worries take us back a few stages. It's clear to see how we may never get to our destination if we are constantly to-ing and fro-ing back and forth. It's also damned exhausting and life is passing us by.
We need to make peace with where we are right now. Feel good inside and you get better. Feel good inside you move forwards towards your positive thoughts. Find the best feeling thoughts you can find and keep refreshing them. How do you feel? Your feelings and emotions are your barometer that tells you if you're progressing or slipping back.
Choose to be happy. Choose to feel joy, love, optimism, contentment and choose thoughts that vibrate with success in achieving what you truly want. Then you'll find that you are not putting obstacles in the way that undermine the natural laws of attraction. Like attracts like. Set up the positive emotions or sensations of 'how it feels to have it' and it surely will be yours.
More on 'Patience'
While I'm talking about patience, there are a few other considerations that come to mind.
Patience can be a damned hard quality to muster up sometimes when things aren’t working out the way we’d hoped. Our ability to be patient is closely linked to our levels of stress, our upbringing and early life’s experiences. However when things don’t seem to work out the way we’d planned, it may be for a reason that we are not aware of and have no influence over. If we are interacting with our surroundings and everyone else, then there are many influences on us and our activities. The timing may simply not be right for us at this moment. Things take the time they take. There is no rationalising why things happen when they do, or don’t when we want them too. We must remember that we are not alone in the equation, and many other people and situations are likely to be affected. The Universe will provide when the time is right, for the good of all. There is no benefit in getting all hot and bothered about it and we may be better having a slightly more laid back attitude. Use the opportunity to attend to something completely different. If it’s not working out as planned, consider whether an alternative approach may be appropriate.
On the other hand, we could set ourselves an improbable deadline to achieve something, just to get it done. So if you give yourself five days, it will take that long to do it. Parkinson’s Law says ‘Work expands to fill the time available for its completion’. However, if we give ourselves only one day to do it, we may still get it done, even if we have to enlist the help of others. By taking this approach does not mean that we’re making an impatient approach to the task, but simply setting a short deadline! We can still be relaxed about it!
Patience may be a virtue, and so is persistence. This does not necessarily conflict with the concept of ‘going with the flow’, but you can be persistent in mind so that you do eventually get what you want. Just because you do not succeed the first time stick with it, and ‘listen’ to the feedback you get from people around you and the outcome of your endeavours. Yes, we can ask for something, but maybe we should pause before asking again. By pushing forcefully you may not get the response you’d hope for. Give your actions time, and allow others to respond in their own way and if after a reasonable time, another request or attempt may be warranted. This may be a little bit like line fishing. Now I’m not a fisherman, but I understand that when a fish is nibbling at the bait, then there is a great skill in teasing the fish by ‘give and take’ actions on the line. Ask, then wait, ask and tease a bit more, then wait. Eventually the patient angler will reap the rewards.
Go with the flow
May 22, 2006When we have an idea, there are always reasons why we should do it and reasons why we should not. If the idea is not consistent with what’s in our heart, then it’s likely that it’s not for us and it may even seem like terribly hard work. And some things that we think we want, aren’t really in our best interest.
Have you ever tried to contact someone by phone in haste, either to complain or make a point and you just can’t get through? We can try and try again and the line’s busy. I WANT to speak to her! If we try long enough we may eventually get through but in hindsight wish we hadn’t because the conversation didn’t go well. We’ve created animosity or resentment. But it’s possible that the person would have been able and willing to help in some other way and now they may grudge helping us at all. Have I burnt my boats? Maybe I should have gone with the flow and accepted after a couple of attempts to get through that this wasn’t meant to happen or the timing wasn’t right. Maybe the issue hadn’t been that important and if I’d not made the call, we’d still have good relations.
When we’re going with the flow, things can seem to happen so easily. Travel arrangements work out well, meetings go smoothly, people offer help unexpectedly and we excel in our endeavours. It can seem that certain things are ‘meant’ to be and that they are ‘for’ us. Things always work out well in the end or there are benefits to be had, even if we can't see how at the time.
Today, I'm going to 'go with the flow' and see what happens...
The Happiness Formula
May 17, 2006
What makes us happy is being investigated and discussed in the current BBC programme 'The Happiness Formula'. From the scientific to the off-the-cuff-comment, what is it that can make the difference and shift or mood upwards on the smile-scale? Material possessions are considered not to have lasting effect as their perceived happiness-giving-boost soon wares off and we're looking for more.
There are more fundamental factors that contribute to our sense of happiness, from health, relationships, contentment, security and money to transcendence and fulfilment. And although relationships registered a whopping 73% in an opinion poll, a surprising 56% rated contentment as being most important. Some comments included 'Happiness is going to sleep peacefully and waking up the next day', 'Being at peace with the way things are going.' 'Happiness is when you are OK inside about where you are and who you are', and 'Taking the dog for a walk'.
Contentment has been described as 'not fighting yourself'. You are content when the different parts of yourself make friends with each other. Discontent, on the other hand, is the result of a discrepancy between what you want and what you get.
Psychologist Ilona Boniwell says "The trick is that what really matters is what is going on the inside rather than the outside. In other words, what we want depends on us, rather than the situation, so by changing our perspective we can affect our level of contentment as much, if not more, as we could do by changing the situation."
As a famous saying goes, "change what you can, accept what you cannot and have the wisdom to know the difference."
For me, it can be a whole load simpler than looking for the right element and condition to make us happy. I believe it's a choice. I agree with Illona Boniwell, that it's what's going on inside that counts, and we have a direct influence over that. It's our choice. We can simply choose to be happy. But sometimes that can be difficult because we 'like' to hang onto our emotions and feelings. Letting go of a hurt, jealousy, rage, spite, disappointment, sadness and pain can be the hardest thing. We can justify our feelings easily. Shifting out of that state is tough, but it can be done. it's as easy as flicking a switch. I wrote about how I changed my emotions by choice when I was nearly hit by a car a while ago. Read here.
But I wonder if tthe programme will consider the influence of posture and body language on our mood. If we smile or laugh our body creates endorphins and shifts or happiness up a bit. We can probably choose to smile a lot more than we do. It's so much down to choice and the sense of happiness can be found so simply....if we choose. But often we choose not, and look for external reasons and excuses. Lift up your heart and be merry. Smile. Do it now. It truly is your choice.
The Happiness Formula: Wednesdays 7pm BBC Two
Think Success
May 15, 2006Chazper sent this little poem relating to Visualisation.
“If you think you are beaten you are,
If you think you dare not, you don’t
If you like to win, but you think you can’t,
It is almost certain you won’t.”
“Life’s battles don’t always go
To the stronger or faster man,
But soon or late the man who wins
Is the man WHO THINKS HE CAN!”
Thanks Chazper.
Acceptance
May 12, 2006
Happiness may be be found right here and now with what we've got. As Doc Happy says with his cute metaphor - sometimes we chase so much more when what will really make us happy sometimes is so much less.
Others may suggest that we should try for more, go up the ladder, get a bigger house, car, plane....buy an island ....where does it stop? Then we can retire and go fishing. But maybe these ultra-aspirations aren't for us and a simpler way of life may bring just as much happiness, if not more. Others expectations and social pressures make life very demanding and may not be right for us.
It's interesting how others see us and want to change us. It's also interesting how we may wish to change others to suit how we think they should be. So another moral to Doc's may be.... why should we change when others want us to, but why should others change because we want them to? The answer is acceptance; acceptance of ourselves, others and what we've got. It brings peace of mind and tranquility to our being.
Acceptance is a great way to happiness as always wanting more sure sets up tensions and pressure. But then it is gooooood to get a bit more, isn't it? It's a tricky conundrum that is worth exploring to get a good balance. A bit of this, a bit of that and maybe enough is just right.
Coping with anti-passion
When passion creates anti-passion and enthusiasm is returned by negativity by our friends we know we've passed a threshold on the love/hate scale with regards to the topic of our interest. As Kathy Sierra writes in 'Popularity breeds contempt' we see someones enthusiasm for something being met by not only indifference, but definite rejection by others who may not have even tried it. Kathy calls this threshold the Koolaid Point, the point where enthusiasm for a software product is so high that others accuse them of 'Drinking the Koolaid' often fueled by commercial success.
But we've seen this happen in almost any other field you care to mention, not just in computer software. I remember the period of my life before I trained as an Alexander Technique teacher and was on the verge of quitting my career in retail marketing. I was so enthusiastic (and still am) about the Technique that nothing else in my life mattered as much. That didn't go down too well with my wife who couldn't understand it, or wouldn't. It became a choice between marriage or Alexander Technique, and no prizes for guessing which won! (Clearly the relationship was not working anyway, so this may have been the final straw.)
I've also heard some of my clients say how they've recommended the Alexander Technique to a friend who they considered a prime candidate to benefit wholesale because they were in such a desperate situation with their posture/breathing/stress, but their recommendation fell on deaf ears and sometimes complete rejection. It happens with chiropractics, nutrition, massage, osteopathy, homeopathy, naturopathy and any you-name-it-opathy. One person gets fantastic benefits and thinks it's just the koolest-best and when they recommend it others run the other way. They can reject your idea for any reason, and that's fine, but one could ask what experience have they had of this to bring them to their conclusion?
So what is it about enthusiasm that can make others turn tail? If on the other hand we talk more moderately of our new found passion they may take more interest but then we may also just sell it short.
Do we need to be our own discoverer? Do we fall into an auto-negative mode when greeted with enthusiasm? "It can't be that good." "It's just marketing hype." "It won't work for me." Or may be we like to be stuck in our mould. Maybe we have a fear of success and our old and worn-out-modes of failure or pain are actually rather comfortable.
We can get used to discomfort and failure to such a degree that it feels familiar and normal. We like our habits. Maybe it's our habit to look on the bleak side and that's where we'd rather stay, even though there is a far more updated/better/whizzing gizmo/elixir and solution readily available.
We're dealing with change and this can be uncomfortable even if it brings with it potential benefits. There can be a real fear of change as it takes us into the unknown with regards to personal interactions, new situations and costs. Some people don't want us to be right and maybe they'll do anything to prove their own misguided view is right....even if it is wrong.
It can take some time to adjust and come to terms with a new idea and to accept it. It can take years for some people. Maybe they'll hear of it from different sources and after the fifth or sixth encounter they'll decide to give it a go. I've known people to come and see me clutching a newspaper article they cut out two years before and only now are getting round to doing something about it. They're doing it in their own time. It's a mistake for us to think people should do it in our time. They will do it in their time. And that's OK.
The answer is to let it go. Let them do it/see it their way. It really doesn't matter. And anyway one man's meat is another man's poison. We're all right, and we're all wrong. We;'re all getting to where we're all going in our own time. It's just damned frustrating when we know our best friend just needs what we're telling them and they just won't listen!
Sensation
April 19, 2006There is an aspect of visualisation that has been eluding me, but has now dawned fully. I could have realised this ages ago, but better late than never. And maybe you already know and sussed it before. In which case you should have told me.
Visualising what we want is a real helpful thing to do. Dreams are what life is made of, and it's important to dream positively about what you want. 'What you think is what you get'. We've talked about this before. (Avoid negative thoughts as that's what you'll attract towards you.)
But I've been thinking about what my good friend Ronald Harris, the top hypnotherapist in Scotland told me years ago. He said there's a well known phrase in psychology....'The expected sensation tends to be realised'. He explained, if you believe something will happen, you'll bring about the circumstances to make it happen.
So, visualise what you want, put yourself in the picture, sense the situation, feel the texture, smell the odour and see it clearly in your mind. See yourself being successful, happy, wealthy, in love and driving that cool car. This is the technique of visualisation. But there is one key word that I've not fully related to, at least until now and that is 'SENSATION'.
'The expected sensation tends to be realised.'
When visualising, it works best if you can create the 'sensation' of how you will feel in the situation of your dreams. Create the emotional feeling that you'll have when you're holding the object you want, or experiencing the love of another, the hug, or the peace of mind, or the happiness. Sense the joy, excitement, happiness, relief, pride, or whatever. It's the emotional experience we need to create. This is not instead of the visual image, but as well as the mental image when visualising. The Sensation is a major trigger.
Like attracts like. Give away smiles and you receive smiles back. Give away love and you get love back. Give away money and you get money back. (Try it. It may not come back from the same place you gave to, but you'll get it when you need it most.) Give away what you want. Like attracts like. My friend and life teacher Terry Tillman described how he was tuning one of the guitars in his band and when he tuned the G string, the guitar next to him resonated at the same frequency. Both G strings resonated together. We need to 'resonate' what it is that we want to attract towards us. Like attracts like. Resonate the emotion (sensation) and you'll attract the situation towards you that creates that emotion for you.
'The expected sensation tends to be realised.'
Have a great day. :-)
Occupational happiness
April 7, 2006Dr Happy of The Happiness Institute says that 'Happiness is the ultimate goal'. And I tend to agree, but it's not an end in itself.
Happiness is what happens often when we're occupied in activities that are slightly demanding, artistic and requiring creativity and we probably only know we've happy afterwards because we've been so busy doing the thing that makes us happy. Creative pursuits and challenging activities such as gardening, sport, painting, crotchet, skiing, lampshade making and anything you like can occupy us to such an extent that we're lost in our occupation. It takes us out of ourselves, so to speak and as long as the challenge isn't so great that it's unattainable, we're likely to enjoy a sense of fulfillment during the process.
But there again, we don't need any occupation to make us happy if we just choose to be so. We can just BE happy. That's a darn sight more fundamental and wholehearted than trying to find something outside of us that will bring us happiness.
Pleasure in work
Housewife savoring the essence of dish washing
Now this is what I like to see, happiness at work, pleasure in the moment and an unadulterated sensual experience. The fact that someones made this into a stockphoto is besides the point.
How to have a great, happy day? Turn every task and chore we have to do into a pleasurable experience. And we can do that by changing our mind set, changing how we view the task. There is something to take joy in, with almost every activity. And as today is my birthday, I intend to do just that.
You're perfect as you are
March 30, 2006
When we meet someone, we'll introduce ourselves with our name. "HI, I'm Noel". But in reality, it's only a name, not who we are. Nor is my profession who I am either. It's only what I do.
Who we are is deeply intrinsic to our being and we are all completely unique. This is the wonderful thing about meeting new people that everyone is so different with their own particular attributes, skills, abilities and talents. Yet, in discussion with someone we can discover that our companion may be rather focused on how differently she or he would like to be, or how difficult things are, or how they wish they could do or 'be' something different.
Yet, if we were to take a few minutes and write down a list of all of their personal attributes, talents and skills, we are likely to come up with a wonderfully long list. I've seen people struggling to name three, but with some encouragement, we've eventually come up with over a hundred! 'Nice smile, generous, forgiving, great with numbers, great with kids, intuitive, nice legs, good at organising, quick reactions, green fingered with plants, gentle, strong, etc, etc. And then they may say, "But I'm hopelessly impatient." and we could turn that around and say......."so you like to get things done quickly. Great. So do I!" Or "I spend too much time day-dreaming." But dreams are what life is made of. Everyone should have a dream and something to look forward to. It depends on your perspective. We can all 'do ourselves down' at times, but from another's perspective, they may see us quite different and wonderful.
But all these things are not who we are. No matter what we may have done with our lives, let people down, done bad things, failed someone or ourselves in some way, these are only subjective judgements and not necessarily how some others would see us. But even so, it is not US who is the fault....it is only what we may have done.
It's my belief that if we go deep enough, right down to the core of our being, beyond and beneath all the attitudes, chips on shoulders and 'learnt' tendencies from our life's experiences, then we'll find we're the most loving, caring, kind, forgiving, generous, warm-hearted and beautiful person.....as much as anyone else. We may be concealing it with our learnt attitudes and behaviours, but it's there. It comes down to Love. And it's love that makes life. Love is healing and encourages growth. It is the essence of us and what we were full of as a baby and it's still there. We can still discover it if we look. And we can share it with others.
We are all perfect as we are. It may just be what we do that's imperfect. And we can change that if we choose.
Darla Shine's Happy Housewives Club
March 24, 2006
Now Darla Shine has created the Happy Housewives Club after the recent launch of her fun and inspiring book which I blogged prior to publication.
Darla Shine's site is the centre of her club with more topics than a week's shopping list from blog, forum/chat, personal stories, shopping, to mom swap, media, star mom, sex talk, and health/diet. She's doing her own radio show from her computer and you can also listen to her live. This is a forum for those wanting lots of happiness stumulii. It's a full-on housewives 'lets-make-life-brilliant' place to be.
Now I'm no housewife. But it's my belief that being happy in this world is ultimately what it's all about. And if we're not enjoying life much at the moment, then this is something to address. We can help ourselves and others enjoy life more fully and this is why I admire what Darla Shine is doing. We can make any activity a joy if we choose.
Whether it's cleaning my motorcycle or repairing a lock, no matter how mundane and tiresome the task is, there will be something that I can find that's good about it and take pleasure in making a difference. And housework is such great exercise.... Really, it uses all our muscles in a wide variety of movements, and probably better for us than gym work. It involves deep squats and knee bends, step-ups and lunges with the vacuum cleaner....then there's the upper body work. OK Now you think I've lost it. But it's not only good for us, it can be enjoyable too.
We may or may not have much money, and although a good income can help provide comforts, it doesn't guarantee happiness. But if we can find joy in our occupation and tasks, which is something we can all do, then we make a difference for ourselves and everyone around us. One happy moment followed by another all join up to make a happy life, and being happy boosts our immune system and helps keep us healthy. It's all an attitude. Happiness is a choice. Looking for it doesn't work as it's not to be found. We have it within us. We have it if we choose to be it. If you don't agree, then that's your choice, but it's worth thinking about.
Have a great day! :-)
'There is no road to happiness. Happiness is the way.'
Dalai Lama
Virus free and back in action
March 23, 2006Well, yesterday was an interesting day. No sooner had I logged onto my computer in the morning, did I receive a virus that went haywire through my files and jammed all programmes. I don't know how it got passed my Norton Anti-virus. So no blogs yesterday...
My initial reaction was frustration and I thought several times about putting the computer in the waste bin. But eventually chose not to. I worked on accepting the situation and felt much better and had a laugh. I even got the pile of paperwork that sits on the side of my desk all cleared.
MIke at Touchweb Internet Solutions who hosts my sites does remote assistance. He did four hours on it late yesterday and some again this morning. Now it's fixed and working better than ever... He installed new programs and did several scans and repairs using free software from AVG Anti-virus, Spybot, Trend Micro and Windows Defender.
So I've got my computer back working better than before which is good. Mike has earned some money, which is also good. My paperwork is cleared, and the sun is shining here in a chilly London but it feels like spring, which is all very good indeed.
Things usually work out for the best in the end.... It's just difficult to see how it can sometimes....but they do. :-)
Rainy morning ecstasy...
March 9, 2006It's another grey, wet morning in London. We've had a lot of rain over the last few days, and many people I've met recently have said how miserable it is. ...more rain, and more rain, how depressing can it get?
However, there hasn't been a lot of rain in the SE of England this winter, so this is a rare occurrence and we probably need all the rain we can get. I bet the plants and trees and shrubs are enjoying it! Indeed they are positively happy, and soaking it up! There they are, having a fantastic time, waiving their branches around in the air , grooving a real good knees-up. I'm sure if you listen hard enough you can hear them sing.....or is that the birds? Or is it in my head?
Anyway, I must remember to put the plug in the sink when I'm washing up, to do my share of conserving water. If we can avoid a drought this summer, we'll all be happy.
